Way Back Into Love
by Chris2035
Summary: Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.
1. What to Expect

Summary: Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But then she shows up at his doorstep at night. Future fic.

AN: Special thanks to my beta Sam! I probably would've never worked up the courage to post this without you!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 1 – What to Expect

1812. She knew he'd be here. She knocked. Soft, but sternly. A surprised Chuck stood in the doorway holding a glass of his best scotch. Just like she had presumed.

"What is it now?" He gave her a dark look. "Five hours ago you got half of everything I own."

With a charming almost-smile she undid her knee-length trench coat, revealing that she wore nothing beneath it, but a silken lingerie, four inch heels and stockings that were held up by a garter. She noticed him gulping as he studied her head to toe. Her smile grew slightly wider.

Blair leaned forward, brushing her lips briefly against his. She remained like that for a few seconds, not sure how he would react. A suppressed moan escaped her as she felt his tounge running along her bottom lip, parting her mouth gentle. She granted him access with her hands placed on each side of his face drawing him closer. His fingers slipped into her long brown curls as well, while they stumbled further into his suite.

Before she could do so much as think about it his hands had slipped to her bottom lifting her up and he started carrying her towards the bedroom. Legs wrapping around his waist by instinct, she gasped when his erection pressed against the damp silk covering her crotch.

The coat she had been wearing got lost somewhere on the way, leaving her in nothing, but her bra and panties as he gently dropped her on the bed.

After undressing himself he got onto the king size bed. His eyes never leaving hers.

"God you're beautiful," his voice was hoarse. Barley a whisper.

She was surprised. He actually hadn't used phrases like beautiful in a long time. Hot, sexy, fuckable – yes. But beautiful? She shrugged it off as she felt his fingers at the claps of her bra, undoing it.

She knew that this would be the last time she would feel that sexy or desirable. The very last time.

"How could I ever forget?," he asked, not really addressing her or wanting an actual answer.

She could have given him plenty of answers to this question. _Because you were emotionally unavailable. Because you were drunk most of the time. Because I acted like a bitch most of the time. Because we hurt each other._ But she wouldn't. She wasn't here to start yet another fight with him. It wasn't the reason why she had come tonight. She gave him a small smile before pulling him down for another passionate kiss.

When they broke apart they kept their eyes locked for a few seconds. Smiling at one another like stupid teenagers. After putting a strand of her seemingly rebellious curls behind her ear, he leaned down, starting to kiss a burning path from her earlobe along her neck towards her breasts. He stopped there, taking the left one into his hand, massaging it slightly.

She sighed in pleasure as he started circle her right nipple with his tounge. Another thing that would happen for the last time, she thought.

His free hand slid lower in the meantime, letting his finger stroke over her La Perla's teasingly. She had to dig her nails deep into his shoulders by now, to stop herself from starting to squirm beneath Chuck.

After a while of teasing he stopped his action and himself between her legs, giving her a questioning look. She just gave him a small nod along with a smile. She had shown up in just her underwear and a trench coat. Was he really questioning what she wanted?

As he entered her in one thrust they both cried out in desire. Blair's legs looped around his waist and pulled him closer so his face lay against her neck. She sucked in his scent. The familiar mixture of scotch, cigarettes and cologne.

They moved together in slow, but passionate pace. Steadily working their way towards the edge. She locked her legs around him tighter, for him to fill her out completely.

She knew when he started moving faster and faster that he was close. It was the point of no return. His hand slipped in between their bodies and rubbed over her bundle of nerves. She climaxed nearly immediately, clinging onto him for her dear life. He followed her over the edge almost a second later when her muscles contracted around him.

With him collapsed onto her they lay there for a while. Covering her like a blanket. His weight pressing her down. Both breathing heavily. When he rolled himself off her , he rested his head against her chest.

"I missed you," he told her.

"Good night, Chuck," she breathed out, while placing the covers over both of them.

"Good night, Blair."

Entwined like that they fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

The moment Chuck's eyes fluttered open, the last night came rushing back to him. He couldn't help, but smirk at the memory. Blair on his doorstep. In nothing, but hot lingerie and a coat.

Divorce or no divorce. Things may take a turn yet.

Rolling onto his side he didn't find the warm female body he'd expected. Only ruffled cold sheets. For a moment he allowed himself to subside into the pillow next to his. Breathing in the scent. Coconut. So it really hadn't been a dream. She had been here.

"Good morning, Charles."

Her voice startled him up. Blair stood at the foot of the bed, looking slightly to amused for his taste. Did she know that he had smelled her pillow? He sighed. Oh, of course she did. It was Blair.

"Don't call me Charles" , he sat up and running his hand through his bed head. "Morning."

He studied her for a moment. She had her hair pulled up to a pony tail and wore the trench coat from last night.

"You're leaving." It was more of a statement than a question.

She nodded, her face turning oddly stern. "Last night changes nothing, Chuck. We're over."

_This is, how it must feel like having a anvil dropped onto your head, _he figured. So it had been just another game after all. He couldn't believe she had him fooled, yet again. It hurt. But like hell would he show it. She wouldn't get that victory.

"I agree," he replied, his face turning just as sober as hers. "We got divorced for a reason."

"Several reasons," Blair corrected.

_Sure... rub it in._

"So why _did _you come here last night?," he asked with narrowed eyes.

"We were married for ten years," she stated. "I wanted a proper goodbye."

He stood up from bed, wrapping the sheets around his waist. Suddenly it bothered him to be naked in front of her. And he had no idea why. Chuck Bass wasn't shy. And she knew the ropes. She had seen him naked at least a thousand times. She had eaten food off him while he was naked, for Christ sakes.

Grudgingly he dropped the sheets after all. He walked towards her, stopping so close to her, their lips were almost touching. She'd closed her eyes, clearly expecting his mouth on hers any second now. But instead he only whispered a soft "_Goodbye_, Blair" against her lips. She opened her eyes looking after him dazzled as he continued his way into the bathroom. He turned around standing in the door frame.

"I'm sure you can show yourself out."

He forced himself to put a clinical face on before looking at her one last time. Then he closed the door behind him.

He turned on the shower letting the freezing water run over his body. He _so _would end up with blue balls. Leaning against the cold tiles he closed his eyes. Shouldn't a divorce give you closure? This was supposed to be easy. A farewell fuck. That's all it was If she could do it, why couldn't he?.

A one night stand. Chuck – who would have guessed? - had had one night stands before. _But you weren't married for ten years to any of those women..._ reminded him the little voice in his head.

_And I didn't love with any of those women._ He turned the water yet a little colder.

* * *

_It was a mistake_, she decided while looking out of the window.

Blair sat in the back of her limo, grabbing onto her five hundred dollar clutch so hard her knuckles were turning white. She was tense. To say the least. While she actually was supposed to have other things on her mind, her thoughts kept wandering back to the previous night. Over and over again.

And to the very awkward morning after. She knew she had hurt him. Blair was very well aware of that. She knew because, she would've been hurt, too. They were supposed to be through with hurting each other. That was why they filed for divorce.

She forced herself to return the smile Serena gave her as she took her hand into her own.

"You okay?," the blonde asked.

"Yes," Blair lied. "Just nervous."

"Figures." She wanted to vomit at the pitiful eyes, Serena gave her. "I promise you we'll get through it together."

"I can see how much your life's at the stake here!,"Blair wanted to snap. Instead she just nodded at her best friend. "Thank you."

She really was thankful that Serena was here for her. If she would just treat her normally. And if she would just fucking stop giving her these understanding and pitiful side glances. There was one thing Blair hated to its guts and that was pity. Pity made her seem weak and she couldn't stand that. She was a _fucking_ Waldorf. Formerly Waldorf-Bass. None of those names stood for weakness.

"Are you scared?," Serena asked all the sudden.

"No," Blair lied again. "I just wanna get it over with."

Actually, it was a fact that she was scared to death. Which kind of seemed like a really bad pun considering her condition. But that was another thing she wouldn't admit. Not even to her best friend.

"You don't have to lie to me, B." Serena started, yet again with very compassionate eyes. "I know--"

"Drop it." Blair cut her friend off.

"But don't you think--"

"S!" She gave her friend a warning glare. "I. Said. Drop. It."

The vehicle stopped and the driver turned to the two women: "We're here."

"Ready?" Serena took her friends hand into her own again. Blair looked out the window and let out a breath, she didn't realize she was holding.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

When they both were out of the car, the blonde pulled her friend into a tight embrace. "I'm here."

* * *

The apartment seemed so empty. Sometimes he wished he would've let her have the damn thing. But when they had discussed separation of property through their lawyers they'd acted like two stubborn children. Neither of them willing to cave in as much as an inch. In this one matter he'd prevailed over her. But now he couldn't help, but wonder if the triumph was worth it after all.

He was barley here, anyway. Avoided the place as much as possible. He spent as much time in his suite at the Palace as possible. It seemed more fitting now anyway. He was a bachelor again. And this place just screamed marital all over.

It was horrendously quiet in here. Even if they had barley spoken with each other the last months and weeks of their marriage, it had been different with her around. To hear her heels clicking when she paced around in the living room. Or bossing Dorota around on how to set the table for dinner.

In some drunken moments he thought that he actually heard her. Those were also the moments he questioned his sanity.

Trying to concentrate on a report that some ass kissing employee had written he took another sip of scotch. Knowing very well that not even all the scotch in the world would be able to erase his ex wife out of his mind today.

After reading the same two words for the fifieth time he decided to surrender. He got up from his desk and started to wander through the place.

Why did she even come to him at all? He knew for sure that Blair Waldorf did nothing without purpose. The women had planned out absolutely every aspect of her life. So this for sure hadn't been spontaneous. And her explanation that it was just to make her farewell he couldn't quite believe. And it also wasn't out of some sentimental manner. It just wasn't Blair's style.

He stepped into the dining room, stopping at the great table. He sat there in his usual seat, staring into space. The scotch he downed in one go. It'd been almost a year since he'd sat at this very spot the last time. Together with her.

"_Good evening, Mrs. Bass."_

"_Chuck."_

"_Please, join me."_

"_I don't wanna talk to you."_

"_Just get the fuck in here!"_

"_What do you want?"_

"_I thought it was common for a man enjoy his wife's company?"_

"_We were never a common couple."_

"_Here's to the unusual ... drink up!"_

"_I can't stand scotch, you know that."_

"_That's a lie and you know _that_. Do you think I don't notice my bottles becoming outrageously fast empty lately?"_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about."_

"_Sure you don't. I guess it's Dorota then."_

"_I'm going to bed."_

"_You not moving an fucking inch!"_

"_You're drunk like a pig!"_

"_Yes, I am. I'm very drunk in fact. And I plan on getting even more drunk."_

"_You disgust me, Chuck!"_

"_Well, honey you smelling like vomit all the time isn't such a big turn on either."_

"_Well, since you haven't touched me in years, it shouldn't be your concern."_

"_Maybe. But I do wonder how Jack puts up with it."_

"_What? How..."_

"_How do I know? Please. Don't offend me. It's not like letting him fuck you on my desk is all that subtle."_

"_So what now? You're divorcing me?"_

"_Jack's taken care of."_

"_What did you do?"_

"_He got to choose. Big pile of money waiting for him or ... you. Guess you weren't that precious to him after all."_

"_Fuck you, Chuck!"_

Chuck opened his eyes. Stepping out of the memory. They had fucked right on this table after the argument. He remembered very well. It had been incredibly angry. And incredibly hot.

It had also been the last time they had sat together at this table. That night had been a last grand rise up of passion. After that their marriage really headed south. They became meaner than they ever had been. Back stabbing each other at every single possibility they found. Hurting each other in a a way neither of them would've thought they were capable of.

Determined Chuck shook his head and got up from the table. He would just forget about her. They were divorced. And if she could just back to business as usual then he could too. He would.

* * *

From the moment Blair had stepped a foot in here she couldn't help but feeling terribly frightened. Although she kept up her cool attitude on the outside she digged her nails firmly into the back of Serena's hand.

Maybe she had underestimated what lay ahead of her. Maybe she wasn't strong enough. She should have turned around right after leaving the limo. But now it was to late. She was sitting in her room, staring at the night gown and bathrobe, which lay on the bed already.

Silently she watched Serena dispensing her clothes into the closet. She wanted to tell her friend that she didn't have to help. She'd take care of it herself later. But then she realized that the blonde was actually a lot more comfortable keeping herself busy with something as having to sit next to her and not really knowing what to talk about.

Blair couldn't even blame her. If things were the other way around, she honestly couldn't say if she would even be here. There wouldn't be use for her anyway. Serena had a loving husband that would go through hell for her. And a mother and brother who'd do the same.

And Blair had... well... there was her narcissistic womanizing alcoholic ex husband for once. And her parents. Who weren't really available either. Her mother emotionally, her father geographically.

_Face it honey, you're on your own._ She turned to Serena

"S?" The blonde woman looked up from the various suitcases. "Thanks for being here. In case I haven't mentioned, yet."

"Ms. Waldorf?" A young nurse stepped into the room interrupting their conversation. "I'm sorry to disturb, but we need you to read through this operational reconnaissance and sign it. So just in case any questions come up you can talk to the doctor about it, when he comes here later."

Blair looked at the piece of paper sceptically after the nurse had left. She turned it to Serena.

"_Mastectomy – What to expect" _The sheet said said in a big font.

"Now that sounds like a good read, doesn't it?"

The other woman just looked back at her uneasily.

**To be continued**

AN: Reviews are loved!


	2. Dinner Invitations & Hallways

**Summary: **Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed and put this story on alert! Your guys are my inspiration! Special thanks to my beta Sam! Couldn't do it without you!

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 2: Dinner Invitations & Hallways

Chuck was annoyed. He wasn't in the mood for this. He wasn't in the mood to see either of them. But he had promised it to Lilly. And she had promised that she would leave him alone for at least a month if he attended tonight. Even if it seemed like a fair trade – a few hours of _this_ in exchange for a month of freedom – he'd still rather sit at home drinking and smoking himself to death slowly.

Leaving the elevator he noted with relief that Lilly had kept the dinner party small. Just family. Like she had promised. No family he was related to by blood, whatsoever. No. Just a bunch of people that were somehow related to him by marriage.

Putting on a polite smile he walked towards his stepmother, who immediately greeted him with an air kiss on each cheek.

"I'm so glad you could make it, Charles."

He nodded. "And I'm not here empty handed. The best wine I could find in my stock."

After handing her the bottle he stepped further into the room. "Good evening everyone." He greeted before sitting down on the couch next to Eric. Across from them sat Nate and Jenny in a disgustingly tight embrace. In the corner of his eye he could see Serena and Dan fiddling around in the kitchen with Rufus.

One big happy family, he thought cynical. He and Blair had avoided these kind of dinner invitations in the last few years. Mainly because they couldn't stand how nauseatingly happy everybody acted. It felt like they were the big failures because they couldn't get through the first course without starting to argue. Feeling like a failure wasn't all that new to him. It had nagged on her, whatsoever.

So, one day, they'd just agreed to no longer RSVPing to any kind of cozy family dinners.

"How you're doing Chuck?" Nate asked his best friend. "With the divorce and everything..."

"Splendid, Nathaniel. How is the ... you know ... breeding coming along?" He questioned back, motioning to Jenny's very pregnant stomach.

He knew that he had just provoked a storm. Within seconds they were all excited telling him about the last ultrasound.

Hearing stories about things growing inside of Jenny's uterus might have not been his favorite, but still better than talking about _her._

Chuck had no idea how he had done it, but somehow he had managed to keep up a interested facial expression while the couple in front of him talked about nursery's, OB-GYN's and the pros and cons on c-sections and epidurals.

A breath of relieve escaped him anyway, when Dan walked towards them, asking them to sit down at the table, because dinner was ready. He had never been more happy to see Humphrey in his life.

Through dinner he was thankful for the easy-going small talk Rufus and Lilly were keeping up. And although he'd do hell to admit it, but he was actually enjoying himself.

"Isn't that were Blair is vacationing right now?" Lilly asked her daughter all the sudden.

The punch had hit him in the middle of the main course during a harmless talk about the Mediterranean sea. He choked on his wine.

The blonde just gave her mother a small nod, looking uncomfortable to say the least.

"What on earth is Blair doing on a greek island?" Chuck probed glancing at his stepsister intensely.

"Relaxing." Serena replied, a little to quickly. "She rented a house there and is planning to stay for a while."

"Is that so. I'm just surprised. She didn't even mention it to me the last time I saw her."

"I don't think you have the right to being kept updated about her life, anymore," Serena spat.

"You're right," he returned. "She really should be allowed to spend _my _money in whichever way _she _pleases."

"Don't talk about matter's you clearly don't understand." Serena threw him yet another nasty look across the table.

Up until now Chuck had only assumed that something was off. But now, after his ex's bff being over defensive, he knew that she was definitely hiding something. However, he didn't think family dinner would be the appropriate place to start an inquisition. It was none of his business anymore. It had stopped being his business when he and Blair had signed the divorce papers.

_---_

Feeling exhausted through and through, she closed her eyes trying to maybe get some sleep. But she wouldn't come to rest. The surgery was scheduled for tomorrow morning. Well actually – she looked onto her watch – today. In less than five hours.

After talking to the doctor – which was actually suppose to calm her – she felt more nervous than before. She had talked to her long and urgently. With the purpose to get her soothe her and take away her fears. Blair knew she was the best. She wouldn't have it any other way. But none the less all those words flew through her head. And she wasn't able to get rid of them.

She wanted to get out of here. She wanted to not have cancer. She wanted her life back.

Laying here, alone, inside of this strange sterile hospital she couldn't help, but feeling terribly lonely. Serena had left several hours ago. But not without promising her one more time that she would talk to absolute nobody about this. Could she even complain about being lonely when she wanted nobody around her?

Now that was not entirely true. She would've liked it to have the people she loved around her, but Blair refused to be the victim. Which was exactly what she would turn into, the very moment it would come to anyone's knowledge. They'd treat her like a raw egg. Just like Serena treated her already.

Blair wouldn't allow it. If it was up to her not even her best friend would know. Serena had found out by a coincidence. Being careless for just a once had been enough. She'd left her calendar laying around openly with the appointment for the biopsy written into it. And with the doctors business card attached to it, it wasn't that much of a mystery. _Dr. Victoria Parker, M.D. Oncologist & Breast Surgeon_

Sighing she got up from bed, stepping outside onto the hallway. Maybe she would find a nurse, who could give her a sleeping pill. Blair had only been here for a day and already knew she disliked this hallway, disliked everything outside of her private room. Well actually she even disliked the room.

But the hallway was the worst. Because here, she would meet other patients. Other women with cancer. And that was something that frightened her to her guts. Cuz she was giving those women the same fake smiles, sympathetic looks and pitiful eyes she never wanted for herself.

"You need help, sweetie?" Blair shrieked a little as their suddenly stood someone behind her.

She turned around, spotting a friendly smiling woman behind her. Maybe fortyish. Taking the red head scarf, she was wearing, into consideration, Blair assumed she was a patient as well.

All the sudden she wished to have her hair pined up. It felt strange. She kind of felt guilty although she didn't know why.

Somehow she managed to smile awkwardly. "I'm trying to find a nurse."

"Oh, at night they're in the common room. Just down the hallway, next to the elevators."

"Thanks." Blair nodded and started to walk in the described direction.

"... but I doubt you'll get the sleeping pill you're looking for," the woman called after her. "It's past two o'clock in the morning. They usually don't give them to you past midnight... Something about not being properly awake in the morning and sleeping through the whole next day."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" Blair spoke her thoughts out loud.

The woman laughed and held out her hand. "I'm Hannah."

"Blair." Hesitantly she shook the other womens hand. She hadn't planned to make any social contacts around here.

"So you're having surgery tomorrow?" Hannah asked.

She nodded: "How do you know?"

"Well, you actually still look healthy. Which rules out you having surgery or any other treatment yet. I have my fair share of experience around here. I've been on and off treatment for four years now. Ovarian cancer. Just had a hysterectomy. Now I'm getting another round of chemo."

The casual way that woman talked about all of this to her – a complete stranger - amazed and scared Blair all at once. She always felt her throat closing up when she wanted to say the words breast cancer out loud. Let alone any words that indicated the removal of her breast.

"What about you?", Hannah wanted to know. "I'm guessing... cervix?"

"Breast." Blair responded mutely.

"Really. You seem a little young for that."

"Well then I'll just tell the cancer to come back in ten years." The younger woman snapped back. Was that supposed to make her feel special?

"I didn't mean--"

"I don't really care, to be honest. I'm going to bed now. Good night."

She turned on her heel and stepped back into her room, without giving her opponent a chance to reply anything. Okay, that had been mildly unfair. But she just didn't feel like chit chat and bonding with a strange woman.

Neatly she she hung up her robe moving towards her bed. One step away from her bed she stopped. Eyeing herself in the full length mirror. Yes, she really did look healthy. There was nothing about her that would give as much as a clue about the ticking bomb within her. She actually looked quite attractive in her silk nightgown.

Beautiful. That had been Chuck's words. _God you're beautiful. _A little more than twenty four hours ago.

It seemed odd, that even though he had no idea why she had come to him last night, he had managed to find the perfect words for her. Making her feel more desirable than she had ever felt before in her life. Just like she'd needed him to make her feel. It was someone she would be holding on for the rest of her life.

She let the nightgown slip to the floor and she studied her naked figure. What would she look like with only one breast? Her right nipple covered by her hand she tried to imagine it. Accidentally her fingertips came across the lump. She sighed. _The_ _lump. _It didn't hurt, like she'd imagined. It wasn't even all that big. Maybe as big as a walnut. Hard to picture that something of that size could change her life so dramatically. Or even end it, for that matter.

Putting the nightgown back on she got back into bed. Blair just laid there, above the covers, staring at the ceiling. Knowing she wouldn't sleep a wink until the anesthesia would be induced.

**To be continued**

**AN:** Okay, I know not as long and dramatic as the previous chapter, but still, let me know what you think! Reviews are always loved!


	3. Desperation

**Summary:**Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thank you so much, to everyone who reviewed and put this on alert! You keep me inspired so much, you can't imagine. Now I am afraid, this chapter is even more angsty than the second one. Hope you enjoy anyway! Special thanks as always to my amazing beta Sam!

**Disclaimer:** Though I somehow forgot to mention it in the second chapter, I still don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 3: Desperation

To say she felt like shit would've been the understatement of the century. She was not even able to open her eyes because of the nausea. And her chest was one giant pain.

With closed eyes she let her finger explore the bandages. They were awfully tight. She had to talk herself out of panicking about it. She had been prepared for this beforehand. She would have to try to breathe more into the right - the operated - side of her chest.

The controlled breathing helped her relax enough to open her eyes. Taking a moment to adjust to the blinding light she looked around in the room. Serena slept in the chair next to her bed. Curled up in a way which didn't seem all that comfortable. Blair was surprised to see that it was already morning outside. After waking up for the first time at night, she must have slept through.

"S?" Her voice was as hoarse as her throat felt.

"Hey!" Her friend was awake and at her side in a matter of seconds. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better."

Before either of the two women could say anything else they were disturbed by the doctor knocking on the door before entering the room.

"Ms. Waldorf," Dr. Parker gave her a sympathetic smile. "How are you feeling?"

Blair had only been asked twice, but was annoyed with the question already, though she figured, she would hearing it a lot more in the future. How was she supposed to be feeling? They had just cut one of her breasts off, for the love God!

She swallowed down a bitchy reply and answered calmly instead. "Comfortable to the circumstances."

The doctor studied her chart nodding. "Your vitals look good, too. Anyhow, I unfortunately have to inform you that the procedure turned out to be more complicated than I'd expected."

"Meaning?" Blair felt her throat closing up again. She relaxed a little when Serena took her hand.

"The cancer had already spread more than I'd predicted. So I had to perform, what is called a radical mastectomy. It's the most extensive type. It basically means I had to remove the axillary and subclavicular lymph nodes. And also some of the chest wall muscles."

Serena cleared her throat in order to get the doctor's attention. "How is this going to affect her daily life?"

"Well for once, it increases the risk for a lymphedema dramatically." The doctor turned back to Blair. "And you will find it quite difficult to move your arm for a while." She paused. "I'd also like to start you on chemotherapy as soon as the wound healing is completed."

"Chemo?" Blair felt panic rising. Unable to do anything about it. "You said chemo wouldn't be necessary."

"I know. And I'm really sorry. But with the cancer spread a systemic is just best way to go."

"I let you perform the surgery because you told me because you told me this would restore my health completely. There was never a word about a fucking chemo!"

"I honestly didn't think it would be necessary. But I have to be honest, Ms. Waldorf. If you wanna _restore your health_, this is the option I'm giving you."

"I'll have to think about it." Blair answered, her voice clearly dismissive the doctor.

Dr. Parker gave her and Serena a nod.

The blonde turned to her the moment the door was closed. "You'll _think_ about it, B? Seriously? That's your answer?"

"Easy for you to talk!"

"What is there to think about? You heard what she said. If you wanna live--"

"Who says I want to live?" Blair cut her off.

What reason did she really have for living? No kids. No relationship. Friends who were all busy living there own happy lives. There was nothing really worth living for.

"You don't mean that." Serena had a horrified expression on her face.

The brunette turned her head away from her friend facing the wall. "I'm exhausted. I think I'll sleep some more. You should go home and do the same."

"I'm staying. Just as I promised," Serena replied, shaking her head and never letting go of her friends hand.

"Doing what? Watching me sleep?" Blair snapped and pulled away from the blonde. "Go."

The commanding tone in her voice left no room for arguing, Serena grabbed her purse and walked to the door. Before stepping out of the room she turned around once more. "If you need anything at all, call me. I'll come back tomorrow."

"Don't bother."

"I _will_ be back tomorrow", Serena insisted before heading out.

A single tear rolled over her cheek as she heard the door click shut. Angrily Blair wiped it away, refusing to give into the desperation she felt.

**To be continued**

**AN:** Kinda short? Well the more you review, the faster I'll update! =)


	4. A Favor

**Summary:**Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thanks for your amazing reviews you guys! You don't know how much they inspire me! Special thanks to my awesome beta Sam!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 4: A Favor

Chuck enjoyed his second scotch as he listened to the soft piano playing in the background of the Palace hotel bar. He had known that Serena wasn't telling the truth. He'd actually thought of his step sister as a better liar. At least good enough to not get him suspicious.

Now his PI Mike had confirmed his suspicion. Apparently there were some interesting details for him to find out about this allegedl. Europe stay. And in only a few minutes he would know what was going on.

"Mr. Bass." Absorbed in his thoughts, Chuck hadn't even noticed the private investigator's approach from behind him.

"Mike." He gestured to the bar stool next to him. "Please take a seat."

"Whiskey, please," Mike told the bartender.

"What have you got?"

He watched him leaning back in his seat, drinking his whiskey as if he had all time in the world. "I don't think you'll like what I have for you."

"How about I decided that, after you've told me?" Chuck refused to play games with this dick, his voice clearly showing that he was not amused.

The PI remained with a smug smile on his lips: "The payment first. As arranged."

Chuck could feel himself getting impatient. He took another sip of his scotch, to keep himself from shaking the information out of the other man. Then he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, handing the agreed amount over.

The fact that Mike took his time, drove Chuck up the walls completley. He seized the PI by his collar and his voice deadly stern as he spoke. "One more time. What did you find out?"

The other man shook Chuck's hand off like a annoying fly, bringing his tie back into place. "Turns out you were right. You're step sister was lying to you."

"So Blair isn't in Europe?" He could pratically feel his eyes flash with triumph. He'd been right. And now he would track down Blair.

"Oh no, she is." Those words took the wind out of Chuck's sails.

"But you just said Serena was lying." To say he was beyond confused now would've been an understatment.

"Yes," the PI continued. "That's because she isn't on the Greek Islands as she said."

"Well, where the fuck is she?"

"You remember sending your Uncle off to Switzerland?"

Realization hit Chuck like a sledgehammer. "She's with him?"

Mike nodded silently.

He started down onto the marble counter, his eyes dark. "Thanks for your services, Mike. You can go now."

He downed his drink and acknowledged him with a nod. "Anytime, Boss," with those words he left.

Chuck felt so many emotions inside him he thought he might go crazy. _That whore._ He was raging. But also deeply hurt. He grabbed a bottle of scotch out of the bar stock. After a big pull he could feel himself relaxing a bit.

What an idiot it had been! It certainly all made sense now, though. Blair's emergence at the Palace had just been another game. And it had been her masterstroke. Raising his hopes by seducing him, only so she could crush him by revolving her affair with his uncle afterwards. And she certainly had suceeded.

---

Blair was awoken by the sound of her cellphone vibrating on the night stand. She reached for it without even bother to take a look at the caller ID. She knew who it would be.

"Mike," she stated after taking the call.

"It's done."

"Did he buy it?" she surprised herself on how businesslike her voice sounded.

"Yes," the PI confirmed.

"Good," she exhaled in relief.

"Just so we clear, Ms. Waldorf: This was a one time thing. My reputation is at stake here, I can't afford to lose a long-term client like Mr. Bass, because I deliver incorrect information."

"You owed me," Blair clarifyed. "Now we're even."

Without another word she hung up by flipping her cell shut. She waited to feel some kind of relief but it never came. If anything she felt worse than she had before.

But she simply couldn't allow Chuck finding out. She wanted him to remember her as the sexy, beautiful woman that showed up at his doorstep at night in nothing but a coat and some slutty lingerie. Her nightly tryst at the Palace hadn't just been something for her to remember. It had also been for him.

The warning bells in her head had started ringing the very moment Serena had told her about the almost interrogation at dinner. She had known that once Chuck had gotten suspicious it would be hard to knock him off course. But then calling in a favour Mike owed her had been easier then she'd predicted.

She closed her eyes in order to get some more sleep. Her plan had fallen perfectly into place. But somehow the usual satisfaction about it failed to appear.

**To be continued**

**AN: **Hope you guys don't hate me now... Next chapter will be longer I promise! Review please!


	5. So What!

**Summary:**Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Wow! Nineteen reviews! You guys are truly amazing! That inspires me so much, you have no idea! Here's the next chapter. As promised longer, than the previous! Enjoy!

Special thanks as always to my awesome beta Sam!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 5: So What!

"Just calm the fuck down!"

"Excuse me?" Nate's pitch was somewhere between hysterical and mad. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"I heard very well what you said. You yelled it right into my ear canal." Although Chuck still remained unimpressed.

"It's happening!" Nate repeated nonetheless. "Her water just broke."

"I know. And I said I'll get you to the hospital in time. I'll make sure that the first thing the kid sees will be his lunatic daddy."

Chuck sighed. If he had known this in advance he'd never agreed to have lunch with Nate in the first place. Especially not when he was still terribly hungover from the attemp to vanish every single memory of Blair with scotch.

Silently he just hoped that Jenny would manage to keep the little brat inside long enough for them to arrive.

No.

Wrong phrase there. For him to drop Nate off. Cuz there was no freaking way he was going in. Even if he actually was Nate's best friend and they considered him family. They weren't. He had no family. Period.

When the limo pulled up in front of, what was, according to his best friend, the best gynaelocigal hospital in the state, Nate was fidgeting in his seat like a fish out of the water. The car stopped and he jumped out immediately only to return after a few seconds.

"Aren't you coming?"

"No."

"But I need you."

"No you don't Nathaniel. You made it through the conception without me, too. You'll be fine."

"Okay." Nate nodded, though he didn't make a single move to get inside.

Chuck sighing got out of his seat and gave his friend a gentle push towards the entry. "Go!"

Smirking he watched Nate stumbling inside. _Poor Jenny. _Hopefully her DNA would dominate.

Just as he was about to get back into his limo a familiar mane of blonde hair rushed past him.

"Serena?"

The addressed froze in her step and turned towards him. She looked at him like she'd seen a ghost.

"Chuck?"

"Yes. Don't look at me all that horrified..."

"W-What are you doing here?" It may have been his imagination, but she acted strange. Could it be remorse because she'd lied about Blair?

"Just dropped off, Nate."

"Nate's here?"

"Yeah. Although I'm not sure he'll make it through the show without fainting."

"What show? Why would he faint?" Serena looked puzzled.

"Men tend to do that during the delivery of their babies," Chuck said in a voice, like he was talking to a four year old.

"Jenny's having the baby?" she cried out.

"Isn't that why you're here?"

"Yes. Of course. Why else would I be here?" she laughed nervously.

"Exactly. But why did you just ask if Jenny was having the baby, then?" He was beyond confused now. Something was up.

"It was a statement." She explained. "I responded to your comment on freaked out Nate by saying '_Jenny's_ having the baby!'"

"But why did your voice go up in the end?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?" she snapped. "I don't have time for this!"

Chuck frowned as he watched her almost run into the building. Her last sentences was the one thing he actually believed. She were pressed for time. And she'd seemed rushed and nervous when she'd spotted him. But she sure as hell wasn't here for Jenny.

---

Blair had remained in her state of denial since she had sent away Serena the day before. Refusing to think about any of the stuff she was supposed to think about. Chemo wasn't part of the plan and therefore not worth wasting any thoughts about it. Well actually having cancer at all hadn't been quite part of her plan.

"Ms. Waldorf?" The nurse's voice ripped her out of her non-thoughts.

She looked up at the woman and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Hi, I'm nurse Susan. It's time to renew your bandages."

"Do what you have to do." Blair nodded, lifting her nightgown as she watched the nurse preparing the material.

The scissors felt cold against her skin when the nurse cut the elastic bandage. Blair just stared stubbornly towards the ceiling. There was a slight pinch when the plaster was removed. Feeling the cold air hitting her skin she knew that the bandages were away completely now. She just continued to fixate on point above her. She wouldn't allow herself to look down at her destroyed, ill body.

"Would you like me to get you a mirror?" Susan's voice was gentle as she asked. .

Blair squeezed her eyes shut, in order to keep the tears from falling and shook her head. It just was too much.

"Alright. Then I'm going to clean the wound now. You may feel a slight burning when I do it."

Blair didn't answer, but tried to concentrate her thoughts on something else. She imagined herself back to her happy place. Which surprisingly – not entirely true – turned out to be room 1812 in the Palace hotel. She remembered how it had felt to fall asleep in his arms. Familiar. Good. Safe.

She just felt herself calming down as the unexpected sound of the door opening made her eyes snap open. By now she was pretty much used to the fact that the hospital staff, with a few exceptions, didn't really bother knocking. But she'd figured that at a intimate and equally embarrassing moment like that there would be at least some kind of "Do not disturb" sign at the door.

"Oh my... I'm sorry... I didn't know..."

The voice of her made her look up. Serena stared right back. Stared at her chest. Apparently unable to move. She looked as pale as the white hospital wallpaper.

"I'll wait outside." The blonde slowly backed away after finding her tongue again.

"Stay." Blair had no idea why she'd said that. "Please." All she knew was that she really wanted her best friend to be here.

Serena just nodded, slowly approaching the bed. There were tears shimmering in her eyes. Immediately she took her friends hand into her own. Blair squished it so tight, her nails were digging into the other woman's palm.

"Susan." She addressed the nurse quite suddenly. "I changed my mind. I want a mirror."

She could do this. With her best friend right next to her, she could.

Without a word the nurse pulled a hand mirror out of the sideboard across the room where she'd gotten fresh bandaging material just a minute ago, handing it to the patient.

Shaking a little she lifted the mirror into the right position rather slowly. The doctor hadn't understated when she had told her the movement of her right arm would be limited. Taking another deep breath she felt Serena reassuring gentle squeeze on her left hand.

Fearfully she slowly began to inspect her chest. It was different than she'd imagined. The pale skin lay flatly above her rib cage. On the level where the breast nipple had been a thin line ran across half of her chest. Not entierly straight, a little rounded. Held together by stitches. It simply looked horrifying to her. With her left breast being perfectly fine it somehow made her whole upper body look asymmetric.

Breathing out she handed the mirror back to Susan. She felt the elusive need to cry. This had to be some kind of bad dream. It was just impossible that it was really Blair Waldorf laying inside this hospital bed, being that distorted.

Until two weeks ago, her biggest worry had been how to squeeze as much as possible out of divorcing Chuck. Talk about karma.

The nurse applied a new bandage in quick and skilfully motions. "Alright, now that's done I'll leave you and your friend alone. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call for me. The physical therapist should come to see you soon, too."

"Thank you", Blair answered politely. Though she didn't really know why she was thanking the women. For giving her the worst moment in her adult life?

"B?" Serena's soft voice sounded to her ear. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?" Was the prompt and similar bitchy response as she gestured towards her bandaged chest.

"It's not that bad."

"Yeah, right," Blair spat bitterly. "So that's why you looked ready to keel over when you came in here."

"B..." Serena sounded tortured and tired. "You're still beautiful."

_Beautiful._ Blair couldn't bear to hear that word now. Especially not out of Serena's mouth. _Serena_, Blair thought resignedly. _Perfect Serena. With her long gorgeous shiny hair and her perfect tits._

"Let's just... _not_ talk about this right now," Blair suggested, angry at herself for how shaky her voice came out. "Just... tell me something that is happening outside of this room. Please?"

Serena seemed to be actually kind of relieved for the change of topic as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Apparently cancer, chemo and mastectomies weren't her favorite small talk topics either.

"Guess who I ran into just outside!"

"Not in the mood for a pop quiz, S," the brunette replied dryly.

"Chuck."

"Chuck? Why would Chuck be here? You didn't--? S! You promised!" Blair's voice hat reached its full level of shrillness now.

Serena made a soothing gesture. "And I didn't. Don't worry. He was just here to drop off Nate."

"What would Nate want in a gynocologist clinic?" The moment she'd said it dawned on her. "Oh my god! Jenny's having her baby?"

The blonde nodded with a big smile. "As we speak."

"That's really great. I'm so happy for them." It was a lie par excellence. She knew it was abysmally selfish, but with herself feeling that tremendously lousy she couldn't manage to come up with any enjoyment for the fortune of other people. Did that make her a bad person? Maybe. But she really had other things on her mind than the flaws of her character.

"So, Chuck was here, too?" Blair did her best to sound as nonchalant as possible. "What did you tell him why you were here?"

"Don't worry. He thought I was here because of Jenny. And I just affirmed that suspicion."

"Good. He can not find out."

"B, you do know that you won't be able to hide this from everyone forever."

"I will if you manage to keep your mouth shut." Blair was back in her stubborn mode.

"Don't you think it would be good to have more of your friends around you? Especially with the chemo coming up...", she stopped. "Oh you've got to be kidding."

Blair's lips had turned into a thin line, her jaw clenching.

"Oh, don't tell me you're still on that refusing chemo nonsense!" The blonde rolled her eyes.

"I'd like to see what you would do if they told you to have pure poison pumped into your body that would cause you to lose your hair."

"Blair you know that the hair will grow back."

"Yeah after I've been feeling like shit for months."

"So what?"

"So what!?" Blair's voice was, though it was calm, sharp like a knife.

"Yes. So what!" Serena countered, clearly rushing with anger. "If it means that you'll live than yes: So what! What are a few months of feeling miserable compared to the rest of your life?"

"Just leave me alone."

"The hell I will!" Serena was almost yelling, which caused Blair to look up at her stunned. The blonde was clearly pissed now. "Oh yeah, you heard me quite right. As soon as somebody tells you something you don't like you just send them away. But I will not have it! I'm your best friend and you will listen to what I have to tell you!"

"No." Blair simply said.

With a hand on each side of her friends face, Serena forced her to look at her. "B, we're not talking about if you should put perfume on for a charity event. This is about if you'll live or die."

Blair held the gaze without as much as a wink. Without a further word she hit the button to call the nurse.

Susan appeared in the door just a moment later looking at her patient questioningly. "What can I do for you Ms. Waldorf?"

"I'm really not feeling well. Would you please escort my friend out. I'd really like to rest." Serena's jaw had literally dropped at her friends over dramatic voice.

"You've got to be kidding...," the blonde muttered under her breath.

"Miss?" the nurse turned to Serena. "You're friend has just had major surgery. I think it'd be best to grant her the relaxation she needs."

"You won't be able to avoid this conversation forever, B!" the blonde tried one more time in a calm voice.

"Miss. Please," Susan insisted one more time.

Holding up her hands in defense Serena took her bag and complied with the orders. "I'll see you tomorrow, B!" She called back into the room sounding really frustrated.

"Not if I get a say in it,_" _Blair muttered under her breath.

**To be continued**

**AN:** Review please!


	6. Scared

**Summary:** Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** You guys are simply amazing! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, put this story on alert or their favorite list! I squeal everytime I see any of those in my inbox! So please keep them coming! So here, after a slightly longer waiting time, the next chapter. Hope you like it. Enjoy!

Special thanks to Sam! Couldn't do it without you! *hugs*

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything. Unfortunatley.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 6: Scared

"Chuck."

He looked up from the pile of files on his desk. In the door frame stood his step sister and going by her looks he could guess her next line before she opened her mouth.

"I need your help," she said.

Getting up he walked around his desk pointing suggestively at the sitting area by the large window. He studied her as she followed him there and settled herself down onto the dark leather couch.

"You sure look like it." The minute she'd walked in here he'd noticed her exhausted looks and the dark circles around her eyes that she'd tried to cover with make up unsuccessful. "What can I do for you?"

Mutely she took the glass of scotch he handed her. She drank out half of the liquid instantly. He'd been surprised when she hadn't declined the drink in the first place. But when she'd drowned a drink she didn't even like, before three in the afternoon, things had to be really serious.

"Chuck I really need to trust you. I'm hoping that deep down inside you're actually are a decent person and won't make me regret this."

"Now, why do I feel like we had that conversation before?"

"Well, maybe because I'm at my wit's end. Once again." Worn out she twirled the glass between her palms.

"I'm going to venture a wild guess here and say it's the same person that brings you here. Once again?" He poured himself a drink, too. Knowing that he'd need it.

"Yes."

"What did Jack do?" he asked.

Serena threw him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb, Serena. I know she's with him in Switzerland."

"No, she's not." Serena took a deep breath before she continued. "She's here in Manhattan... in a hospital."

Chuck was seized with panic immediately unable to speak for a second. A million horror scenarios running through his head all at once. Had Jack hurt her? What had he done to her? Beaten her up while he was stoned? He'd kill the asshole.

"Why?" he asked quietly, his voice sounding awfully thin. "What happened? What did that bastard do?"

"She never was with Jack. And she never was in Europe."

"She never was with him?" Chuck was beyond confused now.

"About two weeks ago", Serena evidently struggled to find the words, "Blair discovered a lump in her breast..."

She might as well just punched him in the stomach. Lump wasn't good. But Serena needing him to talk about this was even worse.

"Benign?" he asked hopefully though already knowing the answer, since his sister wouldn't be here otherwise.

"No. It's invasive lobular carcinoma. She has had a mastectomy a few days ago."

What had been left of the usual serve self-control on his face dropped right the moment she finished her sentences. That just couldn't be true. Not Blair. Not _his_ Blair.

"Beforehand it seemed like she would be fine once the surgery taken place", she paused for a second. "But it turned out the cancer had already progressed further than assumed."

A wave of guilt rushed over him. He should've known. The minute she'd shown up that night he should've known something was up. Seducing him after the dreadful divorce they have had, had been totally out of character for Blair. He wished that he could go back in time and stop her from leaving the morning after at the Palace. So that way he could've been there for her during all she had went through.

"Meaning?" He hold onto his glass so tight he expected for it to reckon any minute. Strung to breaking point by now. Somehow he hoped this was just a bad dream he would wake up from any minute now.

Serena quickly emptied her drink. "Meaning she's going to need chemo. Which she refuses vividly."

"Why would she--"

"Because she's scared out of her right mind," Serena interrupted him in the middle of his question. "Because she's terrified, but to proud and to stubborn to admit it."

Chuck nodded silently. He knew about the side effects of chemo. He could barley imagine how his ex-wife would deal with the loss of her breast, but chemo... that would add a whole new level of horror.

"She's released herself from the hospital today." Hearing that had Chuck immediately snapped out of his thoughts. "Against medical advice."

"Where's she now?"

"Her penthouse. Chuck, I don't know what to do anymore!" Serena buried her face in her hands, when she looked up it was tear stained. "She refuses to see me. She's not answering any of my calls or text'."

"What makes you think she'll talk to me. The two of you are clearly tighter than we are."

"Maybe." She sighed. "But you _are_ _Chuck_." The tone in her voice indicated that just that fact would solve everything.

---

Frustrated Blair smashed the next available item, which turned out to be an innocent hairbrush, against the mirror. Staring at her reflection in the shattered glass, she felt so helpless it was ridiculous. The cancer had not only destroyed her former beautiful body, but it had left her dependent as well. Because of the missing musculature she was unable to do as much as put her hair up in a simple pony tail. Unable to properly dress herself and zip her dress up.

"Dorota!" she called out resignedly. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, dashing away the thought that maybe she shouldn't have left the hospital that early after all. "I can't--"

A look towards the door later she stopped in her tracks. Chuck. Life-sized. Leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest and staring back at her. Blair's heart dropped immediately to her stomach.

She could see it in his eyes. He knew.

"Now what do you think you're doing here," she spat, her eyes flaming up with anger. Unwillingly to act as vulnerable as she felt. As he must've thought she was. Seeing her like this. Messy hair, a broken mirror and her dress unzipped.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was soft.

Her eyes were cold and cruel when she faced him from her sitting position. "Because it's none of your fucking business, anymore. You never were supposed to find out."

"But I did," he replied calm, before sitting down next to her. "And that makes it my business."

Blair eagerly shook her head, staring to the ground. "I don't want you here. I don't want you seeing me like this."

"Of course you don't." He rolled his eyes. "But if I'd ever listened to what_ you_ want, we would've never ended up together in the first place."

"Really not in the mood for a walk down memory lane, Chuck."

"Good. What _do _you wanna talk about?" he asked.

"I want you to leave!" she replied annoyed.

"And I want to be seventeen again. Not gonna happen either."

"Don't you get that I'm embarrassed?" her voice raised a little.

She felt his eyes burning on her as she walked over to the sink, leaning over it, her back facing him. Unable to face him any longer. Her hands were trembling heavily.

"Why would you be embarrassed?"

"Why?" she was almost yelling by now. "Seriously? Why?"

"Yes." He got up and stood behind her, his voice biting. "Why?"

When she didn't answer he twisted her around by her shoulders, resting his hands there. She had to swallow to keep herself from crying.

"Look at me, Chuck," she was shouting now, freeing herself out of his embrace. "I'm a pathetic sight. I'm unable to dress myself. I'm a mess. I'm distorted. I'm not even a real woman anymore."

He grabbed her chin forcing her to look him in the eye. "You're a _beautiful_ woman, Blair."

She shook her head fiercely when she felt his arms wrapping around her. Pressing her palms against his chest in order to keep him away.

"Let me go!" she yelled hysterically. "I don't want you're fucking pity."

In result he only tightened up his embrace, where she still struggled to get free. She pushed and fought, but he wouldn't budge.

"You son of a bitch!" the yelling continued and she started to smack her tiny fists against his chest. "Why can't you just leave me alone? What makes you think that I need you now? You never were here any time I needed you before!"

Every time she'd managed to put a small gap between their bodies he pulled her right back. Whatever insults she threw at him he just stayed quiet. The harder she fought, the more tender he soothed her back.

Hot tears of anger and frustration leaked out of her eyes rolling over her cheeks, as her words softened. And her wrestling faded. She let her face rest against his shoulder, feeling his stubbly cheek against her own. When the familiar scent of him reached her nose the last bit of her self restrain went down the drain.

Her hands stopped pushing and held onto him instead. She let out a small sob, with more tears running down her face. Tears that slowly drenched the collar of his shirt. The sobs grew louder. Heart wrenching. Until she was crying beyond control.

"I'm so scared, Chuck," she admitted, slightly hiccuping.

She felt a kiss being placed on her hair, before he answered her. "I know, baby. Me too."

---

Chuck remained in the door frame for a moment, a tray in his hand. He'd to improvise something for dinner since he'd sent exhausted looking Dorota home. Taking care of Blair when she was in this state, had certainly not been a picnic for the maid.

He studied Blair who sat curled up in her favorite arm chair. She looked incredibly tiny. So vulnerable. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and never let go.

But he knew that she would keep him at distance again now. The very moment Blair had laid in his arms crying he knew that once she would've settled down, her emotional protective shield would be up to it's all-time peak. She had always been like that.

Wordlessly he put the tray down on the mahogany table in front of her. On the couch across from her he sat keeping his eyes glued onto her. Even being seriously ill she was perfect to him.

It all seemed surreal. Only a week ago or so, he'd carried a dreadful divorce battle with this woman, making sure she wouldn't get a single penny to much. Now he would be willing to give away all of his fortune, if that only meant she would be healthy.

"Maybe you should take a picture," she suggested. "It'll last longer."

"I prefer the original," he answered, holding up a small bowl with fruit salad in front of her. "You should eat."

"I'm not hungry." She shoved the food away and crossed her arms.

"Still," he insisted. "Vitamins are important."

"I'm not hungry."

Only she could glare that furious in spite of her red, puffy eyes. In fact she looked angrier than she had in some of their worst fights.

"I don't care! You have to eat!"

Looking at her demanding he set the bowl down on the armrest of her chair.

"I said I'm not hungry!" Her voice was absolutely calm, which made it even more surprising when she smashed the bowl against the wall a second later.

Sighing he leaned back in his seat. Fantastic. Blair's natural temper composed with bullishness and mortal fear wasn't good. Not at all. But if she thought that a few shards and pieces of fruit scattered on the tiles were enough to scare him away she was wrong.

"What are you even doing here?" she asked, sounding tired.

"I wanna be here for you," he responded.

"Doing what? Watching me vegetate?"

She sounded so monotonous, it gave him the creeps. Her attitude was demoralizing. He wanted to shake her. He wanted her to fight. He wanted her to drop out of this nerve-stretching apathy. Even her crying her brains out was better than this. Deep down he'd really hoped that after her meltdown in the bathroom she would trust him enough to let him in.

But he really should've known better.

As soon as she had calmed down, she did what Blair did best. She went into denial. It was like the moment before had never happened.

"I'll stay." His voice left no room for discussion.

"Obviously I can't stop you." He watched her as she walked towards the stairway, not deign to look at him. "But I refuse to sit here with you and play house!"

"Don't push me away, Blair," he said, while walking after her. "I just want to make sure your okay."

"I'm not your responsibility, Chuck. You're not my husband anymore." She didn't even turn around to look him at him.

"But I am me." He could see her stopping in her tracks, tensing up. "Remember what you said to me after my father's funeral?"

Her eyes were cold as ice when she turned to him. "That was a long time ago. None of it is valid anymore."

"None of it?" he questioned, not believing a single word she was saying.

"None of it," she confirmed before continuing her way upstairs.

Anyone else wouldn't have had a single doubt about the trueness of her words. For a moment even he believed her. She was a good actress. Years of being the most manipulative bitch on the Upper East Side paid off well in moments like this one. Still, she wasn't good enough to fool her equally manipulative male counterpart.

Sighing he watched after her as she stomped off to her bedroom and slammed the door shut. Serena hadn't downplayed when she'd said Blair was stubborn.

But honestly what had he expected? That _him_ showing up on her doorstep would be enough to change her mind about a matter of vital importance? The night at the Palace hadn't changed anything about what was destroyed between them interpersonal vise. What had been destroyed quite a while ago.

He was sure if things were the other way around he wouldn't want her here. - Subjecting the condition that she still cared about him enough to be here if circumstances lay vice versa. - But he still to refused to give up. Sooner or later the wall she'd built around herself would start to crumble. He'd just have to show a lot of patience. Something that wasn't necessarily a strong suit of Chuck Bass.

---

Blair awoke when it was already dark outside. A glance towards her nightstand clock revealed that she must have dozed off for a little more than five hours ago. Motionless she continued laying, closing her eyes again. Hoping that she would just drift back to sleep.

Sleeping was the most comfortable to her. When she was sleeping her thoughts wouldn't catch up with her. Thoughts about her life in general. Thoughts about decisions she had made in her life. Thoughts about Chuck. Thoughts about cancer and death in specific.

Getting through a day turned out to rather challenging these days. Being trapped in her apartment - even if it was by choice - could make twenty four hours feel like an eternity. Sleeping made time pass by a little faster.

When she slept she could escape the hard reality with her dreams. Those were surprisingly, considering the tragic circumstances, still most wonderful. In her dreams she was happy. And most of all healthy.

Every time she woke up reality hit her right in the face.

In spite of her best efforts sleep seemed to be out of the question. Even though her mind was incredibly tired her body was wide awake. Still she didn't move a bit, keeping her eyes closed. Hoping that her will power would be enough to make her drift off. She stayed that way even when the noise of the opening door reached her ears.

"Blair?" Chuck's voice was low. "Are you sleeping?"

Not moving the slightest bit she hoped he would just leave. For about a minute all she heard was silence. No sign of the anticipated shutting the door sound. When it finally came the exhale of relief got stuck in her throat as steps approached the bed. She did her best to keep her breaths even and deep, so he wouldn't bust her.

Which turned out especially hard when the mattress eased under his weight.

Of course she could've dropped her act. Yell at him. Tell him to fuck off, once again. But she knew it would be useless. She couldn't come up with the needed strength to fight him. Not right now. She would loose. Break down again. Like she had a few hours ago in the bathroom.

She still wanted to strangle herself for showing so much weakness in front of him. Him of all people. Why had he still that much influence on her? The closure she had hoped the divorce would give her had never appeared. But why? She had meant what she had said. She didn't want him here. If it wasn't for her illness he wouldn't waste as much as a thought for her. If she could take anyone's pity – she couldn't take his.

From the shifting on the bed she could tell that he had laid down next to her. Luckily her back was facing him. If he would be able to see her face, he would've known she wasn't really sleeping.

About a millions emotions rushed up in her when he rested his hand on her shoulder. Softly stroking up and down her arm. Only under immense struggle she kept up the Sleeping Beauty act. Almost disappointed when he drew his hand away.

"The worst thing you've ever done," he began, his voice barley a whisper. She could feel tears burning behind her shut eyelids." The darkest thought you've ever had. I'll stand by you through anything. I promise, Blair."

The mattress shifted again and she could hear him leave the room without as much as another word.

**To be continued**

**AN:** Liked it? Hated it? Loved it? Please let me know! Reviews are loved!


	7. A Natrual

**Summary:** Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Wow! 29 reviews! I certainly must've done something right with the last chapter! Thank you so much to all of you! I loved it! I hope you'll like this chapter as well! Enjoy!

Once again, thanks to you, Sam! Your awesome! *kiss*

BTW: I apologize for any spelling mistakes in this chapter. It's not the fault of my beta Sam. She did a great job as always. I'm slightly drunk while posting this... =)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

Chapter 7: A Natrual

Awkward. Chuck wondered if he could find another word that would actually fit the situation of him and Blair sitting there and having breakfast together. Awkward came close. But it didn't even come close to how strange this scenario really was.

Talking-wise she still only bared the necessities.

_Maybe you should've made you're amazing speech, when she was actually awake, you fool._

He didn't really blame her for not trusting him. After the history they had, why would she? Every single time one of them had shown the slightest weakness in the past, the other one had exploit with bodacious.

When he had been tense about closing an important business deal, she'd done her best to make sure he would fail. When she had been nervous about a upcoming social event he'd done his best to embarrass her.

It had been there regular cat and mouse game. It'd only been a matter of time till one of them would exaggerate it.

Which he'd managed. Remarkably.

"_Why do we have to go there, again?"_

"_Because Eleanor insisted that we'd come."_

"_Only a reason more not to."_

"_She's your mother, Blair."_

"_Only by blood."_

"_Cut the martyr act. Don't think I couldn't find other things to do on a friday night instead of going to a Eleanore Waldorf-Rose dinner party."_

"_What? Boozing and Whoring?"_

"_To name a few."_

"_You're disgusting."_

"_I try."_

"_While we're at it. I'd appreciate it if your bimbo Valerie wouldn't let her stuff go into our laundry. The next time I find a cheap tacky no-name thong in my underwear drawer I swear I'll make you wear it."_

"_Kinky. I didn't know you still had it in you."_

"_..."_

"_Glaring me to death won't work, wife. You've tried it countless times, remember? But it's a good thing you bring her up, actually. There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. I was gonna wait till later, but I guess now is a good a time as ever."_

"_What?"_

"_Val's appartment building is being fully renovated."_

"_Good for her."_

"_Basically yes. But it means she's practically homeless, for the next six months."_

"_You own half the hotels in Manhattan. I'm sure you'll find a room that's as cheap as she is."_

"_You see, Blair... spending most of my youth in a hotel suite myself, I know how unpersonal those can be."_

"_I don't like where you're going with this."_

"_She's gonna stay in our guestroom."_

"_Over my dead body!"_

"_I'm not asking your premission."_

"_She's not stepping a foot in our home!"_

"_Just look at the bright side. This will minimize my tries of claiming your conjugal duty."_

"_Don't carry it to far, Chuck. Or I'll divorce you so quickly you'll be dizzy."_

"_You're way to conceited to step aside for your husbands mistress and we both know that. And since all of our accounts are in my name you might wanna overthink the whole divorce thing."_

It had never actually come to the point of Valerie moving in. Chuck had become bored with Valerie before. But he had invited his lover to a few, for Blair very important, dinner parties. He'd found joy in degrading his wife, when she kept up the perfect hostess while he'd unbluntly flirted with another woman in front of New York's high society.

Only short time after that she'd started the affair with Jack. She'd repayed him by having an affair with the soley blood relative he had left. That had struck home.

How in the world had they become so mean?

Newlywed they seemed to be the happiest couple in the whole world. A unit. Nothing was able to tear them apart. The uncrowned king and queen of the Upper East Side.

The untroubled fortune lasted for about four years. About the time when Blair decided to leave the law firm she'd been in. She'd found the job not being as fullfilling as she had hoped and decided to temporaily merge in her role as socialite on her husbands side until she would figure out what she really wanted.

That was when the balance between them had shifted.

Up and till then they both of them had been constantly busy. He with Bass Industries, she at her law firm. Now she all of the sudden felt neglected by her husband. And he found her to clingy suddenly.

Having so much time again, old fears and insecurities broke open in her. When he'd turned down sex after an exhausting day at work she'd jump to the conclusion that she wasn't attractive anymore or that he was cheating on her.

So in order to be the perfect wife she brought her whole life into line with him. And the more he struggled for his freedome the more she clapsed. Which in turn let to him pushing her away even more. A catch-22.

It was him who cheated on her in the first place. Afterwards he came home, gloomy and full of guilt, confessing everything to his shocked wife.

But instead of talking about what was wrong with them, they ended up having desperate make up sex. Which turned out to be a disaster. Blair had been even more insecure about herself and her body after he'd betrayed her.

Chuck was full of remorse and tried everything to pleasure her, but she was so caught up in her self counciousness that she just laid there stiff, full of tension enduring his endearment.

He knew that she loved him very much but his breach of trust had bruised her deeply. Obviously she thought that he didn't love her anymore. Which couldn't have been farer away from the truth.

Slowly but constantly they drifted apart after that. And slowly hurt feelings turned into random cruelty. Which turned to open humiliation.

It was a mystery to everyone, why they hadn't filled for divorce much earlier. Up to about one year ago they hadn't even considered it. Most people just thought of them as masochists who stuck together to prevent a scandal and because they were in someway addicted to each other. He'd started to think the same.

But as he sat there, watching Blair as she frowned over the current newspaper, picking at her food as usual, he knew that the reason was way simpler.

Somewhere deep inside of both of them, below all the hate, bitterness and the dissapointment a small rest of love had lasted. And filling for divorce eventually hadn't changed that.

"You should eat up," he told her, earning a death glare. "You have a doctors appointment in forty five minutes."

"Excuse me?" Her glare became a weapon of mass destruction.

"Your doctor called yesterday when you were asleep," he explained. "She said she wanted to talk to you, about your options."

"Well, you can call her and cancel, because I'm not going. How dare you making appointments for me in the first place?"

"I know...," he drawled. "You're not my wife, you're not my responsibility, you don't want me here."

"And yet, here you are," she snapped back.

"Ms. Blair," Dorota disturbed the glaring competition between the divorced couple by adressing her employer. "Ms. Serena here for you. Should I let her in?"

"You let him in," the brunette answered, gesturing towards her ex husband. "Why bother asking me know?"

The maid remained there uncertain for a moment, looking at Chuck for help. He gave her a slight nod, at which she made her way back to the entrance.

"Hey B!"

When his step sister entered the room Blair didn't acknowledge her at all. Her eyes remained fixaed at the paper in front of her.

"How're you feeling?"

"Fantastic," Blair replied not bothering to look up. "Haven't you heard? Mastectomies are the new facials."

Serena threw Chuck a uncomfortable look. He just jerked his shoulders. Offence had always been Blair's best deffence.

"Have you reconsidered your options?" Serena asked not responsing to her friends comment.

"No," Blair answered in her ice queen manner. "But you apparently your promise of secrecy."

"Serena was right to tell me," Chuck interjected.

"Well, since the two of you seem to be getting along so good, I'll leave you alone so you can openly talk about my behalfs," with those words the brunette slammed her napkin onto the table and left the room.

"I should talk to her," Serena said with a sigh and motioned to stand up but he stopped her.

"Let me," he said, walking after his ex wife.

He found her just like predicted once again curled up in her favorite chair in the living room.

"What part of leave me alone didn't you understand?"

"Listen," he started, stepping towards her. "I know that you're scared."

She involuntarily jerked at his words. Apparently mad at herself for showing so much weakness yesterday.

"What do you want me to say?" She ran a hand through her hair a desperate expression on her face. "Yes I am. I'm terribly scared. You're happy now?"

He kneeled on the floor in front of her so that their faces were at the same level and shook his head slightly.

"Not until you choose to fight. You can do this Blair," his voice was low, but still forcefully "You want to live."

"Say's who?" she questioned her eyes directed towards the floor.

"I know you do," he answered with a smirk. "Otherwise you wouldn't have had the surgery in the first place. You made it so far. If you don't have chemo everything you've been through up and till now would have been for nothing. If dying would've been what you wanted, you could have done it keeping both of your breasts, just as well."

Their eyes met after he had finished and he felt the insatiable urge to kiss her. To pull her close and give her a reason to fight. Show her that _he_ wanted her to live. Show her that she was attractive and beautiful. So beautiful it hurt him to be in her presences without being allowed to touch her. That he actually hated himself for the fact that she had to develop cancer for him to realize all of this.

"When did you have time to rehearse that little speech?", a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and it made his heart leap in joy.

"Chuck Bass doesn't rehearse," he told her with his signature grin. "I'm a natural."

This time she really smiled: "I'm sure you are."

**To be continued**

**AN:** Any good? Let me know!


	8. Signature Scarf

**Summary: **Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair.

But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:**Thank you so much, all of you who reviewed and put me on their alert/favorite list! It's so great to see that people actually like my story! I dearly hope that you will enjoy this chapter as well.

And special thanks to you Sam, without your encouragement that this chapter is fine as it is, I probably would've spent days rewriting.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything at all.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 8: Signature Scarf**

_Damn that motherchucker!_ Blair shifted uncomfortable in her seat. She couldn't believe that he had actually managed to talk her into agreeing to chemotherapy. Let alone that she had allowed him.

Right now she waited at her doctor's office for her second pre-treatment discussion. In her hands she held a info brochure. It structured pretty much like the one she had gotten before the surgery. Only this time it said "_Chemotherapy – What To Expect". _Creativity didn't seem to be the strong suite of the people who wrote those things.

Nervously she looked at her watch. She was very next in line. Her name would be called any second. If she wanted to escape it was now or never. Grabbing her stuff frantically she stood up. She didn't belong here. There had to be a different way.

"Sooner or later you will have to go in there." She turned around at the somehow familiar voice from behind her. "Might as well get it over with right now."

She immediately recognized the apparently constantly smiling, woman with the red head scarf.

"I wasn't-- I just--," she struggled with her words for a second before she put on a polite smile. "...I mean, hi, Hannah, right?"

"Hello Blair." The older woman remained in her seat, putting her magazine aside and patting onto the seating surface next to her. "Come here."

Not really knowing why, Blair sat down next to her. Wondering if she really had been too self absorbed that she hadn't even noticed Hannah during the half hour she'd been waiting here.

Hannah reached out for Blair's hand, holding it between her two own. The brunette didn't really know to feel awkward or stirred by the gesture.

"It ran out three times before I finally managed to step a foot in there."

"Oh... I wasn't leaving," Blair lied. "I just wanted to go to the powder room."

Hannah nodded, obviously not believing a single word. "Sure you did."

What was this woman? A psychoanalyst? She sighed. "Is the fear getting less?"

"Eventually," the woman nodded. "But it for sure never turns into a picnic... Why are you here by yourself?"

"You're here by yourself," Blair countered.

"I am an old hand, at this. But you as a first timer? You shouldn't be alone."

"I didn't want anyone with me," she admitted. "My friend and my husband... ex husband ... both offered but I figured I would have to do it on my own. It's just a last pre-treatment discussion anyway. My friend was here with me for the first one."

_Why am I telling her this?_ Blair couldn't help but wonder about her own talkativeness. She'd met the woman exactly once before. For all she knew, she could've been a reporter, trying to dig up some dirt about her divorce. The print media had turned upside down in order to find out the reason for their separation. Apparently "irreconcilable differences" wasn't a good head line.

"Just make sure to bring someone for the actual treatment," Hanna advised, not caring to explain any further why. But Blair could pretty much figure it out.

She nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Ms. Waldorf?" Blair looked up to the nurse. "The doctor is ready for you now."

Taking a deep breath, Blair realized that there was no backing out now. Encouraged by Hannah's "You'll do fine!" she stood up and walked into the examination room.

After a friendly greeting she was asked to lay down so the doctor could inspect the wound. In a by now familiar process the bandages were removed. She'd also gotten used to the sight. Not that she found it any more appealing. She had learned to exchange the bandage herself every day, with some help by Serena. Her friends were the only one who's seen her like this and she very much intended to keep it that way.

Especially when it came to Chuck. She had sworn to herself that he would never see that hideous body of hers. Ever.

"Everything looks perfectly fine," the doctor explained, causing Blair to roll her eyes. If that was perfectly fine she'd rather not be here when things got bad. "With the wound healing progressing as expected we can start you on chemo next week already."

_Yay me! _

Blair sat up and readjusted her blouse. "So soon?"

"The sooner, the better," the doctor sat down on her desk, gesturing for Blair to take a seat across from her. "Now I know we've talked about the chemo, how it will proceed and how it works, also the side effects, what you have to consider in your daily life... Is there anything you have questions about?"

Blair had to clear her throat, before being able to speak. "When will I start losing my hair?"

"That varies from person to person. But ... if I may offer my advise, you'd do well to cut your hair short before the chemo starts. The loss of hair is hard enough as it is, but with long hair like you have it, it's even more difficult."

Blair nodded. Of course, she'd asked but she couldn't help being set back into some kind of automatism. She just went on auto pilot. Not really letting the actual importance of the just heard in. She kept this up while the doctor explained more about side effects and how she would have to start planning her life around chemo. She listened to her, nodded at the right spots, memorized the basics of what she said, but didn't allow herself the slightest emotion over anything the other woman had said. Once again she refused to think about any of it to much before she not absolutely had to.

---

"What do you think you're doing here?!"

Chuck couldn't help but jerk when she suddenly appeared behind him, sounding pretty pissed.

"And people tell me to wear a bell," he mumbled.

"Are you monitoring me yourself now?" she asked, looking furious. "What is it? Mike's day off?"

"What are you even talking about woman?"

"You just couldn't let me do this myself, could you?" She poked her finger into his chest in a rather aching manner. "Couldn't let poor, sick Blair do anything on her own? Is Serena here, too? Maybe hiding behind some plants?"

With every word she sank her manicured nail into his chest once again. He was worried that she'd done some serious damage when he finally got a grip of her wrist.

"Would you _stop_ that!" He managed to catch her free hand just in time before she could punch him in the rips with it. "I know you can be full of yourself, but I'm not here for you! I didn't even know your appointment was at this hospital!"

"Cut the crap, Bass!", she freed herself out of his grip. "Why else would you be in a women's hospital? Grown a vagina all the sudden?"

"Now that would not just be a tragic scenario for me, would it?" He just smirked at the angry gaze she threw him. "I'm here to see the newborn Archibald. The _Baby Dior_ bag might tip you off? That onesie certainly isn't my new spying outfit."

"Oh."

"Exactly." He could enjoy his triumph over abashing her not for so long when he noticed the strange look that suddenly appeared on her face. "Hey, you okay?"

"It's just-- Serena told me the other day that Jenny was having her baby," she paused for a second, looking towards the ground. "And I haven't spared as much as thought on it ever since then. Talk about self-seeking."

With a finger under her chin he lifted her head so that she had to face him: "You have every right to be self-seeking. In fact it's even necessary."

"You think I could sign on your card?" she asked a hesitant smile later.

"You could accompany me," he suggested.

All of her insecurities had reached their highest level within a second. She started to fidget around, clasping her hands together anxiously. But the thing that surprised him the most was that she actually started to stumble in her speech.

"They don't... I don't know... What if... I am..." She closed her stuttering with a whiny sigh.

He didn't think she'd actually noticed that she had been gesturing to her chest while trying to speak. He understood what she wanted to say. Nate and Jenny didn't know about the cancer or the mastectomy, never mind the upcoming chemo. He knew that Blair was afraid that somebody would notice her body looking different, even despite the fact she was wearing a prostheses.

"If you don't want to tell them you don't have to," he said softly. "You look just as perfect as always. They won't notice a thing."

"I hate that you know me so well," she said rolling her eyes, in the best effort to cover up her embarrassment.

"So, what do you say?" he asked.

"Don't they think I'm in Europe?" she interjected.

"We'll tell them you came back early," he provided, offering his arm to her.

Among a dramatic sigh she linked her arm with his and they walked towards the elevators.

---

Arrived in front of the right room door they both stopped for a moment.

"Last chance, if you wanna chicken out," Chuck offered.

But Blair shook her head, going into full on Queen Bee mode. She straightened her back and lifted her chin. A fake smile plastered on her face.

"Relax. You'll do just fine."

She was certain that he didn't have the slightest idea what it did to her as he slipped his hand to the small of her back. Let alone how that made her feel.

_He's just trying to calm you down_, she reminded herself, nonetheless unable to ignore the tingles running up and down her spine. Though she knew anything else would've been nonsense. There was no way he could find anything attractive about her now.

"Shall we?" he asked, ready to knock.

She just bowed her head and walked behind him after they'd been called in. Nate's jaw dropped when he saw them coming in together.

"Chuck _and Blair?_" the expression on his face was simply priceless.

"Close your mouth, Nathaniel. You'll catch a fly," Chuck said as he ushered Blair past Nate towards Jenny who sat on the bed, a little pink bundle in her arms.

Jenny certainly was just as surprised as her husband, although she did a whole lot better hiding it.

"It's so great to see you guys," she said with a smile. Everyone of them could hear the unspoken "... together."

"It's great to see you too, Jenny," Blair sat down on the bed next to her friend and leaned over so she could get a better look of the baby. "And now who is this little princess?"

"Meet Victoria Anne Archibald. Six pounds and three ounces," Jenny said proudly holding up the newborn who looked around curiously out of her bright blue eyes.

"She's gorgeous," Blair declared unable to break her eyes away from the baby.

"Which means she doesn't take after you," Chuck mumbled towards his best friend, earning a glare in return.

"You wanna hold her?" Jenny offered to Blair.

The brunette hesitated for a second. Her experience with infants was pretty much non existent. Jenny and Nate were the first couple in her closer circle of friends to have a baby.

"Come on, Blair," Nate said. "She won't bite."

Halting Blair held out her arms so the fledgling mother could place Victoria in them. To say it felt amazing holding this tiny life would've been an understatement. The baby looked up at her out of a perfect mixture of her parents eyes. To see Nate and Jenny combined in this whole new person seemed like an unbelievable miracle.

"She suits you," Chuck said with a smirk.

"Are you saying my daughter is just an accessory," Nate asked pointed.

"I'd never dare," Chuck answered, only half serious.

Being here Blair felt herself relaxing for the first time. Being here was familiar and refreshing. Like one happy couple with another happy couple. None of the drama. None of the frustrations. None of the life/death decisions she had to arrive at.

"Hey, why don't we leave the women alone gossiping for a while," Nate suggested. "We could go outside and smoke these Cuban cigars my Dad gave me."

Even through the baby bubble she found herself in, Blair noticed the questioning look her ex-husband gave her.

_Are you gonna be okay?_ his eyes asked.

_I'm gonna be fine, _hers answered. _Go, smoke up!_

"Sure, Nathaniel," Chuck agreed finally, stepping out of the room.

Almost the second the door closed behind her father Victoria started grouching in Blair's arms.

The brunette gave Jenny a helpless look, who just smiled in return.

"Just dandle her a bit," Jenny suggested. "She'll calm down in a minute. It's like she has a GPS for her father. The minute she see him he leave the room, she get's grumpy. I could probably leave for a whole day and she wouldn't even notice, despite that she would be really hungry."

"Nate Archibald always had a special way with women," Blair laughed, although the baby still struggled in her arms.

"He sure has," she sighed.

Blair surrendered when the little girl started a full on screaming and crying aria and handed her back to Jenny. The baby quieted down almost immediately.

"Don't take it personal," Jenny laughed. "I think she's just hungry."

Jenny's next action caught Blair off guard. Before she could do as much as react, Jenny had opened her nursing bra and adjusted her daughters mouth around her nipple. The baby started to suckle eagerly.

It was no news to Blair that young mothers seemed to loose all their natural sense of shame when it came to breastfeeding. They popped there boobs out everywhere. Let it be in private or in public. In cafes, in the park, at dinner invitations. You name it, Blair had seen it all. And it had never really bothered her.

Up and till now.

Watching Jenny smiling happily as she nursed her baby, it felt like a slap in the face.

Being here with her friends had actually made her forget about her disease. And holding this tiny little girl she'd actually felt happy for the first time in quite a while.

But now reality had caught up with her. She felt her throat closing up and her mouth running dry. What scared her most though was the elusive hate she felt towards Jenny. Good reason told her that she shouldn't be mad at her friend. It wasn't her fault she'd developed cancer. She hadn't even told Jenny anything about it.

She knew all this. But seeing Jenny's perfect, full breast, Blair felt a strong urge to yell at her friend.

"Blair?" Her sudden change of attitude of course hadn't slipped Jenny's attention. "Is everything all right? You've gone awfully pale. Are you not feeling well?"

Hearing the blonde's voice reminded Blair to keep herself together. If she didn't want anybody to find out, she couldn't act suspiciously.

"No. Everything's just fine," she lied, sure that she would throw up if she was had to watch this scenery only a minute longer. "I just totally forgot that I have an appointment. I've got to hurry if I still want to make it on time."

She could feel Jenny's skeptical eyes on her as she gathered her coat and handbag. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course," she answered rushing towards the door. "I'll call you, okay?"

She basically fled the room, darting through the hospital hallways. She didn't even bother waiting for the elevator, but took the stairs instead. Certain, that she would choke if she didn't get out of here immediately.

Almost by the main exit she felt a hand grabbing her wrist. Startled she looked into Chuck's worried eyes.

"What's wrong, Blair?"

Nate stood beside him looking even more confused than usual, but equally worried.

"I have to go," she answered, her voice almost at the breaking point. "I forgot something. I have to go."

"Okay," Chuck answered more calmly then he really was. "Let's go. I'll bring you."

She freed herself of his hand in a vigorous motion. "No. You don't need to come."

"Don't talk nonsense Blair," he countered following after her.

"I wanna be alone!" she yelled right into his face this time, causing a few people to stare at the two of them.

Hasting out of the door she left a dazzled Chuck Bass behind her. She didn't mean to be that harsh to him. But she couldn't make herself vulnerable in front of him again. She just couldn't.

Out on the street she was thankful for the rain pouring down on her as she walked. This way no one would notice the tears streaming down her face.

---

He didn't take him long to find her. His heart dropped to his stomach as he spotted her soaked figure, sitting on the steps of the Met.

Her steps.

Wordlessly he sat down next to her, holding his umbrella over both of them.

"How did you know I was here?" she asked not lifting her gaze of the ground.

"Those are _your_ steps," he replied staring at the same spot as she did. "Here you still can feel like yourself. Like the queen you are."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," she said rueful. "I just had to get out of there."

"What happened?" Chuck wanted to know.

"Jenny nursed Victoria." Her voice was so low he had trouble understanding her.

He felt like such an idiot. He should've seen something like that coming. How could he drag Blair along to Jenny when she was so insecure about her own feminity ? Jenny, who was not only a few years younger than her, but basically sparkled with fertility and womanliness at the moment.

"I'm so sorry, Blair," he began.

"It feels like I'm drowning. I can't breathe and I can't do anything about it," she admitted, new tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm here," he told her. "I won't let you drown."

"Why?" The monotonous tone had returned to her voice.

"I told you. I wanna be here for you."

"Why now?" She brushed away a single tear that run over her cheek. "Not to long ago you told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face."

"You didn't need me back then like you do now."

"Classifies as nothing more than pity in my eyes."

Chuck had to fight down the urge to grab her shoulders and shake her until all of her false pride would fall right out off her.

"Get over yourself," he said instead, his tone clearly commanding and impatient. "I don't pity you, I care about you!"

Her eyes screamed _"Why now?" _again but he wouldn't allow her to ask it out loud. Because he didn't know the answer to that one himself. He was so convinced that their love was over. That he didn't give a damn about her anymore. Man, had he been an idiot.

"And that's why I'll get you into the dry now," he stood up and stretched out his hand towards her. "Come on, let's go. You'll catch your death out here."

She glared up at him.

"Even for you, that was bad pun, Bass," she said and took his hand.

"Let me give you a ride," he suggested, gesturing towards his limo.

She shook her head, "Not necessary."

"I can't let you take a cab, can I?"

"Apparently you forgot that I got my own limo out of divorcing you."

He shrugged her words off with a wave of his hand and opened the door for her. "It's not a real limo if it's not stretched."

"That's what I told your lawyer," she replied perky and climbed in without further discussion.

He got seated next to her, instructing his driver to drop them off at her place.

"So, what did the doctor say?" he asked his expression rather worried.

Her mimic turned disappointed, for a split second. Could it be about him ending their implied flirting so abruptly in order to bring back the cancer topic? Had it even been flirting? Or better yet, should they even be flirting? They had never talked about what had happened in the Palace suite more than a week ago. Before they took any further steps into rebounding they maybe should come clear with everything that had happened.

She seemed so vulnerable, too. Her mood changed faster than he could manage to adjust to it. Even suggesting as much as that she was vulnerable could provoke her next blaze of anger.

Sighing she pulled a stack of info brochures out of her handbag and handed them over to him.

"She said I'd be able to start chemo next week. The wound healing is making good progress so there's no reason to wait any longer."

Acknowledging what she said with a nod, he didn't look up from browsing through the brochures. He opened one that titled _"Coping with side effects"_. He frowned as his eyes wandered over the listing of what chemotherapy could cause.

"This reads like the symptoms of a very own disease," he spoke his thoughts. "Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hair loss, fatigue, anemia, increase danger of infection, mouth sores, risk of infertility--"

He stopped in his tracks, meeting her eyes almost shyly. She could only hold his gaze for a second before she looked down. He knew that they both were thinking about the exact same incident almost exactly eighteen months ago.

"_Where the hell have you been?"_

"_Out."_

"_Out? That's it?"_

"_Yes. If that's not enough, just ask your PI, as usual."_

"_I will, don't you worry.... My, you look horrible, Blair."_

"_Gee, you really know how to flatter a woman."_

"_Are you okay?"_

"_I will be. I just need to rest."_

"_Do that. And listen, about this morning... My reaction was inappropriate. I guess I'll just need time to adjust."_

"_No need to bother."_

"_What that's supposed to mean? You're pregnant."_

"_No I'm not."_

"_What?"_

"_Not anymore."_

"_Did you ... lose it?"_

"_No."_

"_So you..."_

"_Yes."_

"_Without even talking to me about it?"_

"_It wasn't your decision to make."_

"_It was my child!"_

"_A cluster of cells, Chuck. Not a child."_

"_Selfish bitch!"_

"_Look at us Chuck! We're barley able to keep up a civil conversation! We could never be parents."_

"_You don't know that."_

"_We would've messed this kid up worse than our parents did with us."_

"_Maybe it would've been our chance to start over."_

"_Do we even want to start over?"_

"_Thanks to you, now we'll never know."_

"_Don't act like this was a walk in the park for me. No matter if I wanted it or not it was still a fucking abortion."_

"_Your body, your decision. Your burden – not mine."_

"Strange, isn't it" she said into the silence both of them had remained in for a while. "Up and till now I never wanted kids, and now it may be to late."

"Do you want kids now?" he asked calmly and didn't really know why. He didn't want to have that conversation with her. What would he do with her answer? What if she answered yes?

"I don't know", she answered honestly. "I just know that I hate it when people tell me I can't do something."

He couldn't help but laugh at that and leaned back into the leather seats. "You sure do."

"Can you do me a favor, Chuck?"

He responded in a slight nod, wondering what she was up to now. Knowing he simply was unable to deny her anything, always had been. "What can I do for you?"

Her face had an odd expression as she answered. A mixture of scared and decided. "Accompany me to my hair salon."

---

She was amazed by herself how calm she remained, sitting in the hairdressers chair waiting. Maybe it was the fact that she was in control again. She wouldn't sit around and let chemo cause her hair to get thinner and eventually shed it. She would decide.

"You're absolutely sure about this?" Chuck had a doubtful expression on his face. With a little bit of worry.

She studied herself in the mirror for a moment, dark curls framing her face. As long as she could remember she had had long hair. She was so used to it.

_Used to it?_

She'd been dating Nate in high school because she had been used to it. She'd stayed in an unhappy marriage with Chuck because she had been used to it. Maybe a change of habits wouldn't be the worst.

"Yes, I'm sure," she replied in a even for herself surprisingly firm voice.

"Alright." Her personal hair stylist Kate stepped up from behind her. "I'm all ready for you now Mrs. Bass."

She met Chuck's eyes through the mirror awkwardly. "It's Waldorf, actually. Ms. Waldorf."

"Sorry, my mistake."

Blair did absolutely not approve of the curious glances Kate gave her and Chuck. This salon was worse than gossip girl had been in high school ._Even if I'd fuck him right here on your counter, it would be none of you god damn business._

"Listen," Chuck had started talking before she could to as much as form the words in her head. "If we find anything of our being here on the society news tomorrow, we'll know who to sue. Are we understood?"

"Of course, Mr. Bass. Confidentiality is our golden rule," the woman was obviously intimidated by the powerful couple. "So what can I do for you today? Cut the ends, shampoo and set as usual?" The hair stylist readjusted the cape that lay around Blair's neck anxiously.

"I want you to shave my head." She forced herself to not put the slightest bit of emotion in her voice, like all of this was just some kind of business deal.

Kate on the other hand couldn't even keep her emotions out of her mimic. Terrified was probably the best way to describe her expression, but didn't even come close. "Are you kidding?"

"No, I am not. I want you to shave my head," she repeated.

"But why would you do that? You have such gorgeous hair Ms. Waldorf."

"I also have gorgeous cancer!" Blair's look was as sharp as her voice. "Now will you do this or do I have to pull a Britney fucking Spears and do it myself?"

The hair stylist gulped visibly, before reaching for the electric razor. She threw Blair a last consulting look as she set the her instrument in place at her hairline. After a reaffirming nod, she closed her eyes and the buzzing started.

She felt strands of hair fall over her face towards the floor. With every strand that fell she could feel herself relaxing a bit more, because she had regained control once again. All of what happened here was because she'd commanded it. It wasn't the side effect of some dreadful medication. It had been her decision to go bald. She'd decided - not the cancer.

The buzzing stopped and she opened her eyes, staring into a entirely strange reflection in the mirror. So there it was. The moment she'd feared since the doctor had announced she would need chemo. And it certainly came up to it's expectations.

She looked up to Chuck when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"I want you to do me, too," he said directed towards Kate, his eyes dead serious.

Blair shook her head vigorous, putting her hand over his. A electrified feeling went through her, when her skin touched his. She told herself that it was just the greatfullness she felt because of what he'd just offered to do for.

"Cut the solidarity crap, Bass," she said with a small smile.

"But I want--"

She wouldn't let him finish. "With your cheek bones and your chin you could never pull off a clean head. And we both know you can't bear it, whenever I look better than you. Even bald. "

He sighed and managed vague smile, never taking his eyes off her. She'd always loved his eyes. She wanted to drown in them, right this second. They made her forget about all of the ugly stuff around her, like that she had just gotten her head shaved or had cancer in the first place.

"Are you okay?" he wanted to know.

She took a breath before studying her image once again, frowning. "Just worried about being fashionable. I don't have a cap or anything."

"I think I can remedy that", a mysterious look came up on his face. "Wait here just a second."

Before she could even think about an answer he'd dissapeared outside. She sincerely hoped that he wouldn't pull some cheap synthetic wig, owned by one of his former bimbos, out of the trunk. When he came back inside he was clearly hiding something behind his back, a sassy smirk on his lips.

"Close your eyes," he ordered and twirled her around on the chair so her back was facing him.

"Your pants better still be on when I open them," she mumbled, following his orders grundingly.

The next thing she felt was a cool silken material touching the skin on her forehead and scalp. When he fiddled around apparently making a knot his fingers grazed ever so lightly over the nape of her neck. She felt her whole body electrified. Not knowing if he did it on purpose, she couldn't help but think how much she'd missed those fingers. Wishing privily that those fingers would touch more than just her nape.

"Okay, open your eyes," his hands grazed along the sides of her neck, resting on her clothed shoulders.

She firmly pressed her lips together, unwilling to show how frustrated she was with the loss of skin contact. She had to take a deep breathe before she actually could obey and open her eyes. The checkered , silken fabric she recognized instantly.

"Your scarf." Amazed she let on hand run over her silk covered head and played with the longer piece that ran from the knot in her nape over her shoulder.

"I thought it could be your signature scarf now," he outlined, a hint of insecurity playing on his features. "Do you like it?"

Afraid her voice would break by the affection she felt for him, Blair just nodded and smiled.

She loved it.

She loved him.

**To be continued**

**AN: **So? What did you think? Any favorite parts? Something you hated? Please let me know! Feedback is loved!

Oh, and please don't kill me because of the flashback. I've always been pro-choice. I'm afraid nothings gonna change that! ;)


	9. Third BaseIsh

**Summary:** Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN: **Words can't even express how much I adore you guys! 34 reviews for the last chapter! I'm really happy that all of you seem to like my story! Therefore I also have to apologize for making you wait that long for the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it.

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes. This chapter hasn't been betaed!

To Sam: If you read this, I tried sending you the chapter several times, is your e-mail adress still correct? Let me know, please!

Special thanks, this time to Sandra! Who helped me getting over my writers block, by majorly kicking my ass! _Vielen, vielen__ Dank!_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything!

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 9: Third Base-Ish**

_Would you like to come upstairs?_

Oh man, what had she been thinking. Coming into their old apartment with Chuck was a really, really bad trip down memory lane. It was the classical Upper East Side High Society Apartment for a couple with double income and no kids. Every newlyweds dream in Manhattan. Dark hard wood floors, big windows, high ceilings.

A dream place to raise a family, the realtor had said. But instead of lullaby's sounding through the halls, all Blair could remember was her and Chuck screaming at each other. Yes, sure they had had good times in here too, but outside of the bedroom those had been very less, those past couple of years.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Chuck didn't seem nearly as uncomfortable as she.

She just shook her head no before sitting down on the dark leather couch. All this was so surreal. This had been her home for the last ten years and suddenly she had to act like a guest in it. She couldn't just go to the fridge and get herself a bottle of water if she felt like it. Would she have to ask him for using the bathroom as well?

"Are you sure your okay?"

For a moment she felt relieved. Because apparently he had noticed her level of indisposition being back here. But then she realized his eyes switching nervously between hers and her scarf clutched skull.

My, over all her unease of being back here she had almost forgotten that she had just gotten her head shaved thirty five minutes ago.

In a realizing motion she moved her hand over her head, "Maybe I'm starting to think if I was a little to hasty. I'm not even starting chemo until the end of next week..." a minute later her thoughtful mood was replaced with the - to her ex-husband - all to familiar bitchy mood. "Thanks a lot for keeping me from making any rash decisions, Bass. Great call, really!"

Even though he rolled his eyes, she thought that there was a hint of smirk playing with the corners of his mouth. Of course, she thought, even she preferred old bitch Blair to this very new depressed model.

"You know, your hairdresser really knew why she made you sign that piece of paper saying that this was your wish. And making you confirm that you were in your right mind."

"Yeah, well maybe I wasn't... It was a rush of adrenaline! I mean look at me! What person in her right mind agree to this?" she was getting a tad hysterical. "What the hell was I thinking? I have a brunch, discussing the 'Feed The Children' charity the day after tomorrow! Should I go like this? With the scarf my ex-husband used to wear in highschool wrapped around my head? Talk about pathetic."

While she had jumped up of the couch, pacing around in the living room ranting like a crazy person, he just remained in his seat across from her. Upper body slightly leaned forward and hands interwinded between his legs.

"No one even knows about this, yet! God, what was I thinking, doing this when I was in a such vulnerable state of mind... no wait a second... What were you thinking letting me do this?"

She stopped for a second studying her reflection in the glass of the antique mirror.

"Pitiful," she muttered.

At that he stood up, walking towards her in purposeful steps. He stopped right behind her, looking at their both reflection in the glass.

Her shoulders tensed immediately when she could see his hands working their way up to her forehead, starting to pull the scarf off. Her left hand skimmed across his trying to keep it from moving any further backwards.

A quiet "No!" came from her lips but he, being stronger, shook her hand away easily and pulling the cloth of her completely.

Her eyes closed the moment she felt the last touch of silk leaving her head.

His hands lay firm on her slim hips now, stopping her from moving away and she could feel the warm breath of him on her cheek. It seemed like a déjà vu. The smell of their apartment in filling her nostrils combined with the familiarity of his touch. His warm body standing so close behind her, his hands firm and yet supporting on her body.

"Open your eyes, Blair."

If it was the warmth in his words or just the familiar feeling, she didn't know, but right then she didn't fight the urge to let herself sink back against his chest anymore.

Still she kept her eyes closed, shaking her head slightly.

"Let me show you how beautiful you are."

"But I'm just not." It was barley a whisper.

"Yes you are." Those words he breathed into her ear sending shivers up and down her spine.

A gasp escaped her lips as she felt his hands moving from her hips further down onto her thighs. His fingers slowly moving up the skirt of her dress. She knew that she should've stopped this. That this was just another way to complicated things between them even more. But she didn't want it to stop.

It felt to good feeling his finger tips exploring the insight of her thighs while his other arm had gone around her abdomen. If it was to support her or keeping her from running away, she didn't know or care. Being back in Chuck's arms was all that mattered.

His passed the last barrier of her panties fast and Blair couldn't help but wonder if he had know how much she had wanted this to happen all day long, ever since their hands had touched briefly in the hospital. If he had longed the same way.

Her mouth opened for a mute shriek when he reached her throbbing sex. Pinching it just slightly. As he moved away, further down she almost let out a cry for the loss of contact, but just then he entered her with one finger. Quickly adding another only a second later.

When he started thrusting, her hips jerked forward wanting to feel more of him inside of her, deeper inside of her.

As his thrust grew faster and harder she could feel herself coming closer to the edge each second and when his thumb started to circle her clit again she was gone. Helplessly convulsing around his fingers as he breathed the words "Now open your eyes!" into her ear.

In her ecstatic state of mind she couldn't do much but comply. Practically jerking her eyes open she saw her reflection. Hers and Chuck's reflection.

Her lips parted an inch.

Her eyes dark with lust.

The cheeks slightly flushed.

His arm around her waist holding her in place.

The other hand still buried deep between her legs.

The dress pushed up above her hips

His eyes also glazing with desire.

And right then she thought that this was the most erotic way she had ever seen herself in. Bald or not... she couldn't cared less if she tried at this moment. He was right. She was beautiful.

"Thank you," she whispered, breaking the silence in the room, where only her heavy breathing had been heard a moment before.

He pressed a light kiss onto her cheek before answering, "Your welcome, Waldorf."

Even though, she was positive that she could stay like this forever, she was the first one to break their embrace, straightening herself up and making half a step forward.

Surprisingly there was no real awkwardness. Looking up at his reflection in the mirror, while she fixed her dress, she could see him behind her with a little smile on his lips, while he cleaned his fingers on his handkerchief. After he was finished and had pocketed the cloth, she didn't even have to say a word for him to adjust the scarf around her head again.

When he was finished she turned around, catching his eyes almost shyly.

"You think, Arthur would mind giving me a lift home?"

"You know, you don't--" he started but was interrupted by her quickly.

But she interrupted him immediately, decided but with a smile nonetheless, "Yes I do."

After a second of thinking he agreed with a nod, kissing her forehead. "Let me get your coat."

---

_If I fall asleep now, I get three hours of sleep._

Oh, who was he kidding. Sleep was out of the questions. For hours he'd been turning in bed. Thinking. About her. Blair Waldorf had made her way back into his mind and there was no way of getting her out.

Was what had happened today a mistake? Had he opened Pandora's box? There was so much unsaid between them.

Every time he thought that he finally had her banned from his life she came back like a force of nature.

Studying the ceiling he thought about how many nights they had spend in this bed together. It had always felt good. And he wasn't even thinking about the love making. All those nights together knowing that there was someone. Someone who shared your fears, hopes and dreams. For nothing in the world he would ever wanna exchange those nights.

It had been in this bed where he had asked her to marry him. Ten years, four months and eleven days ago. Spontaneous. They had been lying there in their post-orgasmic bliss and somehow the question had just spilled from his lips. Actually it was more of a command then a question.

"Marry me!"

For a brief second after he had asked he'd been afraid that she would beat him unconscious with her tiny fist, for not proposing properly or even having a ring.

But she had just leaned up on an elbow, smiled and kissed him. And then she'd said yes. Just like that.

Never in all those years he had ever regretted marrying her. Even if he would know about all the hurt, fighting and cheating in advance, he would marry her again in a heartbeat.

_"Are you awake?"  
"Now I am. What?"  
"I want a divorce."  
"Is it that time in the month already?"  
"I'm serious."  
"No you're not. You never are. You think your serious, until you think about how much classier it is for a married woman to throw a dinner party instead  
of being a divorcee in your thirties."  
"I can't go on living like this."  
"Living like what? In wealth? Spending my money while I work ninety hours a week, paying for your crystal glasses and spa weekends?"  
"Living this farce of a marriage! If you worry about your money you should have just said so. Unlike you I have a college degree and I could support myself without your money just fine. "  
"Is there something you wanted actually say or is this just another episode of 'I want a divorce... uhm, on second thought - No I don 't.' ? "  
" I don't wanna be unhappy anymore. And I still care you enough to not wanting to see you unhappy."  
"Are you crying?"  
"Shut up."  
"My, my. Don't tell me the heart of the ice queen is melting."  
"Spare me you're sarcasm! Who do you think made me cynical bitter woman I am today?"  
"You think this makes me happy?"  
"No, but that' s exactly what I m talking about ... God, do you remember how much in love we were?"  
"Maybe we would have been happier if we hadn't been so much in love."  
"Maybe."_

They had both started at the ceiling for what seemed like forever.

"_It s really over, isn' t it, Blair? "  
"It is." _

When she fell asleep he had wrapped his arm around her. Knowing that this would probably be the last night they shared together in this bed. Sadly the idea of it didn 't hurt as much as it should.

_---_

Blair studied her image in the mirror intensely. Searching if the old Blair Waldorf was still somewhere in there. The reflection showed her the same curvy lips, the same deep brown eyes, maybe with a few more worry lines than there used to be. Yet something was different. Maybe it really just was the obvious lack of hair that changed her face, although Blair thought there still was something else.

Looking at her bald self was still awkward to her on so many levels. It depended very much on her daily mood, but sometimes she wanted to cover up all the mirrors around her apartment, so she wouldn't have to look at her damaged self. And that not just since yesterday, but ever since the surgery.

Her make-up, though, was more perfect these days than it ever had been. It was something she had read in the info brochures from her doctors office. Make-up was one way to deal with the growing feeling of not being feminine. She had of course chosen colors that were softly matching her head scarf.

Chuck's scarf.

She couldn't help but the corners of her mouth softly going up at that thought. Who knew Chuck Bass still had it in him? She most certainly had forgotten it. And maybe he had as well.

"Blair? Are you up there?" Serena's voice sounded from downstairs. "Are you ready to go?"

Sighing Blair straightened her shoulders. Ready? Never really.

"Could you maybe come up here for a second, S?" she called back. "I need your help with something."

Blair took a deep breathe as she heard agile footsteps coming up the stairs. Her best friend hadn't seen her bald yet. And she didn't have much of a choice to prepare her for the sight. The yesterday had gone by in such a rush, that all she had done after Chuck had brought her home, was fall in to bed exhausted.

When Serena appeared in the door frame, Blair could feel herself holding her breathe, waiting for a reaction.

She sincerely hoped her friend wouldn't burst into tears, like the first time she'd seen her chest, post-surgery. If her best friend would start crying she wouldn't be able to stop herself and she refused to leave the house with her eyes all red and puffy.

She could see that the blonde was clearly surprised, if not shocked to see her like this. She'd stopped in her tracks and was clutching the door knob so tightly her knuckles were turning white.

A visible deep inhale later her face relaxed, showing an almost playful expression.

"Bold choice in hair do, B."

Blair felt herself relaxing as well, "Bold? Seriously, when did pun become funny again? Did I miss something?"

Serena just laughed stepping towards her friend, stopping behind her sitting figure in front of the mirror.

"What do you need my help with?"

Blair opened the upper drawer of her vanity, pulling out her favorite new cloth.

"I need help with my head covering. I could probably do it myself, but it just takes me forever," she explained, pretending not to notice her friends stunned face as she handed her the cloth.

Serena run the silken scarf through her hands, her blue eyes piercing into her friend's brown, "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes. Chuck gave it to me," Blair tried her best to keep her tone as nonchalant as possible. "Yesterday, when we were at my hair studio."

"Woh!", Serena's eyes widened. "You were there with him?"

The other woman just shrugged, "Yeah, right after we visited Jenny in the hospital."

Blair choose to better not tell her friend about the minor meltdown she had between those two incidents. Serena would hear about it soon enough from Jenny or Nate.

"You went to see Jenny and the baby. _Together_?"

"It's not against the law, now is it?" Blair didn't know why she had the feeling of being busted, but she couldn't seem to shake it off.

"Depends... did you ever file that restraining order?"

"Were are you going with this, S?" Blair asked slightly annoyed. "You are the one who set that ball rolling! What did you expect to happen when you went to him and told him everything?"

"Well, certainly not that the both of you would go back to playing the happy married couple," Serena said.

"We're not playing happy married couple!" she defended. "He's just being a good..."

She stopped in her tracks right there. What was Chuck? A good friend? God, knew it was way more than that and Serena knew it as well. What was he then? What were they?

The blond gave her a pointy questioning look, while she began to adjust the scarf around her friends head.

"He's a good... ex-husband?!" Blair offered uncertain.

"You better watch out for yourself, B," Serena advised as she frapped the scarf in a bow tie.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that you can't just jump ten years back in time and act like nothing bad ever happened between you guys. You were at each others throats. Literally."

"I'm not pretending anything because there is nothing going on between us. Nothing happened."

"Blair." Serena's look was strict, clearly not buying a word her friend said.

"Yeah okay, not much happened."

The blonde immediately pulled a chair up sitting vis-â-vi her friend. "Spill!"

Blair turned away uncomfortable, checking her make-up for the fifth time. "What should I tell you? Why would you even wanna know? Don't you and Humphrey get enough action?"

"Just tell me before I burst out of curiosity!"

Blair um and erred for a moment, before she started talking in a low voice, "Well something second... third base-ish. It was very intimate."

She could feel herself blushing, quickly scattering some more powder over her reddened cheeks.

"You still love him." It wasn't as much a question as a statement, coming Serena.

"I have other things on my mind right now," Blair returned.

"You didn't answer me."

"With your quick wit it's a shame you never made it to Brown," Blair stood up walking towards the door. "Come on. I have some wig shopping to do."

---

Chuck was sure he had his first minor stroke that moment. The glass in his hand dangerously shaking before he cut put it back to the table. Blair had just walked in – new blonde wig on – arms linked with Serena.

For a moment hoped she wouldn't see him, maybe if he hit behind a menu or the waiter would lead them to a table in the other end of the restaurant. But of course he, being Chuck Bass, didn't have such luck.

Both women spotted him almost immediately and apparently didn't even consider not sitting with him. At least that was what he could say for Serena, who seemed to practically dragging Blair along.

"Chuck!", the blonde bundle of energy had sat – herself and Blair – down, before he could do as much as greet them.

His ex-wife gave him a apologetic look, for intriduding as they did.

"Hey Chuck," she greeted him a smile on her lips.

He on the other hand was to stressed out with their sudden appereance to respond with more than a quick nod.

"So what do you think?" Serena wanted to know, gesturing to her friends new hair do. "Doesn't she look stunning?"

Chuck actually forced himself to take a deep breathe, before studying Blair who was nervously picking the edges of her wig nervously.

"Personally I prefer brunette, but aside from that you of course look as gorgeous as ever."

The former couple shared a smile across the table and for the first time Chuck had actually the feeling she believed him. But as harmonic as this scenery was, if he wanted to keep it this way he had to get both women out of here. Right now.

"Listen guys, I really don't wanna be rude or anything--," he started out.

"You're busy!" Blair concluded immediatley, moving her chair back to stand. "Of course! We'll leave you alone!"

If his ass hadn't been on the line the way it was, he maybe would have been assaulted because she couldn't get out of here fast enough.

Serena on the other hand seemed to smell his fear just like a dog. At the suspicious look on her face he honestly wouldn't have been surprised if her ears had cocked up.

"Business meeting, Chuck?" she asked, clearly enjoying to see him struggle like he did, not showing the slightest intention to leave any time soon.

He shot his sister a death glare, that basically screamed _Get her out of here!._ And even though Serena didn't react the slightest bit to it, Blair had already stood up and dragged her friend along.

"Oh dear, I leave for a second to powder my nose and you have already found yourself new girlfriends!"

There are moments, like right before a vase shatters on the tiled ground, or right before the own car crashes into another and you know something bad is going to happen but it's not in your power anymore to stop it.

And right then, when a tall blonde figure – Valerie - stepped to the table Chuck knew he was screwed. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Serena and Blair looking up. Recognizing. Blair's eyes slowly wandering back to him.

"What is she doing here?" Blair's voice was as sharp as a razor blade.

"I beg you pardon. Who are you?" The blonde had put a hand to her hip looking really belligerent.

"Blair, I can explain," Chuck started out.

"I'm such an idiot," she muttered, more to herself while gathering her handbag.

"Blair?" Valerie tuned herself in, now realizing who the woman, sitting in her spot, was. "Wow, really didn't recognize you there. What's with the wig? Started chemo already?"

"Shut it, Val!" Chuck almost yelled. He was desperate to explain all of this to Blair but he couldn't do it with Valerie right here.

"What? You told me yourself about the breast cancer tragedy. Last week when we were at you apartment," Valerie said with a sugar-sweet smile.

If she'd been a guy, Chuck would knocked her to the floor for sure. The woman might have not been the greatest light, but what she lacked in brains she made up in spitefullness.

"Last week, hm?" Blair had looked from her former rival back to Chuck, tears shimmering in her eyes.

The blonde just nodded with a triumphal smile on her face.

"I gotta get out of here." Blair jumped in such a haste for a moment Chuck thought her chair was gonna fall backwards to the ground.

She was halfway outside the door, Serena in tow, before he found the guts to walk after her.

They were already outside on the street when he caught up with the two women.

"Blair wait!" He'd enclosed her wrist in his hand, which she jerked off like a disgusting insect.

Serena already stepped between them, "Leave her alone."

Ignoring his step sister he passed her by getting a hold of both of Blair hands.

"This isn't what it looks like," he told her, desperate for her to listen to him.

Blair didn't even bother to look him in the eye. "Yeah, I think we had that conversation before."

"This isn't like before," he tried again.

"You're right. Two weeks ago I would've never let you take me by surprise like this. Because then I still knew that you are a lying, no good, cheating bastard! I should've known that the way I am now, I could never be enough for you. I was a fool thinking that after yesterday-- that it would be-- that we—"

Chuck saw she had to keep herself from crying and, damn, he could strangle himself for causing her that much pain. Once again.

"Don't contact me again," she said before disappearing into the waiting car.

**To be continued.**

**AN: **So, what did you guys think? Was it worth the wait?


	10. Excruciating Pleasure

**Summary:** Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN: **A big thank you to all of you out there who reviewed, put me on alert or their favorites list. It makes my day every single time! Hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Special thanks to Sandra, who's really starting to become my co-author on some level *kisses*, and Britt for beta-ing and making my jabbering readable and understandable!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 10: Excruciating Pleasure**

"I can't believe how stupid I was...", Blair whispered as she stared out of the window, watching the traffic passing by.

"I'm really sorry, B. I tried to warn you. He's still Chuck," the blonde said, putting an arm comfortingly around her friend.

Blair shook her head slightly, "He was so different those last days. I remembered why I fell in love with him in the first place."

"It's not like he was all that trustworthy back then," Serena pointed out.

"Don't act like you know him!" Blair snapped at her best friend.

"You're defending him," Serena stated dryly.

"I know. But I don't know why."

"No big mystery there," Serena returned. "You still love him."

"It's all your fault anyway," Blair griped. "We were finished with each other, until you walzed in and told him everything about the cancer!"

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Should've seen that coming, shouldn't I have?"

Both women fell silent for a while – letting the just happened event sink in.

"What do you think they were doing there?" Blair could feel all the different horror scenarios rushing to her brain. _That bitch _apparently knew about the cancer. So, they were probably sitting together making fun of how stupid she was to fall for Chuck again. Between having sex on the toilet of course.

"I don't know. But with Chuck I fear we have to assume the worst."

Blair swallowed her reply, because she realized, once more, she wanted to defend him.

---

"_Where have you been?"_

"_Out."_

"_All alone?"_

"_As the matter of fact, no."_

"_Do I know her?"_

"_Why? You want a threesome?"_

"_Who is she, Chuck?"_

"_A nice girl that isn't to stuck up to give proper head."_

"_You're disgusting."_

"_And that coming from the woman who once prided herself on giving the superlative blow job."_

"_Wonder what might have changed that... Perhaps the fact that you can't get it up without medication"_

"_If you wouldn't smell like vomit all the time from throwing up after every damn meal, maybe I'd still find you __attractive enough to get a boner!"_

"_Fuck you!"_

"_She's doing that very well for me, thank you very much."_

"_..."_

"_What? No bitchy response?"_

"_You're punishing me aren't you?"_

"_Don't be ridiculous. What for?"_

"_For terminating the pregnancy."_

"_So what if I am? It was my baby and you didn't even bother to do as much as consult me in your decision."_

"_It wasn't your decision."_

"_We keep going around in circles."_

"_Just make sure you're discrete with that bimbo."_

"_Of course, darling. Wouldn't want anyone to think we don't have the perfect Stepford marriage!"_

---

Chuck remained on the sidewalk looking like a drowned rat while watching the car drive away. Leave it to Chuck Bass to really fuck something up. Oh God, did Blair really believe he was here with his ex-mistress because he didn't find her attractive after the mastectomy? Nothing could have been further away from the truth.

"Well wasn't that a nice meet-and-greet," a sarcastic voice drawled from behind him.

He spotted Valerie who'd left the restaurant as well, smirking slightly as she walked up to him.

"Never in my life have I wanted to hit a woman the way I wanna hit you right now," his fists clenched as the words left his mouth.

"Oh show no restraint. Only making it easier for me to squeeze even more money out of you."

"You better fuck off now Val, or I'll make sure you regret it."

"Actually that is what I was hoping for," she smiled seductively and ran her fingers along his shirt collar.

"Maybe you wanna punish me the way you did last week?"

"After the show you pulled in there, you're lucky I'm not hiring a hit man."

She patted his cheek with a gleeful look, "You still have it bad for her, don't you?"

His jaw's clenched visibly as he slapped her hand away.

"It's too bad she'll never know what you just did for her. Poor Chuck - paid a half a million so I'll keep her and all the cancer tragedy out of the tabloid press, and still you come off as the bad guy."

"Just get lost."

"Always a pleasure doing business with you, darling," with those words she walked off, leaving Chuck behind, who for once in his life didn't knew what to do next.

---

"You sure this is all right?" Blair asked once again as she stepped into the apartment.

"I told you," Serena repeated like a mantra, "Dan's at work for at least three more hours, so we'll be by ourselves."

Blair let herself fall onto the couch with a sigh, adjusting her wig. "This thing itches. You would think that for eight hundred dollars, you'd get something a little bit more comfortable."

"So take it off," Serena suggested while setting two coffee mugs on the table.

"Beauty is pain. That goes for wigs as it goes for shoes. Besides, I wanna spare you the sight."

"It's just me, B. I've seen you in way worse states."

"Well, you did help me with the bandages every day," Blair replied, still fidgeting with the fake hair.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" The blonde sat down next to her friend.

"Whatever."

The noise of the opening elevator let Serena forget her reply. She and Blair both turned around. Chuck stepped into the room, looking – Blair couldn't think of another expression to describe him – devastated.

Before either, Chuck or Blair, could say a word Serena had already stepped towards him in a clearly aggressive way.

"What do you think you're doing here?"

He spoke emphatically to his step-sister, "Serena please stay out of this. It's none of your business."

"This is, however, my apartment. So if I tell you to leave, you better do so."

"You should think about who got your humble husband the job to pay for _your_ apartment," Chuck spat back.

"You better not be threatening me, Chuck Bass," her voice was completely calm, but in the way she raised her chin and looked at him challenging, Blair could see that she was ready to kill.

Blair plucked up the courage and stepped between them before it could actually come to physical violence.

"Serena, would you let me talk to Chuck alone for just one minute?"

When the blonde gave her the mandatory _Are you sure?_-eyes, Blair just nodded before turning to her ex-husband.

As soon as Serena was out of earshot or at least sight, Chuck got ready to talk, but she managed to stop him with a simple raise of her hand.

"This time you're gonna listen," she said, wondering to herself where the whiny girl from before had gone.

"But if you would just let me explain--"

"No," she interrupted him mid sentence. "I think it's time you let me explain."

His shoulder's slumped forward as he waited for her to start speaking again.

"I'm sure …," she realized her voice was back to being shaky so she cleared her throat. "I'm sure you have a perfect good explanation as to why you were there with _her_." The last word she practically spat . "And if I let you explain, I'd understand, I'd forgive you and we'd be back to … well whatever those last couple of days were."

Chuck didn't move a muscle, just waited patiently for her to go on.

"But the truth is Chuck, right now I just can't deal with all of the unfinished business between us. I can't have a fight with you every other day and fight the cancer at the same time. I can't have chemo if I have to worry about _her_ just showing up at your side like that."

"That's never going to happen again--," he tried once more to explain himself but she wouldn't let him.

"It doesn't matter. Somewhere a while ago I forgot how to trust you." She had to take a deep breathe before she could go on talking, "So please Chuck, if you want me to go on with the treatment, you've got to leave me alone... At least for now."

She looked to the floor, unable to meet his eyes. "And maybe in the future..." _If I have a future._

"I suppose there could be some excruciating pleasure about that," he replied - the words she had said so long ago - with a sad smile on his lips.

He kissed her forehead tenderly before turning around and leaving with the elevator.

As the door closed behind him, she let the tears she had been holding back freely run over her cheeks and a heart melting sob escaped her lips. Serena was at her side just a second later, wrapping her arms around her, holding her firmly, letting her best friends tears soak her sweater.

**To be continued**

**AN: **Reviews are as always really appreciated.


	11. Cancer Bitch

**Summary: **Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN: **No, I didn't forget about this story. Just got a little distracted... Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Big thanks to Britt for beta-ing and to Sandra for co-authoring me through it! Especially the part with Chuck wouldn't exist without you, hun!

**Disclaimer: **Nothing's changed since the last time I updated. I still don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 11: Cancer Bitch **

"Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I first got it when I was – what? - forty-three, I believe. So,

mastectomy, chemo, radiation … the whole gamut. Terrible, but it was actually successful at the time. Then,two years later, the same thing again, this time on the other side. So I was like 'Yeah sure, just cut the damn thing off! I just want some peace!' After that I actually was lucky for seven years, and now, two months ago,boom! Liver full of metastases. Of course inoperable. Now I'll need to have another eighteen rounds of chemo." Rose

"Terrible... just terrible. Each time a trip to hell and right back. I remember my first time. The nausea wasn't even the worst part. I had a neuropathy witch made me lose control of my legs. For the rest of the day I just laid on my couch, terribly sick, having headaches like crazy, hot flashes and unsure if I would rather live or die." Claire

"My Mum had breast cancer for the third time last year. Unfortunately she has metastases everywhere now. In her lungs, too. Right now she's in the hospital again because she can't breathe. When they fixed her left lung lope last week, we thought that the worst was behind us, but now the other side starts to fail. I'm pretty scared at the moment, because in the past few days she's suffered a lot. It's just cruel to see my mother vegetate like that." Sophia

"Lousy... to say the least. The first two days after the chemo were actually okay, but then I think my body realized what poison it had to handle there. I was so tired and emotionless. Not the slightest bit of positive energy. It's like I'm not myself anymore, and I'm really scared that this state of mind won't change go away." Jane.

Blair's mouth stood open after the monologues she had just heard from all of the women around her. Serena frowned. This was clearly not the kind of motivation talk she had had in mind when she suggested her best friend should talk to some fellow cancer patients by joining a support group.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't run out of here this very moment," Blair muttered towards Serena.

"Sorry I'm late group!" Blair wasn't even surprised to see the familiar red head scarf sitting down in the chair next to her – Hannah. The woman she'd met on several occasions during her treatment. "Little emergency at home. My husband thought he'd surprise me with his baking... Let's just say – surprised I was."

"Ugh," another woman – Rose? Blair couldn't really remember – sighed. "Don't you just hate it when they try to help you with house work, but really double the amount of mess?"

A few other people laughed and smiled knowingly.

"So, apparently you already started without me," Hannah gathered. "And I see we have a newbie with us. Blair – honey, why don't you introduce yourself to the group?"

Blair once again cursed her best friend for dragging her here. All of this had been okay when she was just a quiet listener, but now she was actually supposed to tell her story to those strangers? Encouragingly Serena, who sat next to her, nudged her, just earning a death stare from the - currently fake – redhead.

"Hi my name is Blair, and I had a mastectomy, almost four weeks ago. Today," she took a look at her watch, "in less than three hours actually, I'm supposed to receive my first round of chemotherapy... So I guess these are going be the last few moments before my life really turns out to be hell."

"Oh darling, don't talk like that!" Hannah said enthusiastically, making Blair wonder if the woman ever was in a bad mood. "Chemo is not your enemy, cancer is. And the chemo will be your ally in this war."

Blair just looked back at Hannah with skeptical raised eyebrows and an expression that said _Are you shitting me?_

Serena was the first to speak after the several moments of silence. "She's not that big a fan of pep talks."

"What pep talk," Blair burst out. "I've been sitting here for half an hour now, listening to all of the kinds of horrible things all of you have suffered through because of chemo and cancer. How in hell should that motivate me?"

"Oh, I see," Jane turned to Blair now. "So we're supposed to lie to you and tell you that chemo will be just a walk in the park? You think that'll make you feel better when you're kneeling in front of the toilet vomiting your guts out for several hours?"

"Well, the way you're talking surely isn't convincing me that I should do the chemo," Blair said.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Blair could tell that Jane just was getting warm for another attack. "We got a classic PM on our hands here!"

"PM," Serena wondered aloud.

"Oh you see," Rose continued for her friend, "when it comes to treating cancer women quickly divide into certain stereotypes. There's the IDB, translating 'I do, BUT...' Those are the chicks who keep telling how much they pull themselves together and want to fight, but then there's always a big 'but' why this and that won't work out."

"Rose...," Hannah warned, but the dunned one was just moving into gear.

"Further there is the IAA - 'I am afraid.' She's probably the toughest of all of us since she's openly admitting what unifies all of us. Cancer makes you lonely, weak and afraid."

"You didn't answer my question," Serena stepped in again. "What does PM mean?"

"Oh, that stands for 'Poor me'," Rose had turned to Blair again. "Because those are the words that you want to start every sentence with. Every try to cheer you up or motivate you is being beaten down with flying colors! It's all nice and comfy down in the dark well as long as someone is standing above, looking down to you from time to time. Throwing something pretty, and few nice words down here and there."

"Okay enough, ladies," Hannah cut in just as Jane wanted to speak up again. "You two have to stop slaughtering each other, we've all got cancer for that, remember?"

The remaining thirty minutes Blair just sat in her chair, arms crossed, not sharing anything with the group, but not really listening either. She had to keep a clear mind if she wanted to make it through this day.

As she and Serena walked out of the room, she was still caught up in her thoughts, not in the mood to talk, while her friend simply wouldn't shut up.

"... I think that woman leading the group made a really good point, you know..."

"Uh huh."

"She's absolutely right. Chemo isn't the enemy, the cancer is." Serena seemed so enthusiastic, and Blair wondered if she should just kick her right here.

"Sure."

"Are you even really listening to me Blair?"

"Absolutely."

"Blair!"

"Oh, try to whitewash it all you want," she grumbled, when they were waiting for the elevator doors to open. "You heard what that one woman said, 'One-way street to hell'."

"Negativity won't get you anywhere!"

"Just shut the fuck up," Blair burst out suddenly. "You're not the one who has to do it! Stop trying to talk about it, like you know what I'm going through. You don't know what it feels like to want to run a hand through your hair, but then realize, 'Whoops, almost forgot. I'm bald!' You don't know what it's like to look at your naked form in the mirror, having just one breast! You don't know shit! So keep your clever advice to yourself!"

That for once actually made Serena be quiet. Blair almost regretted her harsh words. The truth was she was altogether thankful that her best friend had agreed to come with her. But on the other hand, she was utterly terrified and a nervous wreck. So the two women continued the elevator drive wordlessly until the doors opened again on the chosen floor.

The word "ONCOLOGY" on the the destination board was first thing to catch Blair's eye. She hated the word. It sounded like pain, tears and premature death. Things she had planned to ignore until post menopause.

Checking in at the front desk, she felt hot and cold shivers running over her. A part of her hoped that she would faint, and wake up when she was already attached to the cytostatics. At least at that point she wouldn't be able to change her mind and run out anymore.

The inside of her mouth was dry as sandpaper when she told the nurse her name and purpose of her being there. The woman told her that she was already expected and asked her to follow her to the private room they had reserved for her. And as much as she knew that what she had to do now was take a step after the nurse, her feet seemed to disagree, as they kept her firmly in one place. It wasn't until she felt Serena's hand squeezing her own, _'I'm right by your side.' _and a desperately tight squeeze back _'Thank you.' _that she started to move.

The room they were led to was comfortable. Warm colors, nice furniture and not as hospital-like as the hall way. Even the disinfectant dispenser was covered by a nice maroon colored barrier. Having been married to the richest man in Manhattan even seemed to have its perks when you were ill with cancer.

"I'll let you get settled in," the nurse said, almost out of the room again. "Doctor Parker should be here any minute to attach you to the cytostatics."

The transparent bag hanging on the IV pole Blair had spotted the moment she'd walked into the. It contained bilious green fluid.

"Now look at that," she drawled while handing her coat to Serena and sitting down on the bed before gesturing to the infusion and the sign on it. "Skull and crossbones. How fitting for the doomed people lying in those beds."

"The only thing doomed here are your cancer cells," Dr. Parker said enthusiastically as she entered the room. After greeting Blair and Serena with a quick handshake she turned to the former. "You're ready to do this, Blair?"

"I'm guessing 'no', isn't the answer you want to hear," Blair replied dryly.

"It'd be an honest one, at least," the doctor replied.

Blair draped herself on the bed, fixed her skirt in a ladylike move and outstretched her arm. "Let's get this over with."

He stood in his office and starred out the window. It was almost one o'clock. Today Blair would get her first round of chemo and he couldn't be there. It killed him inside. Not even his revenge - a low one, even for him - on Val could cheer him up.

A knock on the door brought him back to reality.

"Mr. Bass, Mr. Smith here to see you." his assistant told him.

"Send him in," Chuck nodded and walked back to his desk. He'd been waiting for this all day.

"I have the information you wanted." Mike told him, putting an envelope down on the desk.

Impatiently Chuck ripped open the wrapping, letting the photographs inside scatter all over his desk. They showed Blair and Serena on their way to the hospital. In a strange way, he was a little disappointed to see her not wearing his scarf, but a – admittedly stunning – red long haired wig. The facial expressions on her and Serena were clearly tense, to say the least, but Blair being quite the lady as always, had made sure that her outward appearance was perfect. Actually, the more perfect her outfit was, the more messed up she was inside he could be sure of that.

"Anything else I should know?"

"She went to the hospital's chemo self-help group before the actual treatment. It seems that she didn't make the best first impression. I heard one of the woman telling about the newbies' bad behavior."

Chuck smirked. Blair Waldorf wasn't a chit-chat woman.

"That's not all," the PI continued in a strained voice, which made Chuck look up from the pictures. "She doesn't seem to be quite convinced that chemo is the way to go. The stories the other women told her about chemo seemed to scare her."

"Wait a minute? They are sitting there, pitying each other for the side-effects the chemo brings on them?"

"That's what a self-help group is for, Mr. Bass," Mike replied, matter-of-factly.

"I don't know what you have to do, but she won't see those women anymore. Make sure that she gets her private room for the treatment."

"Of course, sir. Good day."

As the man had left Chuck went through the photos another time before putting them back in the envelope. He walked over to his private safe, opening it by entering the code. He put the new item into the quickly growing folder he'd set up for Blair. In it every piece of medical document on Blair he'd managed to get his hands on could be found. Physician's letters, Mammography scans. Operative reports, Histological Results, etcetera. He even already knew what cytostatic she would get.

Having everything looked over by his personal doctor he also knew some kind of prognosis. Which, apparently wasn't good. She was a high-risk-case. Statistically every third to fifth woman with her diagnosis wouldn't be alive in ten years.

Trying to suppress that knowledge, he shut the safe door and got back to his desk. Work-related records were already piling up on it. The storage space on his email in-box would surely conk out soon.

As much as he tried, he wasn't able to concentrate on work properly. He hadn't been able to ever since Serena had told him the truth about Blair's condition. Sighing, he poured himself another glass of scotch, running a hand through his hair – the way he always did when he was completely at loss. The fear of losing her ate him up inside. And the fact that he couldn't be here for her now, when he knew she needed him the most was even worse. If he just knew what to do to support her.

Sitting here and getting reports and pictures from his investigator certainly wouldn't help her, nor him.

Blair had watched every single drop of the toxic-looking fluid creeping into her body. As the green liquid drug had reached the end of the IV line she was attached to, she had expected to feel something – a tingle, a stinging pain, or fatigue running over her – anything would have qualified. But even now, after the bag was half empty she still didn't feel the slightest bit different.

She felt surprisingly fine.

Although, she had to send Serena to the cafeteria a while ago. The constant chatter and attempts to cheer her up by the blonde had made her crazy. She knew she was being a bitch, and on some level also felt sorry for her best friend who kept trying and trying and only got rejected by her.

She looked up from _Lopsided: How having breast cancer can really be distracting _as the door flew open.

Mentally she prepared herself for even more efforts to cheer her up.

But instead of gorgeous blonde mane, a woman with a – surprise! - red head scarf walked in, balancing six cups of coffee, concentrating really hard on not dropping anything.

She didn't even look at Blair as she spoke, "Okay girls, here are two non-fat latte with soy milk and Rose honey I couldn't get your herbal tea but--," in that moment she spotted Blair. "But apparently I'm in the wrong room."

Blair just raised an eyebrow and brought her attention back to the book in her hands, "Seems so."

For a moment Hannah stood in the room, unsure whether to go or stay. Then she set down all of the cups on a nearby table studying her surroundings and stopping at Blair at the foot end of the bed.

"Listen, I know those women in group today can be a lot for one new to this subject. But for most of them it's the only place where they can properly talk about their feelings."

"Don't any of them have a social life at all," Blair asked, sounding more cynical than she had intended.

"Some women feel as they would burden their family and friends by telling them how they really feel."

Blair fell silent. Strangely she could relate to that. Whenever Serena had asked her how she felt, she'd lied. In actual fact she was terrified to the bone, but in Blair's eyes showing fear was a sign of weakness, so she preferred not talking about her feelings at all.

In the time she had been caught up with her thoughts, Hannah had started to wander around in the room.

Checking the IV bags she grimaced slightly.

"Yikes," she said, a mixture of horror and awe on her face. "They're really giving you the hardcore stuff here! How are you holding up?"

"Never been better," Blair said – and for once it was the truth. She didn't feel any different.

The look on the other woman's face was an unspoken '_enjoy it while it lasts.' _

"And how come I see you here by yourself again? Weren't you with a friend before?"

"I sent her away. Her attempts to encourage me were driving me nuts."

"Don't underestimate how hard chemo can be on your loved ones," Hannah said.

"I could think of better ways of spending quality time with my best friend as well," Blair defended, slamming her book shut. She grew silent a moment later, "I'm honestly surprised she still sticks around. She shouldn't have to put up with any of this." _I shouldn't have to put up with any of this. _A tear slipped down her cheek which she wiped away quickly and tried to smile. "I'm not usually this emotional. It's just kind of overwhelming. I'm sorry."

"Oh honey," Hannah took one of her hands between her own. "Don't apologize. You have every right to be overwhelmed. You have cancer. And mostly, that fucking sucks. So if you feel the need to scream, scream. Nobody here will judge you."

"Maybe you won't. But Serena-- my friend, all she ever did was trying to help me and be a good friend. And all I did in return was bitch at her all day long. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't come back at all."

"Not even a Blair Waldorf-Bass can come up with the amount of bitchiness to drive me away."

Blair looked up surprised, spotting her best friend who leaned casually in the door way, a smile on her lips.

"Come on, B," Serena said sitting down on the bed, taking her friend's hand. "We made it through puberty without killing each other. You think a little bit of chemo-bitchiness will scare me off?"

As the two friends hugged it out, Hannah discretely had made her way to the door. Not wanting to disturb any longer.

"Hannah!" Blair called after her. "To what category do you belong? PM, IAA or IDB?"

"Me? I'm a CB," Hannah smiled.

Involuntarily, the words _Chuck Bass _popped into Blair's mind. She couldn't help it. Chuck used to love seeing his initials on almost everything he owned.

"A cancer bitch. I gave cancer the finger and told it to get the fuck out."

A smile appeared on Blair's lips as she nodded. That sounded like a category she could acquire taste for.

"I'd be happy to see you in group next week, Blair."

"I'll be there," Blair responded, surprising herself, when she realized, she wasn't lying.

**To be continued. **

**AN: **I know... not to much Chuck/Blair action in this one. Hope you liked it anyway. Please review. It only takes you about half a minute and it makes me happy for the rest of the day.


	12. Vanished

**Summary: **Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thank you guys for all your wonderful reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Special thanks to Holz for beta-ing and as always to Sandra for always helping me in word and deed!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 12: Vanished**

If Blair could go back in time and kick herself she would have done so. After the first round of chemo yesterday, Serena had escorted her home and asked about a million times if she should spend the night, since she knew that Dorota wouldn't be there until the next morning.

But Blair had sent her friend home. Reassuring her that she actually felt fine and needed some alone time. Besides she'd read that some woman hardly felt the side effects of the treatment at all. Maybe she would be lucky.

Well, lucky, my ass!

It was 3:46 in the morning, and she had spent the last two hours in front of the toilet, puking her guts out. From time to time she'd been taking a pause from kneeling in front of the porcelain bowl, sitting next to it. Apparently God wasn't _that much_ of a sadist after all and did grant her some breaks to recover her exhausted self.

Twice she'd even made it to the sink, drinking some water, so she'd at least have something in her stomach to bring up.

Four times she'd wrote a text on her cell, telling Serena to come over and saving her from dying on the bathroom floor. Three times she'd erased it. Now her thumb was lingering over the SEND button again.

What difference would it make if her friend was here? None really. If she still had hair, maybe Serena could have held that out of her face. Not necessary now... Besides it would probably give her aheart attack receiving a message from Blair at this hour of the day.

So she hit the ERASE button and prayed that she wouldn't **die** of dehydration till Dorota arrived in about four hours.

As a new wave of nausea came over her and Blair got into her kneeling position once again, suddenly the idea of calling Chuck came into her mind. The bit of bile fluid making its way up her throat and the same reasons she didn't contact Serena, stopped her from pressing the number one on her speed dial – yes he still held that position.

But maybe she should call him after all? What if he did have a good explanation for the incident of the other day? It was out of question that he stilled seemed to care for her. Why else would've his – not so discrete, she wanted to add – PI Mike, following her all day yesterday.

Had she been handling to hastily by cutting him out of her life until further notice?

But he had been there with _her_. A woman that stood for everything she hated. And for everything she wasn't. Big-breasted, blonde, tall, healthy and maybe even willing to give him the thing he wanted more than anything in the world. A child.

Trying not to sink into self pity to deep she pulled herself up on the bathtub and came into a sitting position there. She felt exhausted. And she was absolutely positive that she would never again make herself throw up on purpose.

After a few minutes sitting there, fixating her gaze onto one point on her chiffonier she decided that she felt good enough – well, better at least to make her way back to bed.

Weakly with wobbly knees, she walked back into her bed room, holding onto everything she could get her hands on for support. Was that how you felt when you got old? In that case she didn't want to get old. Which ironically made all of this pointless really.

Crawling into the comfortable covers she closed her eyes immediately. She reached for Chuck's shirt, which lay on the empty place next to her, breathing in his smell and holding it close, before she drifted into an exhausted sleep.

-

"Serena said she was coming today, right?"

Chuck knew he had asked this question for the fifth time at least. But he had to make sure he wasn't wasting his time here at Humphrey-Van der Woodsen family breakfast. As good as a PI Mike was, he couldn't give him the real information that he wanted. There was only one person who could and that was Serena.

"She said she'd come, yes," Lilly seemed kind of amused by her step-son's sudden interest in her daughter.

"Are you sure your alright, Chuck?" Rufus asked as the breakfast went on, "You don't look to good."

"Didn't sleep to well last night," he answered, honestly this time. Something was keeping him awake last night. "Was rolling around for hours before I finally fell asleep. Don't know why."

"Maybe you are finally developing something like a conscience and have to catch up for all the years you lived without." Unnoticed Serena had stepped into the room, standing directly opposite Chuck, not even bothering to hide her anger with him.

Immediately Chuck jumped up disappearing towards his former bedroom, dragging Serena with him and only leaving the astounded with a simple, "Sis, I have to talk privately for a second!"

Inside of the bedroom Serenaslapped his hand of her upper arm. "Don't touch me Chuck! What are you even doing here?"

"How is she?" he simply asked.

"Chuck, she wants you to leave her alone," the blonde crossed her arms.

"That's why I'm asking you. I just have to know, Serena."

Serena sighed and sat down on the bed, "She's okay I guess. Bitchier then usual, but that is to be expected. Let's just say she's definitely been better."

Chuck leaned against the door, "Did she have any side effects yet?"

She shook her head, "Not yet, though the doctor said it may take a while till those really set in."

He nodded, not really knowing if he should feel relieved or not. For now Blair seemed to be okay. She had gone through with the treatment. But it was only one round. According to the medical reports, she was facing about seven more. And once the side effects really kicked in... Let's just say Blair wasn't a woman who dealt with stuff she didn't want to.

"How comes you're asking me all of that anyway Chuck?" Serena wanted to know, sounding a bit defensive. "Your PI was following us through half of Manhattan yesterday."

He looked at his step sister surprised.

She just shrugged her shoulders. "What? You didn't think I'd notice? He's worked on my behalf a few times before, if I must remind you. I'm just glad Blair didn't notice. You know she would've taken that iv pole all the way across New York to kick your ass."

A smirk spread on Chuck's face. Yeah, she probably would've done that. A moment later he was pushed forward by the door that opened suddenly and Nate stuck his head inside.

"What the hell, man!" Chuck complained after regaining his balance.

"You two should come see this," Nate announced with a serious look on his face.

Exchanging a glance Chuck and Serena followed after Nate back to the living room. The whole family had gathered around the television staring at it, taken aback. _  
_  
"... the socialite Blair Waldorf, recently divorced from real-estate mogul Chuck Bass, was confronted with the devastating diagnosis breast cancer a month ago. A mastectomy followed. Having started chemotherapy just this week, she was spotted leaving the Manhattan Women's Hospital yesterday after her first round of chemo..."

During the report they showed various pictures of Blair. One particular tasteless that showed her at a gala event years ago, wearing a dress with extra much cleavage. Another one showing a front page of a big tabloid newspaper titling "Breast Cancer At 32!", showing a picture of Blair wearing a headscarf.

"Turn that trash off!" Chuck said angrily.

Rufus followed the command. With the television off the room fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Is this true?" Nate asked turning to Serena.

Lily looked at Chuck, "Charles, you knew about this?"_  
_  
Neither of the addressed answered, but instead they turned to one another.

"We have to go see if she's okay," Serena stated.

Her brother agreed with a simple nod, grabbing his jacket, already half her out the door. Not giving the family a chance to ask any more questions, the siblings disappeared into the elevator together.

"Who do you think leaked this?" Serena asked.

"I know who," Chuck answered, his jaws clenching as he reached for his cell phone. "And that bitch is as good as dead."

"Well, who?"

Ignoring his sister, Chuck concentrated on his phone call.

"Mike? This is Chuck Bass. I want you to strike now." With those words he shut his phone.

"Strike?" Suspiciously Serena eyed him.

"The less you know, the better."

Almost at a run Chuck and Serena made their way out of the lobby once the elevator doors had opened. Rushing into the already waiting limo.

"To my wife's penthouse! ASAP!" Chuck told his driver, deciding to plainly ignore Serena's pointy look at "my wife".

"Chuck," the blonde probed again. "You know who's responsible for this, so tell me."

Sighing Chuck leaned back against the leather seats, "This is the reason why I was meeting Valerie the other day. She'd somehow found out about Blair being sick and threatened to release the story to the press. I paid her to keep her mouth shut."

"But if you paid her, why would she break that agreement now?"

"I made sure she got what she deserved for the show she pulled at the cafe the other day," he explained. "And I guess now, all bets are off."

"Do you think Blair saw the news already?"

"I dearly hope she didn't," Chuck said in a worried tone. "This would devastate her. Anyone else finding out about her situation..."

Serena fell silent, knowing that he was right. They had to be at Blair's apartment stopping her before she could make any rash decisions.

Ten minutes later when they arrived at her building they were already greeted by a hysterical Dorota, buzzing through the lobby.

"Thank god, you're here Mr. Chuck," she greeted her former employer. "I don't know what to do. Miss Blair's vanished."

"What do you mean vanished?"

"I was bit late this morning and when I went upstairs to wake her, she was gone," the maid told them desperately.

"This so isn't good. What if she does something stupid?" Serena's facial expression had changed from worried to panic.

Chuck didn't respond but pulled out his cellphone, basically barking into it, "Mike, forget about Val. I need you to locate Blair, immediately."

**To be continued**

**AN:** Reviews are loved! (And will probably provide a very soon update...)


	13. Absolution

**Summary: **Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

Special thanks to my amazing beta Holly and to Sandra for always kicking my ass whenever I need it!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

* * *

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 13: Absolution**

"What kind of investigator are you? Don't call me back until you can actually deliver some news!" Angrily Chuck slammed the receiver onto the phone.

"So, nothing new I assume?" Serena asked, sitting across the room on the couch, her cell phone basically glued to her ear as she tried to get a hold of her best friend.

Chuck shut shook his head devastated. It had been almost a week since the big story about Blair's illness had made it into the tabloid news all over the country. And since then no one had received a sign of life from her. For the last days Chuck's office had turned into the stronghold in the search of Blair Waldorf, who clearly didn't wanna be found. She hadn't used her credit cards in days. They'd trudged every hospital and hotel in Manhattan in order to find her, but either she had left the city or she was using a fake identity. And none of her usual Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly name references had been used either.

When he spotted Eleanor Waldorf-Rose stomping into his office he knew he was in for a treat.

"Eleanor," he greeted her standing up behind his desk, always the gentleman. "You look lovely."

"Spare me that dishonest nonsense," she replied. "Rather tell me why I had to learn from the yellow press that my daughter is seriously ill."

Chuck was at loss for words. He'd assumed that Blair, even with all of her secretiveness had at least told her parents about what was going on.

"Blair didn't want anyone to know," Serena barged in.

"And yet, the two of you did. How comes she didn't tell her own mother, but her no-good ex-husband is still messing with her life?"

Not appreciating his former mother in law's aggressive attitude at all, Chuck still remained calm somehow, "It's a long story. Why don't we sit down**?**"

Serena came to his side a second later. "Chuck is right. Overreacting won't help us get anywhere**.**"

With a dramatic sigh, Eleanor sat down on the couch, gesturing to the bar, "I assume you still know my poison, Charles."

She patted on the free space next to her, telling Serena to sit down. "I need to know how she is. I can't seem to get a hold of her. Is my girl alright?"

"Right now we don't know either," the blonde admitted ruefully. "She disappeared right after her diagnosis made it to the front page."

Eleanor's eyes went wide, "What do you mean she disappeared? She surely must have told you somewhere she can be found. You're her best friend."

Chuck walked over to the two women handing Eleanor her drink. "I already have my best people looking for her. But you're daughter refuses to be found."

"Of course she doesn't want to be found by you." Emptying the glass in one gulp the older women fixated her daughters former husband nasty. "After everything you did to her..."

Not even bothering to defend himself Chuck just sat down in a chair. On some level Eleanor was right. If Blair hadn't seen him with Valerie the other day then maybe she'd allowed him to be with her during the treatment and maybe he could've stopped her from running away. Or maybe if their marriage had been happier she would not have gotten cancer in the first place. He had read somewhere that people with a lot of calamity in their life had an increased risk of getting cancer. He sighed. Could've, Would've, Should've...

As he sat there, lost in his thoughts and blaming himself he just tuned out Serena told Eleanor all that had happened up and till now.

He was worried about Blair to thepit of his stomach. She was probably sitting somewhere by herself, drowning in self pity. What if she did something stupid? He'd go crazy if his phone did ring soon, finally bringing good news about Blair.

* * *

Overlooking the city from the roof garden of the Waldorf Astoria was the only thing Blair could do to make herself feel slightly better. Imagining how many people lived in this city she was sure that some of them had to feel just as lousy as she did right now. Maybe even worse. In a way, that made her feel less alone.

She sat down on the cold step. Her head resting against the steel railing. Though the nausea had subsided for now, the fatigue still hit her unexpected most of the time. As the weakness she felt did too. She already knew that the short and simple walk from up here back to the elevator and her room would have her completely wet through with perspiration.

The one thing she was positive about was that no one would recognize her, although on her rare occasional trips to the hotel bar she had spotted a lot of people reading newspapers that contained her photo. She was pretty positive not even her own mother would recognize her like this. She wore a dirty ash blonde wig, combined with a scarf wrapped around it – Grace Kelly style - and big sunglasses. Most people probably thought she was some kind of D-list celebrity recovering from cosmetic surgery.

During the last two days the raw feeling on her shaved head had passed as well. The remaining hair stubble had said goodbye along with her eyebrows and lashes.

She didn't even know why she had chosen this hotel to hide out. All it contained were even more bad memories about her marriage. Or maybe that was why. Chuck would never look for her here. Not even she would've thought two weeks ago that she would ever set a foot in here again. Not after what had happened in this very roof garden.

The memory of a strong arm wrapping around her waist, preventing her to make a step into the fatal wrong direction caught up with her.

"_What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?"_

"_It was an accident. Ugh, just let go off me. I have nothing left to say to you."_

"_God, how much did you have to drink, Blair?"_

"_Just go back to your whore!"_

"_Blair-"_

"_Bringing her to my mother's retirement party? Really?"_

"_What did you expect to happen when you blackmailed me into coming here?"_

"_Clearly not being humiliated in front of the entire New Yorker society!"_

"_Honor to whom honor is due."_

"_I feel like I don't even know you anymore."_

"_Maybe you don't. Maybe if you hadn't been so busy making everyone believe that we lived the perfect marriage we'd still actually have it."_

"_You wished it upon me didn't you?"_

"_Being sober I kind of have a hard time following your mental leaps. What in the world are you taking about?"_

"_Me having nightmare's for the past few weeks. Ever since..."_

"_The abortion."_

"_You should've just let me fall. Then we'd ended this drama for good."_

"_... I should take you home ..." _

That had been the first and only time Blair had allowed herself to cry over the kid she couldn't have. Didn't want to have. As much as she knew she had made the right decision, there were times when she couldn't help but wonder "_What if"?_

Quickly pushing the thought out of her head, she stood up and decided to go back to her hotel room. It was time for her regular afternoon nap. She'd become a big fan of an afternoon nap. Also mid-morning and noon nap for that matter.

* * *

Sighing Chuck threw his coat over the side board as he entered his apartment. It was way past midnight and the day had felt even longer then it usual did. Eleanor had been trying to pick a fight with him, constantly blaming him subtly for her daughter's disappearance. And while, trying to keep her off her back Serena had clung to his coat tail, completely depending on him in the search for Blair.

Between all those issues he had been so tense he hardly found the time to worry about Blair himself. But he knew, now that his body coming to a rest the all his thoughts and pains would hit the surface, keeping him from sleeping. Just like it had for the past week.

He didn't even bother switching the lights on as he made it to his bedroom, letting only the lights of the city glisten through the windows blaze his trail. It kind of had a soothing effect on him after the sensory overload he'd experienced today.

He stopped in front of his dresser loosening his tie before sitting down on the bed, burying his face in his hands.

"It's late. Long day at the office?"

The surprise of hearing Blair's voice next to him on the bed had Chuck literally jumping.

Still panting from the shock he looked at her small curled up figure lying on her – former - side of the bed. She didn't even look at him. Just lay there above the covers – fully dressed, a wig with a black butch haircut on – gazing at the window in the ceiling of the bedroom.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" was his first rather harsh reaction to seeing his ex-wife, who he'd been looking for the past eight days, on his bed.

"Sorry," was her monotone response, as she lay on her side, she still not looking at him. "The paparazzi had discovered me. And coming here... just felt like the only safe option left."

"Have you any idea how worried as I wasabout you? We all were! Just taking off like some rebel teenager!" Despite the relief of knowing she was safe, he felt anger rising within him. "And now you just show up here?"

Weakly she sat up on the bed, her back facing him, "I don't wanna be a burden to you. I'll go to my place."

He had wrapped her in a tight hug before she could do as much as get up from the bed, "You must be delusional if you think I'll ever let you out of my sight again!"

Chuck felt her struggling with tears as she hid her face in the crock of his neck. Soothing he drew circles on her back with his hand. Holding her in his arms, knowing she was safe, he felt like a huge load had been lifted off his back. When they parted again he took her face in his hands studying her intensely, catching her eyes for the first time. She tried to draw her head away, seeming uncomfortable but he held her in place. She looked sick. He hated to acknowledge it, but she really did. Terribly pale and dark rings around her eyes, which seemed to have lost their usual sparkle. The loss of eyebrows and lashes did its bit.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously. "How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted," she admitted, looking down, not bringing up the courage to catch his eyes. "Listen... I didn't mean to worry you, I just-"

"It's okay. I understand," Chuck interrupted her. "How about we talk in the morning? It's been a long day for both of us."

Thankfully. she nodded. She laid down again, her eyes almost immediately closing as her head hit the cushions. Chuck got down on his side of the bed, laying on his back. As he looked up at the ceiling he thanked God – or whatever/whoever was up there - that she was back. And that she was safe.

"Chuck?" she called, just before he was drifting off to sleep.

"Yes."

"Could you please hold me?"

Without another word he shifted closer, wrapping his arm tightly around her waist.

* * *

Awaking in the middle of the night Blair felt horror rising within her as, the familiar feeling of nausea came up within her. As quickly as she could, she freed herself out of the tight embrace she and Chuck had fallen asleep in. Almost running towards the bathroom she felt incredibly dizzy and sick, afraid she wouldn't even make it without throwing up on the ten thousand dollar Perser rug.

Barley making it to the toilet bowl she fell to her knees and emptying her stomach of her nonexistent dinner. Resting her forehead on her arms which were lying on the toilet seat, she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.

He sat down on the cold tile floor next to her, tenderly caressing her back as she retched till she was completely exhausted. Silently he handed her a wet wash cloth after she was finished – for the time being at least – puking.

"Thank you," she said in a hoarse voice, wiping first her forehead, then her mouth.

"Should I help you back to bed?" Chuck asked.

"Don't bother. The whole thing will repeat in about ten minutes anyway...", she caught his gaze. "Oh, don't give me that look Bass! I don't plan on passing away on this ugly bathroom rug."

"Can I get you anything?" he asked helplessly.

"Just stay here with me," she pleaded, resting her head in his lap. Enjoying how familiar and normal it felt to be so close to him.

"Where were you those past days?"

"The Waldorf-Astoria," she answered, closing her eyes as he started to massage the nape of her neck. "Wandering around the roof top garden most of the day."

"Oh."

"Well, I figured that you wouldn't expect me to bethere," she explained her decision.

"I wouldn't have," he admitted. "I didn't."

"That's what I intended," she stopped for a second, weighing her next words. "After absolutely _everyone_ found outabout the most private issues of my life I just needed some time to be by myself. But I guess I can't hide out forever."

"No probably not," he responded. "Especially now that Eleanor's in town."

Blair felt like her heart had just skipped a few beats, her eyes shot open and she looked up at Chuck.

"She arrived just yesterday," he explained.

"What- How—Is she-?" Blair couldn't seem to form the right words. A million thoughts rushed through her head. She felt overwhelmed. Sure she had made the local news. Maybe even national. She'd been probably naive to hope that just because her mother lived in Paris she wouldn't find out.

"She's really worried. I can tell by the way she seems to be even madder than usual at me. She hasn't acted that passive aggressive towards me, ever since her retirement party-", he stopped middle sentences clearly regretting mentioning _this_ event.

"Well, at leastthat night she had a reason for the way she acted," Blair tried not sounding to bitter, which she only managed to a certain level.

Just the slightest thought about Chuck and his mistress on that evening was enough to send a new wave of sickness up her throat. She rushed up from her position in Chuck's lap, leaning over the porcelain bowl just in time.

Hoping that she was finished for now, she leaned back against Chuck. This time she rested herself against his chest by settling between his legs. Her head lying on his shoulder she didn't have to face him for what she wanted to talk about next.

"What were you doing with _her_ that day?" She tried to keep her voice as firm as possible as the words left her mouth. She knew that he'd realize she wasn't talking about the party at the Waldorf-Astoria, but about a more recent incident.

"She called me the day before and - apparently she's got connections in the hospital - told me that she knew all about you being sick. She threatened to release everything to the media if I didn't pay her off properly."

"Well my face is all over the yellow press. Were you penny-pinching, Bass?"

"I made sure she got what she deserved for the show she pulled in the coffee house the other day."

"Well, good job," she said. "Apparently you pissed her off even more."

"I know it's all my fault," he sighed. "I was the one who brought her into our life in the first place."

Blair could hear the deep remorse in his voice. And as much she felt the urge to make him feel better, she couldn't. Just as much as she could maybe forgive him for cheating but never forget it.

"Why did you?" Blair asked quietly. "Bring her into our life's I mean. Bring anyone between us really."

She was opening a jar of worms, she knew it. They'd never openly talked about their issues. They'd fought about them – a lot - but they had never really reflected how they got to the point where they were now. But somehow sitting on the cold bathroom floor with puke breath just seemed like the right moment.

"I know it's sounds idiotic," he struggled finding the right words, "but I hoped that I would manage to shock you enough one day so you would snap out of your perfect wife routine. That you would realize how much I really needed you."

"The only thing it did to me was hurt beyond anything," she closed her eyes, as if it could suppress the pain she felt thinking back and to suppress another round of nausea.

"Don't bother telling me that hurting me wasn't your intention," she'd continued without letting him answer. "Hurting the others emotions was our kind of foreplay..."

"... and public humiliation could substitute a quickie," he added dryly.

They sat there for a little while in silence. While he probably thought about all the horrible things they'd done to each other, she felt too exhausted to do anything but stare at the wall.

"What was I thinking when I decorated this room?" she asked into the silence. "Those tiles are hideous."

Chuck couldn't help but laugh at the sudden statement. "That what I always told you."

"That's right. Now I remember. I wanted to piss you off." A small smile appeared on her lips. "Why was I mad at you that day again?"

"I forgot our third anniversary," he explained.

She shook her head. "No that wasn't it."

"Yes dear, it was," he answered his smirk growing even wider.

"_Chuck? Is that you?"_

"_Yeah, I'm home."_

"_Why are you that late?"_

"_..."_

"_Would you mind answering me?"_

"_..."_

"_Chuck!"_

"_What?"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing. I just had a terrible hard day at the office and the last thing I need is you breathing down my neck the minute I come home, just because __you're__ bored sitting at home all day long."_

"_Well, happy anniversary to you, too, honey!"_

"The way you slammed our bedroom door I thought you'd never speak to me again...," Chuck told her amused. "When I finally brought up the courage to follow you, you were pretending to be asleep already. Not really convincing though, since you were sobbing heartbreakingly..."

"_Listen... I'm sorry."_

"_..."_

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Don't bother!"_

"_I'm really sorry. I know I've been all about work lately."_

"_I just felt so lonely, waiting for you all day in this damn apartment. And I was really _

_looking forward to tonight. I had this whole seduction scene worked out so perfectly..."_

"_You can still tell me what you had in mind..."_

"_Ugh! Chuck! ... Wait, what are you doing?"_

"_..." _

"_Oh dear..."_

"_Exactly."_

"_Don't think sex …_God_... will change anything..._oh my_... I'm still mad at you for not _…Gosh... _remembering!"_

"_Then I better start working on my absolution..."_

By the time Chuck had finished sharing his memory Blair had almost fallen asleep in his arms. She barley realized him picking her up and caring her to the bed. The last thing she remembered was Chuck pulling the covers over her and placing a kiss on her temple before she fell asleep in his arms.

**

* * *

****To be continued**

**AN: **So? What did you think? Liked it? Hated it? Loved it? Let me know!


	14. Dressing Gowns

**Summary: **Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.

**AN:** Special thanks to my amazing beta's Holly and Eileen for making my rambling understandable!

Also, as always big thanks to Sandra. Without her, this chapter would've ended at "...best days of my life."

Kisses to all of you guys!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

* * *

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 14: Dressing Gowns**

If someone would have told Chuck a little more than a month ago that today he would wake up with Blair safely tucked in his arms... To be perfectly honest, he hadn't been expecting to find her still asleep next to him. But amazingly, she was really still there –in flesh and blood. He had been watching her sleep for a little over an hour, seeing her chest rise and fall. With every second that passed, the urge to kiss those bow-shaped lips grew stronger.

_The _knowledge of Blair's probable exhaustion was the only thing that stopped him for doing just so. He didn't want to rob her of the sleep she so desperately needed. He was glad that he could be there for her, but it still hurt him to see her in this state. He felt absolutely helpless as his power and money were worthless in this situation.

"Would you stop staring at me and just go back to sleep!" she mumbled groggily without opening her eyes. "You're making me feel self conscious."

"You have nothing to feel self conscious about," he answered, letting his fingertips graze over her temple and cheek.

"It's actually the lack of things that makes me feel that way," Blair said in a matter of fact voice, though she couldn't keep the edges of her lips stop from curling up at his touch. "Like the lack of lashes? Eyebrows? Or any hair, really..."

"I couldn't care less."

He leaned in slightly to capture her lips with his own, when her eyes shot open. She pushed him away and slapped his shoulder.

"Ow," he complained.

"Chuck Bass!" she exclaimed at the same time. "In what universe does 'I don't have any hair' qualify as pre-makeout talk?"

He smirked at her tightening his grip around her waist. "Sorry. I just couldn't resist."

"Resist what exactly?" she wondered out loud. "The puke breath? The perfectly cracked up lips?"

"Maybe it's the bliss that I get to wake up next to you again — in this bed, _our_bed," he confessed.

That confession had her silent for a moment. As if she'd just realized were she was. She scooted a bit closer into his arms. "I _did_ always love our bedroom. Our bed."

"So you've told me on several occasions," he chuckled, earning yet another slap on his shoulder.

He eyed her carefully as she relaxed in his embrace, closing her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she simply answered. "It's not hard to top a low point like last night."

"I'm glad you feel better."

"So am I." She smiled up at him, with those deep brown eyes that just started to get their sparkle back.

"What are we going to do today?" he asked.

"Aren't you already late for work?" she wanted to know, resting her chin on his chest so she could get a better look at him.

"Yes, in the hour or so I've been here, I'm sure I've only lost a couple of million…but I think you're worth it."

"Just a few million dollars," she asked acting offended. "Last time I checked, I was worth more than a few millions, I believe I was worth about 1.2 billion in the divorce?"

"I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you."

He leaned in closer to her , testing to see if she would pull back. When she smiled in response, looking deeply into his eyes, his smirk grew as he closed the last few millimeters between them.

Their lips had just brushed against one another when the ringing of a phone pulled them apart. For a moment, they just stared at each other, and Chuck felt the disappointment rush through him.

"You should probably answer that," she told him, only barley able to break from their locked gazes.

Even though every pore of his body screamed _I don't want to!_ desperately, he nodded as he

suppressed the urge to just grab and kiss her with all the passion he could muster. The hint of relief in her eyes when the phone continued ringing caused his throat to constrict, were his advances unwelcome? As she slipped out of his grip the moment he turned away to answer his phone, his unease increased. Was he moving too fast?

"What?" he barked into his phone, causing Blair to flinch slightly at his tone. He felt a flash of guilt, but the anger he felt that at her rejection - if you could call it that - overtook him.

"Good morning, to you too, Chuck," his stepsister bitched from the other end of the line.

"Serena," he sighed.

At that Blair turned her head to him immediately. He raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner. In response she shook her head rapidly. His answer was an understanding nod.

"What is it, sis?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"Are you planning to show up at all today?"

"I'll be working from my apartment today," he explained. "Overdid it a bitwith scotch and illegal substances last night. I'm not really in a socializing mood."

"She's with you right now, isn't she?" A smile sounded in the blonde's voice.

"What do you mean?" he asked, playing dumb.

"Blair."

Busted.

"Just say 'talk to you later', if she's with you," Serena offered him an easy way out.

"I'll talk to you later, Serena," he answered.

"You better be taking good care of her, you hear me!" She commanded the threatening tone in her voice not lost on him.

"I wouldn't dare to do anything else," he said before hanging up.

Of course Serena had figured him out. He should've known. Him not showing up at the office to continue the search for Blair had probably been enough to tip her off. The least he could've done was come up with a better excuse.

"What did S want?" Blair asked, still sitting on the bed, eying him carefully.

"She wondered why I wasn't at the office today," he explained.

"Why would she care if you are at the office?" Blair narrowed her eyes. "How would she even know, you didn't show up? It must've been five years since she last stepped a foot in that building."

He chuckled. "I remember. I let the company make an official statement regarding her topless Ibiza incident. She swore that she never wanted have anything to do with that company again. Or me for that matter."

"Don't try to distract me," Blair warned with a raised eyebrow – well it would've been raised if she still had eyebrows. "Answer my question!"

"She was there every day last week," he confessed. "My office was sort of the home office in the search for Blair Waldorf. Better not ask how many dollars I've lost spending the previous week yelling at Mike instead of working."

"Once again," she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't want all of you so worried."

"It's all right," he rolled over in bed, reaching for her hand. "As long as you never do it again."

_Never do it _to me _again, _he added silently.

Returning a proud smile she squeezed his hand tightly. "I just hated it seeing my face all over the tabloid news."

"That's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. We should sue. My lawyers can start drafting us a

lawsuit to have every tabloid in America sued."

"So _we_ should sue, huh?" she asked with pursed lips.

"You, me, we," he shrugged. "You're splitting hairs, here."

She sighed. "As always, I'm a few steps ahead of you. Unsuccessful one's that is. I talked to a partner from my former law firm. Being active as a spokesperson for several charity tables makes me a public person. If I would sue all it would do is cause the headlines to get even more personal and degrading. Probably something like _She already planned her funeral_ or _Her mother's already wearing black._"

"But there's gotta be something-"

"A public statement," she interrupted him. "I was told that a public statement could clear up all that mess that has been written."

His face lit slightly up. That sounded reasonable. Plus it would maybe even tone down the public interest as for the gossip would become less.

"I won't do it," she stated before he had a chance to do as much as finish his thought.

"What? Why?"

"Because it would stir everything back up again, just when the media is starting to calm down again."

He scoffed. Starting to calm down? Just last night she'd told him that paparazzi had chased her out of her hotel. But he knew that now wasn't the right time to start a debate of principles with her. The only thing that would come out of that would be her running away from him again.

"How about we have breakfast?" he proposed instead.

"How about we have a shower?" The words had left her mouth before she could think about the double meaning.

He smirked and couldn't resist wiggling his eyebrows in a suggesting manner. The slight blush on her cheeks was quickly replaced with an evil glare.

"I was talking about the fact that we slept in our clothes," she told him seriously, her nose scrunching as she tried – unsuccessfully – to smooth the wrinkled material of her skirt. "Maybe we should freshen up a bit. Separately."

Chuck looked down on himself. He was still wearing suite pants and a silk shirt. Solely his tie he had discharged onto the floor sometime last night.

"You're probably right," he finally agreed.

"Would you mind getting my suitcase from the hallway closet downstairs?" she pleaded.

He stretched out in bed in a lazy manner. "Why don't you just get something from the closet?"

She got up from the bed, quickly switching into major bitch mode. "Just because you're too lazy to go downstairs and fetch my bag doesn't mean that I'll wear any of the items those call girls and bimbos you've

had in here have left. I'll just go get my bag myself!"

"It's all your stuff in there," he stopped her. "Just as you left it."

She turned to him, looking at him disbelieving, "You never cleaned it out?"

He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really have an answer to it. Maybe he'd been too busy. Maybe he just didn't care, since he really didn't need the space inside the closet. Or just maybe a part of him had hoped she'd be back one day.

"Ever thought about why I left this stuff?" she called out after swarming around in the walk in closet for a bit. "God, in what universe was this stuff ever fashionable?"

"Another hideous buy to piss me off, maybe?" He stepped into after her, holding up a blouse in a disgustingly bright yellow. "What did I do to deserve this? Come late for dinner?"

She laughed. "That thing is so ugly you probably cheated on me to deserve this!"

Instead of returning her smile, his shoulders slumped forward as a guilty expression crossed his face. Their bathroom conversation of last night still lingered in his mind.

Blair rolled her eyes as she noticed his change in attitude. "Jeez, don't give me that sorrowful look! What have we become if we can't even make jokes about cheating on each other? I did things I'm not proud of either ... remember Thanksgiving two years ago?"

Did he remember?

It had all started out pretty harmless. They'd agreed – Blair had blackmailed him into agreeing - to invite people over for the holiday and act civil, at least for that one day. Up until that certain moment, everything had worked out just fine, the turkey was delicious, small talk was flowing.

But then Cyrus's mother had dared to ask _the _question. The one question nobody was allowed to ask in the Bass-Waldorf household.

"_Why don't you have kids yet?"_

Cyrus had tried to hush her but it had already been to late already. All conversation at the table halted as an uncomfortable silence descended over the room.

"_Well..."_

"_Um..."_

"_Blair doesn't want children."_

"_Not right now that is. We're both still young. Maybe someday."_

After her comment, he'd angrily thrown his napkin on the table, jumped up and left the room without a word. When he had reached his office she'd caught up with him.

"_Have you lost your mind? We have a room full of __guests__ sitting out there!"_

"_I don't give a rat's ass!"_

"_Shush! They can hear you!"_

"_Again! Couldn't care less about those shallow idiots!"_

"_You promised you wouldn't act like the bastard you are!"_

"_I will the moment you'll stop lying!"_

"_It's my stepfather's mother! What was I supposed to say?"_

"_How about the truth?"_

"_Oh yeah. I guess 'Now that you mention it, I just had an abortion three weeks ago' is excellent dinner conversation!"_

"_You're the one who tried to play Gloria Steinem, taking control over your body. Now deal with the __consequences!"_

"_Don't be an asshole."_

"_Don't be a bitch, then!"_

"_How about I tell them the real truth?"_

"_And what would that be?"_

"_That I didn't want to be killed by your spawn in childbirth, just like you killed your mother!"_

Needless to say the holiday spirit was dead after that.

"You know what I said that day wasn't true, right?"

He just stared at her. No. He didn't know. Not really.

"Well it wasn't," she added. "I just said that to hurt you."

He shook his head as if it could erase the memory off it. "I don't wanna talk about the things we've been through."

Pursing her lips she tried, unsuccessfully to suppress a smile. "Though it's hurting me, now it's history?" she added dryly.

While he looked at her strangely and slightly nodded, she had a hard time not bursting into laughter.

"Didn't know you quoted ABBA... Ran out of pick up lines, Bass?"

Chuck scoffed visibly, while he cursed on the inside. He'd known that that line sounded familiar as the words left his mouth. So what if he'd—just after she left him— fallen asleep drunk while listening to ABBA? To distract her from that embarrassing fact, he reached for a gift-wrapped box that sat on an upper shelf.

"Here. This was supposed to be your present for last Christmas. I bought it before..."

She stared at the package in her hands then back at him. "Before I filed for divorce."

"Maybe you have some use for it now..."

Quickly she ripped the wrapping paper off quickly and opened the box, looking in awe at the chocolate colored silk dressing gown that slid through her hands. "It's beautiful."

He smiled back at her. "Though I don't think the initials I had embroidered are all that accurate anymore..."

"BCWB," she read out loud.

"I guess you can just have that last letter removed."

"It's perfect the way it is," she told him with a sincere smile. "A perfect gift. Thank you, Chuck."

"When I saw it in the store I couldn't help but remember the time when we were newlywed and spent our weekends wearing those robes all day long."

She giggled a little. "Yeah I remember. We'd just go from meal to meal never getting dressed properly. Wearing dressing gowns."

_And we had sex on every surface in this apartment in between meals, _he added in his mind and the way her cheeks were blushing slightly told him that she was thinking the very same thing.

"I think those were the best days of my life," he told her.

"Yeah. Mine too." A moment after she'd made that statement something in her eyes changed. He'd noticed instantly. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something else, but closed it again a second later. Squeezing her lips tightly shut.

"What?" he asked. "You look like something's bothering you."

"It's nothing," she said, denying it with a wave of her hand.

"You should know by now, that I can tell when you're lying," he challenged.

"If you give me the 'eyes don't match my mouth' speech I'll swear I'll kick you!" she warned.

"Just tell me Blair."

"I... I...," she struggled momentarily to find the right words. "I need you Chuck. I hate to admit it, but I do. I know I told you that I needed time to heal, and as much as things are still really complicated between us... without you I don't know what I want to live for."

"Don't say that," he interrupted her, shaking his head.

"It's true," she continued. "I need you, and I... I, I just can't _not _be around you."

For a moment they just stood there, staring at each other after her confession. He stood there motionless until he realized that she was waiting for a response from him. He quickly took a step towards her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

She dropped box and robe onto the floor, surprised by his sudden outburst, before wrapping her arms around him as well. Holding onto him as if her life depended on it. And it some way it really did.

He rested a palm of his hand on each side of her face, pressing a soft kiss onto her lips, before studying her eyes again.

"I feel the same way. This time _I_ will stand by you through anything!" He kissed her one more time. "And you'll survive this, because I don't know how to live without you. Those few weeks after you left and filed for divorce were the worst of my life."

The tears shimmering in her eyes told him that she had felt the same way. "I can't have you going anywhere, Waldorf. I need you here, right by my side."

They shared another deep kiss and for the first time ever since their night in 1812 Chuck felt alive again. They only parted, due to the lack of oxygen and smiled at each other brightly, like the lovesick fools that they were.

"What are we going to do now?" she asked softly brushing a restless strand of hair out of his face.

His trademark smirk spread across his face. "I thought we could spend the day in our dressing gowns..."

**

* * *

**

To be continued

**AN: **So, last but not least: thank you to everyone who left a review the last time. Hope you take the time to do it this time as well.


	15. Anything But Alone

**Summary: **Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

**AN:** Thanks for everyone who reviewed and left me a PM even after I haven't updated this story in weeks! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Special thanks to my wonderful beta Eileen and to Sandra for letting me use two segments she wrote for this story!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 15: Anything But Alone**

They laid in bed next to each other staring at the ceiling in awkward silence. Blair felt so depressed and ashamed she wants to hide under the covers, cry and never come up again.

"I'm sorry," she told him, barley above a whisper.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," was his immediate responses and he reached for her hand squeezing it tightly.

She still felt like she would die in shame. And it had all started out so well. After their confessions and his suggestion to spend the day in their robes, a heavy makeout session had followed. They were still Chuck and Blair, and soon enough they had made their way to the bed.

It had all been so nice. Good. Familiar. Not even her stopping him as his hand had attempted to slip beneath her blouse and take it off had managed to ruin the mood. She'd grabbed his hand with her own as soon he'd reached to hem of the material and he'd immediately backed off. There had been no look of reproach or the rolling of his eye, he'd just silently nodded and gave her kiss.

But then... oh then... he'd shed all his clothes and removed the clothing she had allowed him to take off, that was when awkwardness reared its ugly head. Despite a half hour of his best efforts – she was still dry as a bone. Not a chance.

Tears brimmed in her eyes as she replayed the scene in her head.

"I really wanted to," she told him, wiping away the one tear that dared to make its way down her cheek.

"I know, but the important thing right now is to have you back and to get you healthy. I don't care about the sex," he said, enclosing her arms around her.

She turned her head away as he tried to place a kiss on her cheek, only barely able to endure his embrace, at the moment.

"It really doesn't matter to me," he tried reasoning with her again.

"It does to me," she cried out, desperately wanting him to understand. "How can you possibly love me Chuck? I mean, look at me: I'm damaged goods."

He shook his head not wanting to hear the words. "I never want to hear those words out of your mouth again. That's absolute nonsense!"

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm getting dizzy thinking about how fast you would leave me if there would be no sex at all anymore."

"Blair, you know that what just happened was a side effect of the chemo. It won't always be like that. And if this is what takes to get you healthy, so be it. As long as you're healthy I don't care if we never have sex again."

"Well it's not like you're missing out on anything major anyway," she told him slightly pouting, tears still in her eyes. "Cause let me tell you. Me? Naked? - Not what it used to be."

"You'll find a objection to anything I say, won't you?" he sighed in a frustrated manner.

She nodded a little bit.

"And nothing I'll say, will change the fact that you just want to drown in your world weariness right now, correct?"

"Correct," she sobbed out and the tears practically soaked her cheeks.

He kissed her eyelids shut, "I'll always be there. No matter what."

Blair snuggled herself into his arms, finally calming down after awhile. As her eyes grew heavy she didn't know if it was the exhaustion from crying or if fatigue had finally kicked in. "I'm so tired."

"You should sleep then"

"Will-" his arm had tightened around her before she'd spoken out that one syllable properly.

"I'm not going anywhere until you're fast asleep," he told her.

In spite of her closed eyes and the exhaustion that she felt within every inch of her body she couldn't come to rest. Lying there she decided that God was a sadist after all. He was probably watching at all times, making sure that Blair Waldorf wouldn't become too happy.

She'd just confessed her feelings to Chuck and hadn't be rejected. Of course after that she deserved a downer. The sudden snoring of Chuck behind her momentarily pulled her out of her depressing thoughts.

Oh dear Chuck. He'd skipped work to take care of her today, to make sure she felt safe, and he didn't get anything out of it. She couldn't help but wonder how long he'd stick around under those circumstances. Despite what he'd said earlier, sex had always been a big part of their relationship—good times or bad.

Well, there was at least one thing she could still do to make it worth his while. She turned around in his arms reaching under the covers which barley hid his naked figure. He stirred in his sleep as soon as her hand had wrapped around the base of his member.

After a few strokes she slipped lower at his side, pulling the covers off of him. She'd just taken him between her lips when Chuck became fully conscience.

"What are you doing?" he asked pulling her up by her shoulder's so they were at the eye level.

"I think that's pretty obvious, isn't it?" she smiled at him, confused why he was stopping her.

"But why?"

"This is just something I wanted to do for you. You used to love it when I gave you head!"

"I just don't think it's right," he tried to argue.

"You don't want me anymore," she figured, hurt. "I knew it. You don't find me attractive anymore!"

"Of course I do!" Chuck gestured down to his obvious erection. "Does it look to you like I don't?"

"Then why would you push me away?" She asked looking him in the eye sadly.

"Because you're emotions are all over the place right now. You're going from ripping my clothes off to screaming at me and now you're having a breakdown. You shouldn't do this just because you think you owe me something, or because you think I'm keeping count about who's giving who more orgasms.."

Blair looked down, slightly ashamed of herself. As logical as his argument was, the rejection still hurt her. Despite her good reason told her that it was total nonsense since he'd wanted to sleep with her barley an hour ago she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he just didn't find her attractive anymore. And she couldn't just lie here without doing anything about it.

Decidedly she swung her legs out of bed and left a confused looking Chuck behind as she made her way to the bathroom.

"Where are you going," he called after her.

"Taking a shower," she responded.

Quickly he stood up, resting his hands on her slim waist just before she could disappear behind the door. He lifted her face by her chin making her look him in the eye before kissing her lips softly.

"I love you."

She couldn't say it back. She just couldn't. Not after the previous events. So she just nodded, only barley able to keep herself from crying.

Not giving him a chance to say anymore she slipped into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. After starting the shower she unbuttoned her blouse turning away from the mirror as she did so. She couldn't look at herself after what had just happened. She threw the cloth along with her prosthetic bra and stepped into the hot spray of water, closing her eyes as she rested against the tiled wall.

* * *

The half hour he had been in his home office was enough to be buried in work. He was thankful for the distraction. When Blair still hadn't come out of the bathroom after an hour, he decided to try and at least get some work done. Her calling "Okay." when he told her he'd be in his office was comforting to him, she was still at least conscious.

The echo of footsteps in the hallway had him momentarily looking up from the computer screen. When he spotted her standing in the doorway, he knew that his attention for the rest of the day would be focused on her.

She looked stunning his jaw positively dropped. Her game face – no question. She wore a gorgeous chocolate-brown wig in a bob cut and the brown robe. Along with perfect make up she'd repainted her eyebrows and adjusted some fake lashes on her lids. Nothing reminded him of the weak, sick woman he'd carried to bed last night. The queen of the Upper East Side was clearly back.

"Can I use your computer?" She asked nonchalantly, as if the previous hours had never taken place.

He furrowed his brows. "What do you need my computer for?"

"I want to find material I can use against you when I file for divorce," she feigned seriousness. "Oh no, wait... that was last month."

They shared a smile.

"I want to check my email," she explained. "I haven't checked my voice mail or email since last week. I figure it's time to stop my self imposed isolation and return to the real world."

Chuck couldn't decide whether he should be proud of her for that decision or doubt her because of it. He was not so sure she would be ready to face the world.

"You haven't checked your voice mail? Serena probably exceeded the memory days ago anyway."

"Well, then I should probably check that first," She said as she pulled her cell out of the robe's pocket. It didn't slip Chuck's attention that her her thumb hovered above the "on" button. He reached for her free hand, pulling her close so that he could wrap his arms around her waist.

"I'm right by your side," he told her.

She sat herself down on his lap, still looking at the dead screen in her hand. "Welcome back real world," she whispered before pressing the button.

As the phone turned on, what Chuck had predicted happened. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. Text after text, missed call notifications and voice mails started filling up her in-box. He felt Blair tense within his arms, this was not going to be easy.

As Blair starts scrolling the first of the texts, she realizes that the tension is misplaced. Most of the messages were positive, wishing her well and offering a sympathetic shoulder.

"I'm here for you 24/7," she read one out loud, her expression a cross between a smile and tears of relief. She read another one, "You'll get through this. Call me whenever you're ready. XOXO Nate."

"Should I be worried that he's sending you kisses?" Chuck asks playfully.

"Are you jealous that you're not the one getting kisses from him?" she joked back, quickly wiping a tear away.

She went on to reading the next one. "I just heard the news. I'm shocked. Wishing you all the strength to get through this. - J."

He kissed her temple tenderly. "See, no pressure. Just support from your good friends. Hate to say I told you so."

"No, you don't," she said composing herself scrolling down to the next text. "Oh my God, listen to this: 'Dear Ms. Waldorf. We're sorry to hear about your diagnosis from the media. VitaFull is a supplement which is boosts the immune system and has been credited with preventing the spread of cancer. We would love the opportunity to send you a free trial package with a full month's supply. We offer a 3 month refill supply at a bargain price of $3,880.50..'"

Chuck shook his head in a disbelieving manner. "Disgusting. Absolutely illegitimate. Imagine the poor people actually desperate enough to buy that stuff."

She nodded affirming. "And there are about twenty more of those things. Cancer-diet's, vitamin replacement drugs, cancer meditation, Asian fungal therapy, incantation, immune cures..."

"Quacks."

"But luckily that's it with the texts so far," she sighed. "Let's see what voice mail has got for me."

He watched her as she hesitantly dialed the number to check her voice mail. He knew that the text messages were just the beginning. The careful, delicate friends and acquaintances wrote. The really shameless ones called. After jumping over about thirty messages from Serena she put the phone on speaker.

"Hello Blair! Is it true what I read in the paper? That would be just awful. But you can't believe everything you read there. Give me a call."

"Hey. This is my second message. Why don't you call?"

"Severe situation. But did you have to sell that to that newspaper?"

"Hey... what a madness. Front page. Didn't think you'd make it there."

"Me again. Why aren't you calling back?"

"How can you use something like this as a PR stunt? Seriously. That's tasteless."

"Call me back!"

"Hey. Heard you have breast cancer. Terrible. How are you doing? Did you need to have a mastectomy? My aunt did. Unfortunately she died last year. But, I'm sure you'll be okay. Keep in touch!"

"Blair Waldorf? My name is James Clarence. I write for the Gawker. If you would like to address the latest news – with a exclusive interview maybe – give us a call."

"I am getting a new number first thing tomorrow," Blair declared snapping her phone shut furiously. "I think that's all I can take for now."

"I can't blame you," Chuck nodded. Why call at all if you want to leave a message like that? Unbelievable.

Blair rested her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm maybe not as ready to face the world as I thought I was."

They sat there in silence for a moment when the elevator ding which told them that someone was arriving let both of them sit up straight.

"The maid?" she guessed hopefully.

Chuck shook his head almost immediately. "I sent them home until further notice."

"Serena, maybe?"

Carefully guiding her to stand up from his lap he walked towards the door. "I'll go check. You wait here."

* * *

Blair squeezed against the wall in the hallway listening carefully to the voices from the foyer.

"Where is she?"

_Oh dear god!_

"I don't know what you're talking about," Chuck stated calmly.

"Don't play dumb! Where is my daughter?" was the equally calm response.

Effing shit. Of course, her mother. It felt like the loss of her hair. She'd known that she would have to it eventually. Yet she was still surprised it happened.

"Why would she be here of all places?" Blair heard Chuck's distant voice.

"Because in the end, despite her knowing better, she always ends up back with you," Eleanor said and Blair could pretty much hear the eyes rolling in her voice.

"Eleanor, I don't want to be rude, but I have to ask you to leave now," Chuck insisted.

"The hell!" her mother answered, raising her voice for the first time. "I know Blair is here somewhere and she needs her mother! Especially in a time like this!"

"Yeah," Chuck shot back. "Because you were always the perfect mother, weren't you."

"Don't you dare lecture me about what's good for Blair!" Eleanor barked. "You of all people!"

Blair decided then, spontaneously, to step in before the two would slaughter each other. She stepped out of her hiding place, coming up behind Chuck. She puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from throwing out the next barb in her mother's face.

"It's alright, Chuck," she said softly.

"Oh my goodness! Of course, I should've known!" Eleanor exclaimed gesturing towards the couple in front of her who only wore robes. Blair realized how that must look in her mother's eyes. And really, was she all that wrong?

But the jaw-dropped state of her mother only lasted for a mere second before she concentrated her full attention on Blair. In an unusual burst of emotion she took two steps towards Blair and hugged her as tightly as she could. To be completely honest, Blair couldn't remember her mother ever hugging her as tight as that before.

"Are you alright?" She asked against her daughters hair.

"Not if you continue to cut off my air supply," Blair responded.

Not even a second after Blair had spoken those words, Eleanor's distant attitude was back. Though her mother released her out of the embrace quickly Blair couldn't help but notice how watery the older woman's eyes looked.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Eleanor wanted to know, placing a hand on both Blair's shoulders.

"I've been better," Blair answered honestly. "But I've also been worse."

"Well you look good," her mother stated, gathering herself. "And your hair..."

"It's a wig, mother," Blair explained dryly. "The lashes are fake and the eyebrows are painted."

"Oh my god!" Eleanor pressed a hand against her lips as if to take back her outcry.

"Mother-" Blair started before being interrupted by Chuck.

"Why don't the two of you go sit down in the living room. Standing here in the hallway, just..."

Blair nodded immediately. "You're right. Come on let's go sit. Thank you, Chuck."

He kissed her cheek. "I'll be in my office if you should need me."

Awkward silence had spread over the living room as mother and daughter sat next to each other on the couch. Blair could see her mothers hand twitch as if she considered taking Blair's hand, but in the last second she reconsidered and withdrew it.

"Why in the world didn't you tell me?"

Blair sighed. "I didn't tell anyone."

"I am not anyone, Blair!" Eleanor's tone was sharp enough to make Blair jerk a bit.

"I couldn't bear the thought of anyone pitying me," Blair admitted looking down.

"Well, I'm here now and I'll take care of you whether you like it," her mother's voice softened and she gave her daughter an encouraging smile. "So why don't you get dressed and I'll take you home."

"But I am-" Blair became silent, a bit shocked herself by what she was about to tell her mother.

"What?" the elder woman asked patiently.

"Nothing," she shook her head as if it could help her to clean up the mess of her feelings. "Just give me a minute to get dressed."

Halfway on her way to the bedroom she couldn't help but feel devastated at the thought of leaving this place. Making up her mind and turned around to face her mother.

"No."

"I beg you pardon?" Eleanor looked at her like she wasn't sane anymore.

"I want to stay with Chuck, mom," Blair stated. "I am home."

"Why in the world would you do that?" she looked utterly shocked. "Has the chemo caused some kind of memory damage? You were the worst couple ever. I have never seen such a terrible marriage and I was married to a gay man!"

"We are working on leaving that behind us," the younger Waldorf explained.

"Blair," Eleanor sighed. "After everything he did to you."

"Guess what, mom, it takes two to tango."

"Still..." looking into the resolute face of her daughter, she swallowed the rest of what she wanted to say. "Are you sure he's going to take care of you?"

"I am."

Eleanor took Blair's hand and pulled her down onto the seat next to her. "Alright. Here's the deal. I'm not leaving town. You will call me every day. And we'll spent as much time as possible together! Understood?"

Blair felt a spontaneous fit of emotion running through her. "I love you, mom."

"I love you more," Eleanor responded with tearful voice, kissing her daughters forehead. "You're my little girl no matter what. Don't you dare leaving me!"

"I'll try my best not to," Blair said, a tear running down her cheek as she flung her arms around her mother.

As her head rested against Eleanor's shoulder she spotted Chuck standing in the hallway giving her a warm smile. Right then she knew that not only had she made the right decision, but that she was anything but alone.

**

* * *

**

**To be continued**

**AN:** Now, I was nice enough not to leave you with a cliffhanger, I think that deserves a review.


	16. Rounds

**Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.**

**AN: **Okay, 5079 words. That's the second longest chapter so far. Thank you to all of you guys, who reviewed, put me on alert or favorite storys! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Big, fat, special thanks goes to my beta Eileen for being a nitpick whenever I'm to messy!

Another thousand thanks go to Sandra, who always gets to read my writing first and isn't afraid to tell me if it sucks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 16: Rounds**

* * *

R o u n d T w o

* * *

"I'm really glad to have you by my side," Blair told Chuck, still unable to hide her nervousness and hating herself for it.

"I'm glad you're letting me," he smiled at her.

As they linked their hands tightly, the nurse came to them.. "Your room is prepared Ms Waldorf," she said. "We are ready if you are."

"Only four rounds left after this," he whispered in her ear as they followed the woman. "Just keep that in mind."

She nodded silently, glad that she had his hand to hold onto this time. Four times. Once each twenty one days. That meant eighty four days. Almost three more months. A quarter of the year. Didn't seem like such a long time. Still the twenty one days since her last treatment felt like an eternity. So much had happened, so much drama.

"You know," Chuck started, a conspiratorial smirk on his face. "I figured your emotional state would be pretty tense today."

"Oh no!" Blair exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"I provided some distraction," Chuck explained acting innocently.

The smiling nurse stepped ahead of them to open the doors to the overly crowded hospital room..

"Surprise!" Blair's stepfather Cyrus called out. Along with him, Blair spotted her mother, Roman and her father.

The last one had her calling out in joy. "Daddy!" she burst out, falling into Harold's arms.

"Blair-Bear!" he whispered softly as he held her tightly in his embrace. Still cuddling into her father's chest she looked around in the room. "What are you guys all doing here?"

"We're having a chemo party," Roman announced, hugging his step daughter.

Blair laughed, though being near tears as Cyrus and her mother embraced her together.

The afternoon went on and in a quiet moment, Harold sat down by his daughter's bedside, thankful that the others had left to get something to eat.

"How are you feeling, Blair?" he asked.

"As good as I can under the circumstances I suppose," she answered, motioning to the side so her father could settle himself next to her on the bed. "Better now that you are here."

Harold took a seat next to her, "So you and Chuck are an item again?"

She sighed. "I already got the 'You're making a mistake' talk from mom, Daddy."

"Making mistakes are overrated," he smiled. "What other people told me were mistakes, sometimes turned out to be the best decisions of my life."

"Like Roman?" she figured.

"Among other things," he responded, taking his daughter's hand in his.

"So you think that it was a good idea to let Chuck back in?"

"I think life is to short, to worry constantly if you're making the right choice. If it feels right for you then getting back with Chuck is the right thing right now."

"What if it doesn't work out?" she asked, feeling terrified. "Again..."

"So what? We don't live in a perfect world," Harold smiled. "Your mother and I didn't work out, still I wouldn't change anything about that time in my life. Especially not since you were the result of our love."

"I'm so terribly afraid, Daddy," Blair admitted, not just talking about Chuck anymore, tears dropping from her eyes as she hid her face in her father's chest.

"It's okay to be afraid Blair-Bear," her father answered, his eyes full of tears as well.

"You know that you haven't used that name for me in years," she told him smiling through her tears.

"You haven't seemed so much like the little girl I watched growing up in years" he reasoned. "Do you mind?"

"No," she smiled holding onto him more tightly. "I'll always be your little girl."

"Our little girl," Eleanor corrected from the doorway.

Blair smiled at Eleanor and Harold as the were sitting on either side of her bed. With both of her parents at her side, she felt like she was five years again and there was nothing that could harm her.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into this, B!" Serena complained, carefully studying the contents of the shelves in front of her.

"Cut the Virgin Mary act, S!" Blair ordered mercilessly, dragging her into the next aisle. "You have the biggest collection of," she gestured at an item, "those things, on this side of the Atlantic. Don't act like you've never been to an establishment like this."

It had all started a few hours ago when Blair had been at her weekly support group meeting. Her plan had been to sit there for the next forty minutes and be bored or shocked or terrified by other's stories but then Hannah had asked her directly if there was something she'd like to talk about.

"Well, there have been difficulties," Blair started, looking very self conscious into the circle of women in front of her.

"What kind of difficulties?" Hannah asked. "You're struggling with the side effects? Nausea or fatigue, maybe?"

"Not exactly," Blair sighed. "Though I am not missing out on those, I learned to handle it."

"What the matter then, dear?" Rose looked at her expectantly.

"The other night, Chuck and I tried to ... you know, but-," Blair sighed again, normally she wasn't struggling with her words like that.

"Welcome to the Sahara desert, huh?" Jane figured.

"Exactly!" Blair exclaimed relieved. Jane had found a way to express what she couldn't. She apparently was familiar with those problems, which in turn meant this wasn't only her suffering. "And you know, it's not like I wasn't ready in my mind. I was turned on and I wanted him, but apparently I am not as ready as I thought I was. Maybe I should just take the signs my body gave me."

"Fuck your, body," Rose burst out. "We're talking about the same damn body, that developed cancer and is pretty much down to its basics by now. If you wanna have fucking sex, you should just be allowed to!"

Hannah nodded in a agreeing manner. "Especially during treatment, sex is one of the most important antidepressants."

"What are you suggesting?" Blair asked, curious by how many curse words Rose had used. If she did that, there had to be something important to it. And if Hannah agreed with her, there had to be hope.

"Lube," Rose simply stated. "And lots of it."

Stepping out of the hospital thirty minutes later, Blair immediately pulled out her cellphone and pressed two on her speed dial.

"Yes?" Serena answered after only one ring.

"Get your big sunglasses out, S!" Blair ordered. "We're going shopping!"

And that's how they'd ended up here, studying different lubricants at a sex shop.

"What do you think of that one?" Blair held yet another bottle in front of her friends face. "It taste like strawberry."

"What's the taste for?" the blonde asked, visibly cursing herself for the question a second later.

"Well in case he wants to e-" Blair was interrupted by her best friends shriek of horror.

"Oh good god, please don't!" Serena said in horror. "Helping you out lube so that you and my stepbrother can have sex is disturbing enough as is. No need for visuals!"

Blair rolled her eyes. "And yet people tell me I'm the prude."

* * *

"Blair?" Chuck called into the living room. "Are you home?"

"I'm here!" Blair answered from the bedroom.

Exhausted from the last few hours at work, Chuck loosened his tie, dropping his briefcase in the hallway as he made his way to the bedroom.

"I'll be right out!" Blair said from the bathroom as he sat down on the bed, kicking his shoes off.

"Are you not feeling well?" he asked worried, his body tensing immediately. "Nausea again?"

"I'm fine," she responded and he could hear the smile in her voice. Relieved, he felt his body relax. The tension was back a second later though, when she opened the bathroom door.

"Close you mouth dear," she smiled, as she stepped towards him slowly, clearly happy with his reaction.

She wore a chocolate brown teddy with a high-cut cleavage and a hem that only barley reached her thighs. The wig she had on, came very close to her natural hair. What was really special about her appearance was the bright smile she wore. Her eyes were sparkling and she practically seemed to be glowing.

As she stepped closer and came to hold in front of his sitting figure he couldn't help but reach out to place his hands on her hips. His fingers slipping under the fabric of the slip as he caressed her skin.

"Are you sure?" He asked the question, which had started them so many years ago.

She nodded with closed eyes, enjoying his tender touch. He leaned forward a bit, literally sweeping her off her feet and rolling onto the bed with her. Their lips met only a second later. As they rolled around on the mattress, Blair's slip slowly slid up her hips, bunched around her waist, earning her an approving purring sound from Chuck.

"Going commando," he smirked at her. "Seriously?"

His hand slipped lower and brushed a finger along her folds, finding her sex only a second later, he felt her shiver beneath him.

"My nightstand!" She pressed out, as he began to circle her clit agonizingly slow. "Upper drawer!"

When he reached for the lube bottle she reached for his member, giving him a few firm strokes. He moaned, momentarily not able to continue his mission.

"You're killing me, woman!" he sighed, lying back next to her, lube bottle in hand. She grabbed the bottle from him and squirted some into her hands, which reached back for his manhood, lubing him up. She slowly sucked his lower lip between hers, biting softly. "I want you inside me, Chuck."

He took the lube from where she'd left it on the pillow, spreading it over her slit, entering her with two fingers. She arched her back of the bed, desperately reaching for him. "Please, Chuck!"

Covering her body with his own, he positioned herself at her entrance, bending down for one more kiss. Then he slowly entered her, carefully so he wouldn't cause her any pain. She cried out when he had filled her completely and they starred into each others eyes. Both finally coming to peace that moment.

"I love you," Blair told him, happy that she was finally able to say it back.

* * *

R o u n d T h r e e

* * *

"It's really nice of you to keep me company, Lily," Blair smiled. "Though it really isn't necessary."

"It was the least I could do, after having pulled Charles from your side," Lily smiled, crossing her legs as she got comfortable on the couch next to Blair's bed. Her best friend's mother had showed up about thirty minutes ago, needing Chuck for an important deal closing at Bass Industries. He had only agreed after a lot of convincing from Blair.

"Well still, thank you," Blair said.

"To be completely honest I'm happy that we have the opportunity to talk," the blonde admitted.

"We had dinner last Thursday, Lily."

"I didn't mean just small talk," the older woman replied. "We've barley mentioned it over the years, but you know that I was once in your position."

Blair's expression became serious. "Yes you were and you didn't want anyone to know either."

"Yes," Lily nodded. "And I was a fool for it."

"I see. So you would have preferred the media exposure," sarcasm audible in every syllable.

"I would have preferred to have my family around me," Lily explained.

"Whatever happened to 'the minute people start treating you like your sick, you are sick'?"

Lily laughed. "In retrospect I think that's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard."

"I don't know—," Blair started to disagree but Lily wouldn't let her finish.

"You think it would be healthier for you to go through all of this alone?" Chuck's stepmother started her rant. "To not have anyone with you while you're waiting for your blood results? To get you your anti emetics when you feel to bad to leave your spot in front of the toilet? Or do you think it would be healthy to lie here in this bed all by yourself, getting chemo and doing nothing but thinking about your illness?"

"Probably not," Blair smiled at her. "Thank you."

"You are very welcome," Lily responded.

"Hey!"

Blair and Lily looked up from their conversation, to see a red headscarf appear in the door frame.

"Hannah!" Blair greeted truly delighted. "Good to see you! … This is Lily Humphrey- Chuck's stepmother -, Lilly this is Hannah Goodwin."

"Nice to meet you," Hannah shook hands with Lily, before turning to Blair.

"I wanted to show you something," she announced.

Blair looked at her curiously. "Something that couldn't wait till group next week?"

"I figured it would be the right thing to cheer you up during chemo," Hannah smiled before pulling off her head scarf.

For a moment both Lily and Blair looked at her bewildered, before Blair recognized what Hannah meant. Over her head was unmistakeable dark fuzz.

"Your hair," Blair said amazed.

Hannah nodded with a smile, running a hand over the fluffy hair as she sat down on the bed. "I received my last round of chemo two weeks ago," she bowed down a bit, so Blair could touch her head. "Wanna touch?"

Only six months ago, Blair would've probably declined, being perplexed by the woman she barley knew, but now she reached out without hesitation, feeling the strong structure of hair.

"It comes back," she exclaimed laughing. "It really grows back!"

* * *

Blair left her physiotherapy office and slipped into the waiting limo leaning in to greet Chuck with a kiss, when she realized just in time that it wasn't Charles Bass sitting on the back seat next to her.

"Nate? What are you doing here?" she asked confused. "Chuck was supposed to pick me up."

"I insisted to take over," he told her.

"And why is that?" Blair didn't even bother to hide her disappointment to have found Nate in the vehicle instead of her husband.

"I have a surprise for you," Nate smiled, looking like an excited little boy.

"Unless the surprise is a place were I can sleep, with a bucket in front of me, I pass," she declared, sinking back against the leather seats.

"You're not even curious?" he asked, looking a little offended that she wasn't even the slightest bit psyched.

"No."

"You know what? I don't care. We're doing this now." He leaned forward to the driver. "Arthur, get us to the park. Ms. Waldorf's favorite spot."

"You just don't give up, do you?" she sighed, closing her eyes as the car started moving.

"Trust me," he assured her. "It's only in your best interest."

"Fine. But better keep it PG, Archibald!"

A smile spread across his face. "That's the one thing I can't promise you."

She rolled her head to look at him, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Still smiling he reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver casket. When he gave it to her, she opened it with halfhearted interest. But the contents had her looking up at him with curious eyes. Two perfectly rolled joints laid in there. "Are you serious?"

"I did some research and talked to your doctor about it. The THC is supposed to help with the nausea."

She laughed lightly, surprising herself that she was actually considering this. "Does Jenny know about this?"

"Well, let's just say she'd disapprove less if I told her I'm doing this with and for my sick friend, instead of secretly in our bathroom when she's visiting her mother."

"I thought parenthood was supposed to make you more mature," Blair smiled, taking one of the joints into her hands and studying it.

"They also say that about marriage and that didn't really work out for you and Chuck," Nate retorted.

"Shut up and give me a light," Blair snapped placing the filter ending between her lips.

"Not in the car," Nate insisted. "I had to promise Chuck."

"And you say Chuck isn't mature?" she smiled. "Remember the time you only had to poke your head in here to be faded?"

"Only vaguely to be completely honest."

They shared a laugh with a familiarity that only people had who had been friends for decades.

* * *

"Would you look at that," Serena said – purposely of course – loud enough for them to hear. "Having all that fun without inviting us."

Nate and Blair were seated on a park bench and the drug induced haze, had slowed down their reaction time, so it was almost a full minute before they could turn to greet Serena and Chuck.

"What are you guys doing here," Nate wanted to know. "I thought this was my alone time with Blair."

"Dorota packed us dinner," Chuck said, demonstratively holding up a picnic basket. "We thought you might be hungry."

The dark haired man hadn't even much of a chance to put the basket down when Blair had already opened it and started to devour the contents. Chuck smiled as she heartily bit into a sandwich. He hadn't seen her with such an appetite in quite some time. Especially not since the chemo.

"Grapes," she called out after finishing with her sandwich, quickly pecking Chucks lips. "I knew there was a reason I loved you!"

"Whoa!" Nate protested raising his hands as if in defense. "Don't I get any credit for making your nausea go away and bringing back your appetite?"

"The credit goes to the dope, actually," Blair seemed to seriously consider the facts for a moment. "But fine... Of course, I love you, as well!" With those words Nate got a more chaste kiss on his cheek.

"You're pretty lucky that was just the cheek Nathaniel," Chuck told him glowering, unable to explain why he felt so protective and jealous over Blair's affection for Nate all the sudden. Maybe it was childish thinking, that he was the only one who could make her happy.

"Well I guess there's really not much I could get credit for," Serena fake-pouted a little. "Do you love me anyway, B?"

Blair crawled across both Chuck and Nate so she could peck her best friends lips as well. "Always, darling!"

"Now, see," Chuck cut in once again. "A proper tongue kiss there I wouldn't have minded!"

"Right there with you buddy," Nate laughed, taking a look into the food basket, before shrieking.

"What was that?" Serena looked at her ex as though she doubted his sanity.

Nate had pulled out a cube of cheese and waved it in front of Blair's face. "It's goat cheese!" he called out before falling into a fit of giggles.

While Serena and Chuck looked at their friends irritated, Blair joined Nate in his laughter.

"Goat cheese!" she laughed, not able to calm herself anymore. "Goat milk cheese!"

"Oh boy," Serena moaned. "I forgot how annoying stoned people can be..."

"I don't care." Chuck couldn't keep his eyes of dearly laughing Blair, looking beautiful. "Just look how happy she is."

"You're right," the blonde agreed, smiling warmly as she took in her friend's image. "Still, I can't help but wish we would've bought the pot that guy offered us."

"I told you that stuff was oregano!" Chuck said, clearly annoyed.

"We have one left if you'd like," Nate offered, as he ate the ate the hilarious goat cheese.

"You have one left? Oh Nate, what has become of you?" Serena sighed, as she reached for the offered joint.

"She's right, Nathaniel," Chuck agreed while taking the cannabis cigarette and lighter from his stepsister. "You're high as a kite after only half a joint."

"Well I have been out of practice," Nate complained, as he watched Chuck lighting the joint and taking the first hit like a pro. "Unlike some of us, apparently."

"Oh Chuck has always been training," Blair elaborated and snatched the joint from Serena who'd just finished. "Me, on the other hand … well there's nothing I'm not good at."

"I have to say," Chuck began to feeling his eyelids growing heavy. "It really hurts my pride that after all those years of trying to talk you into smoking up with me, Nate is the one who got you to try it."

"Maybe if I'd gotten cancer a few years earlier and needed chemo then you would have been the lucky one," she responded dryly, while popping some grapes in her mouth.

"Yeah well it looks like your sense of humor went with your hair," Chuck complained holding out the joint to Serena.

"If I could get up from the bench, I'd hit you!" Blair snarled.

"_Chuck! Are you in there?"_

"_..."_

"_Chuck? – What are you-? What's that smell? Oh no you didn't!"_

"_I very much did. In fact, I still do."_

"_I can't believe you! I told you how important tonight is to me!"_

"_You sure did."_

"_Everything just to hurt me, isn't it? Are you done yet?"_

"_Not even close, chérie."_

"_You're heinous."_

"_And you're uptight. Come over here, have a drag, maybe that will relax you a bit."_

"_Put out that joint right now and get dressed!"_

"_And what if I won't?" _

"_..."_

"_What was that? For family album?"_

"_For evidence. I'm curious to see how the world will react to the news of Chuck Bass being nothing but a dope head."_

"_You wouldn't."_

"_You hurt me, I hurt you. Isn't that how we work?"_

"_This would hurt your reputation as well."_

"_Not as much as yours. I think those conservative British investor guys we had over for dinner last week would agree with me."_

"_Delete that photo, Blair."_

"_And what if I won't?"_

The next morning, every newspaper in New York City had a picture of real estate mogul, Charles Bass with a large joint in his hand - shirt hung open, hair disheveled. The article that accompanied it, had an interview with his wife, Blair Waldorf-Bass, detailing his frequent drug use and her numerous attempts to curb his habits. While the Upper East Side reveled in this juicy tidbit, they soon lost interest. It was the lost of over a hundred million dollars from investment withdrawal that had hurt Chuck the most.

"That wasn't all that nice of you," Chuck remarked.

"Man, nothing in your marriage was nice," Nate cut in, chuckling at his own joke.

That earned him immediate hits on both of his upper arms. "Ow!" he cried out, before he started to pout. "You made each others lives a living hell, you humiliated the other in every way you could possibly think off. And you cheated. How come I am the one that's getting hit in the end?"

"Because you never turn against a married couple, even if divorced," Serena told him, pulling him away before the said couple could do permanent damage do him. "Come on, Nate, I want a hot dog! You should buy me one."

Complaining Nate scampered after Serena, annoyed that even she seemed to take the pot better than him.

"You know..."Chuck trailed as he looked at Blair adoringly. when the other two were out of earshot. "You may be the second most manipulative person I know-"

"What? I only make second place?" she complained. "Who's first, Jack?"

Ignoring the feeling within his stomach when she spoke out his uncle's name, he smiled. "First would be me, of course."

She gaped. "You think you're more manipulative then I am?"

"Indeed," Chuck stated. "You may be a bit more creative when it comes to schemes, but mine are always more effective. The second you think you've won, seventy percent of the time it hits you right back in your face. Remember what came after you exposed me to the media like that?"

Sighing she rolled her eyes. "How could I forget."

"Point being," he made a second attempt. "You may be one of the most manipulative people ever, but looking back I wouldn't do it any other way."

"Of course you wouldn't, you just told me that you won about seventy percent of the time!"

He pecked her lips briefly. "Would you let me finish woman! No matter what you ever did to me. I wouldn't exchange you for anyone in the world. If I wouldn't have married you, I think the last ten years of my life would've been a waste and incredibly boring."

* * *

R o u n d F o u r

* * *

"Alright," Dr. Parker entered the room, causing Blair to look up at her from her position on the bed. "I have your blood results, and I'm afraid we will have to reschedule."

"What?" Blair asked flabbergasted. "Why?"

"Your white blood count is marginal," the doctor explained. "That takes effect on your immune system and your blood coagulation. Another round of chemo right now would drop it even more. We should wait for about ten days. Give your body a chance to recover."

Blair couldn't believe that she actually felt disappointed. She'd learned by now to accept every round of chemo as something that would bring her closer to being healthy again. If she had to skip a round now, it would mean her recovery was also delayed.

"But you said that the blood level is only marginal. Not too low, right?" she tried to argue. "So I theoretically chemo wouldn't be impossible."

"Theoretically, yes," the doctor sighed. "Still, there is a risk."

"I'll take it!" Blair stated. "I'm here now and I want the treatment."

Just like that she'd made her decision. There was no way she would wait another two weeks. Dr. Parker didn't know her body like she did. She could take this.

The physician sighed again, clearly realizing that arguing would be pretty much pointless in this case. "You will have to sign a consent form, acknowledging that you were informed of the risks."

Blair nodded eagerly. "Sure. Anything you say."

Dr. Parker nodded. "I'll get the paperwork and treatment ready."

"What paperwork?" Chuck asked as he stepped back into the room from a business call.

"Just insurance stuff," Blair surprised herself by how easily and quickly the lie slipped off her tongue.

Ignoring the disapproving glance her doctor gave her, she turned to Chuck with a smile, relieved that he apparently bought her performance.

* * *

"How in the world is it possible to get drenched that quickly?" Blair complained. As she shook off her wet coat, she discovered that the rest of her clothes were also dripping wet. Looking at Chuck she realized that he wasn't any luckier. "It couldn't have been more than twenty feet from the limo to the door.

"You should get into dry clothes as quickly as possible!" he ordered.

"I think I'll take a hot bath while I'm at it," she said, stepping toward their bathroom.

Chuck nodded, watching her disappear behind the door. The water started running just a moment later. He'd just flung his shirt into the laundry bin, when he heard her calling his name.

He softly knocked at the door. "Is everything, okay? Are you not feeling good?"

"I'm having trouble with- I can't seem to get my-," she sighed. "Would you please come in?"

Hesitantly he opened the door, her back faced him. "It's this damn new bra. I can't seem to handle the claps with one hand and the other one isn't that flexible yet... " she whined. "Would you..."

He nodded, immediately coming towards her and undoing the bra. She had her arms crossed over her chest looking incredibly uncomfortable as the straps fell to the side.

Chuck placed a tender kiss on her shoulder, before turning to leave. "I'll be just outside if you need me."

"Wait!" she called, causing him to stop in his tracks and let go of the door knob.

Both of them turned around slowly, facing each other. Even more slowly, she dropped her arms from over her chest, revealing the scar on the right side.

When he stared at her, without moving or saying a word she tried to cover herself back up and turn away from him. Chuck's motion was quicker as he held her wrists.

Their tear-filled eyes locked and an unintentional sob escaped her lips.

"You're beautiful," he told her, before he dropped lower, kissing her tenderly along the scar while outlining the underside of her left breast.

Tears were running down her cheeks as she buried her hands in his hair, pulling his face up to hers. His arms went around her, embracing her tightly. "You're beautiful," he kept on telling her, repeating it over and over again, as she cried on his shoulder.

**

* * *

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To be continued

**AN: **_"Pff... This chick already has over three hundred reviews, it doesn't matter if I leave one..."_

Is that what you think right now? Well, newsflash: Yes it does!

I don't want to sound desperate or whiny, but with the last few chapters the review count has dropped constantly. Still, about 180 people have subscribed to this story.

I can't help but wonder, has the quality of my writing really faded? Is the story getting unrealistic? Does my characterization suck? I really appreciate any kind of feedback. Even if you want to tell me, my fic sucks, go ahead.


	17. Morning Beautiful

**Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.**

**AN: **There's no other way to say it: I'm simply overwhelmed. **48** reviews for the last chapter and that within a week. I'm not even ashamed anymore, that I basically begged for feedback. You're guys are amazing! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Big, fat, special thanks goes to my beta Eileen for bringing some sense into the mess I write!

Another great thank you goes to Sandra (Stella296), without her I wouldn't have updated in six month's or so.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

**

* * *

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Way Back Into Love

**Chapter 17 : Morning beautiful**

"Morning beautiful," Chuck smiled down at Blair in his arms as her eyes fluttered open.

Returning the smile Blair let her hands roam over his chest. "Morning handsome."

The events of last night rushed back into her mind. Their encounter in the bathroom. How perfect he had been afterward, when he had put a bathrobe around her and brought her to bed. Lying there with her until she had fallen asleep, he had told her multiple times that he loved her and that she was beautiful.

A small kiss later she closed her eyes again, sinking into the cushions, leaving Chuck amused, "What? I can't recall any activity from last night that would cause you to be exhausted."

Blair just smiled, deciding that she wouldn't acknowledged that question with an answer. Instead she scooted closer into his embrace.

He kissed her forehead, then frowned for a second and replaced his lips with the back of his hand. "You feel warm," he said slightly alarmed.

She shrugged. "I guess that's just bed warmth."

His expression was serious. "That's not bed warmth. You're burning up."

Chuck rolled over to his side of the bed and reached for something in his nightstand. Blair gaped when he took out a thermometer.

She looked at him with wide eyes. "You keep a thermometer in your night table? Whatever happened to condoms, handcuffs and nipple clamps?"

"All still there, don't worry. Just a drawer beneath," he explained turning the thermometer on.

"Good to know you've got your priorities in order," she mumbled with the measuring stick under her tongue. "How long does this take anyway?"

"Shush," he ordered. Just then the thermometer beeped and he took it out studying the small screen.

"It's just a little bug anyway," Blair trivialized.

"100.6," Chuck told her, the lines of worry growing. "I'm calling Dr. Parker."

She ignored the sudden tight feeling in her chest. "That thing is probably broken. What kind of stone age prototype is that anyway? One should think that the billionaire Chuck Bass could afford something better."

"We're not taking any chances here," he blocked her objection. "I'm calling your doctor."

"It's seven in the morning on a Sunday," she tried again. "You can't call her this early."

"She probably should have chosen a different job then," was his dry response as he hit the speed dial with her doctor's number.

Watching him call Dr. Parker and describing the situation, she couldn't help but wonder how much of their life had changed in the last few weeks.. From the obvious changes of her body to the fact that Chuck Bass owned a thermometer and used explicit medical terms in a conversation. Yet she didn't know whether she preferred their old life to the new.

He hung up and looked at her resignedly. "She wants you in the hospital in half an hour."

"Just because a slight of temperature?"

"100.6 isn't slight, it's a fever. Your immune system is wear as is, and getting drenched by last night's rain didn't help.. Now, don't give me that look and get dressed." His tone didn't allow for any argument.

Rolling her eyes, Blair swung her legs out of bed ignoring how light headed she felt. Grabbing some clothes from her closet, she made her way to the bathroom. The idea of getting dressed and more importantly undressed in front of him had her positively wincing. Her self consciousness had returned with the morning's sun. Last night had been different—different lighting, a different mood, it had felt right. While she had no regrets about doing so, in broad daylight, he'd see how damaged her body really was.

He watched her from where he sat on the edge of the bed. "I thought we agreed that we put this behind us."

She looked at him, aware that probably all of her insecurities and emotions were visible on her face and went into defensive mode instantly.

"I'm feeling like shit, alright? Can we please do the pep talk about my body issues later?" she snapped at him.

"We're not going through this charade all over again, Blair," he said stepping towards her, his hand cupping hers where she held her bathrobe tightly pressed to her chest. His tone grew a bit softer. "I thought we were past this."

"I don't know if I'll ever be past this," she studied the floor, unable to look at him and face the disappointment in his eyes.

He let go of her hand and kissed her forehead. "Get dressed."

Sighing she went into the bathroom forcing back the tears. I'm such a bitch. She figured. He had been so wonderful last night. After what had happened, he hadn't even come near suggesting sex, knowing she wasn't ready, without her having to spell it out. He was aware that there wasn't much Samantha Jones within her. Not in her current situation at least. Only the thought of being naked while sleeping with him, had her writhing with complexes. And Chuck understood and waited patiently. Just for how much longer would he?

When she was dressed and ready, stepping out of the bathroom, Chuck just finished adding a few pieces of clothes into her Louis Vuitton Carryall overnight bag.

"I put your hospital bag on the bed. Check if you have everything you need. I'll just go freshen up."

Hospital bag? Blair thought, mentally cringing at the thought. Was that really necessary? Dr. Parker would probably just prescribe her some antibiotics and send her home. Chuck was clearly overreacting.

As she got dressed in the bathroom, it took all her willpower to ignore her growing fatigue and she was burning up from inside. The fact that she was already short of breath this morning indicated that things were bad, and about to get worse.

* * *

After barley half an hour in the emergency room, Blair had been moved to a private room and was hooked up to an i.v. of antibiotics. Her temperature had risen to 101.1 by the time had reached the hospital. According to the nurse her inflammation blood levels were throughthe roof while her white blood cell count was dropping. In other words, her immune system was pretty much fucked.

As Dr. Parker stepped into the room with a serious look on her face, Chuck felt his heart drop.

"So I guess I'm not leaving anytime soon, huh?"

"You picked up some kind of infection, Blair. The good news? It's not a virus, so there's a good possibility that the antibiotics will knock it out," the woman explained.

"And the bad news?" Chuck asked - not sure if he wanted an answer - while squeezing Blair's hand tightly.

"If the antibiotics don't fight the infection, it's possible that Blair will develop a condition called septicemia," the doctor said while checking the flow rate of the antibiotics.

Watching the oncologist, the bad feeling in Chuck's stomach grew even worse. He was familiar with this sort of behavior. Whenever a employee at Bass Industries had fucked up they avoided to look at him directly, distracting themselves by pretending to check their cell phones or working on their computers during a meeting.

"Could you translate that for people who don't have a medical degree?" Blair pleaded, surprising him on how relaxed she seemed.

"It's a severe infection spreading through you blood system and can lead to organ damage. And..."

"And what?" Blair demanded.

"It can lead to complete organ failure."

As Chuck tightened the grip on Blair's hand he felt her squeezing back.

"It's just a possibility I have to inform you about. For now we'll attach you to some higher potent antibiotics. It's very strong so you may experience some side effects."

"Right, because I'm short on those," Blair said dryly.

If it wasn't for her strong grip, not even Chuck would've suspected that the bad news at effected her at all. The way she lay there in her nightgown and robe, she looked absolutely calm and collected. Chuck often wondered if that was the way she had reacted to the cancer diagnosis in the first place. With a cool ice queen surface, handling it like a business deal. He felt regret that he wasn't there to hold her hand back then.

"What side effects?" he asked.

"Headaches, nausea and sensitivity to light are very likely."

As if on cue, the conversation was over, a nurse stepped into the room carrying a fresh i.v. bag While she exchanged the bags, the doctor left the room "I'll see you later Blair."

Chuck kissed the back of Blair's hand before jumping up and following the doctor. "I'll be right back."

"Dr. Parker!" he called after the woman who'd just left the room.

"Mr. Bass," she acknowledged him.

"Is it possible to tell me how Blair caught this?" he asked. "Besides being soaked from the rain last night. Was there anything else that might have caused this?"

She shook her head. "No. She could've caught in anywhere. It was probably something that a healthy person's body could fight without noticing it at all, but Blair's immune system is very weak."

"She was feeling so good lately," Chuck said more to himself than the physician. "Better then she has since she started chemo. Is it ... I mean..."

"What?"

"We started sleeping together again. Is it possible..." Chuck couldn't finish the sentences. Could it be his fault that the woman he loved was lying in a hospital bed?

"You mean that she caught it from you?" Dr. Parker asked in a soft voice.

He simply nodded.

"I'd say that's pretty unlikely. During years of sexual relation with the same person your bacterial flora adjust, so you're not much of a threat for her."

"Not much, but still-"

"Don't be worried, Mr. Bass. This has nothing to do with you, more with the fact that Blair shouldn't have gone through her last chemo session. I advised her against it, but she simply couldn't be convinced."

"What do you mean?"

She pursed her lips. "I think you should talk with Blair about it."

Skeptical about what Blair had been hiding from him, but at least reassured that he wasn't the reason for her condition Chuck nodded. He thanked the doctor and went back into her room.

"I don't like it when things that concern me aren't discussed in my present," she told him frostily.

"You stubborn old screw," Chuck told her, kissing her softly. "You weren't supposed to have that last round of chemo, Blair."

If she was surprised he knew about it, she hid it well. Not so much as shrugging her shoulder she looked at him.

"Don't cry over spilt milk," she told him. "Fighting this infection is my priority right now."

* * *

By the time the sun began to set, Blair had already received the third dosage of antibiotics – she was only supposed to get four a day – and the side effects where at a maximum. Her temperature had risen 101.7 to, but was holding steady for the past few hours.

Blair felt weaker and worse than she had through any rounds of chemotherapy she received so far. She had a raging headache combined with the pains that the infection brought on her.

Ever since they had arrived here this morning Chuck hadn't left her side for more than five minutes. The only time he'd left her side was to talk to Dr. Parker and once when he went to the bathroom. Blair would have sworn that if he could get a catheter so he didn't have to leave her side he would have said yes.

He had taken off his tie and jacket. She had to admit with the upper buttons popped off and hair disheveled, he looked pretty hot. Considering her pounding headache, it was a wonder that she had even noticed, when she heard his stomach growling loudly

"Okay that's it," she decided. "You're going home. Eat something, take a shower, get more comfortable clothes, I don't care. Just get out of here for a little while! God knows I would if I could! There's nothing you can do here right now anyway."

"There is no way-" he tried to object, but was immediately knocked down.

"Go," she said again. "The sleeping pill the nurse gave me is starting to kick in anyway. I promise not to die in your absence."

"Don't even joke about that," he said seriously.

"Chuck, you have no idea how much talking physically hurts me right now," she said. "So please don't argue with me."

"I'll be back in less then two hours," he told her kissing her forehead. "I love you."

Chuck was barley gone for ten minutes when Blair had rolled up into a fetal position and fell into a restless sleep. She woke up every five minutes from the pain. Once she even asked the nurse to turn down the thermostat in her room. When the nurse told her the air condition was at maximum, she checked her temperature which had risen to 102.6.

Every time she woke up the world around her seemed more blurry and she felt more disoriented. The room around grew hazy. Why was her nightstand white all the sudden? For years there had been a cherry wood night table next to her bed. And what had happened to the bed? It used to be bigger. And this definitely wasn't her Egyptian cotton bed linen.

The light from the opening door ripped out her thoughts, as did the growing headache. She heard steps and voices coming in, unable to open her eyes through the pain.

"Ms Waldorf?" a female voice said. "Your temperature has risen again, we're going to put a cooling pad under you. We have to roll you on your side for that."

Blair heard the words but her brain couldn't make any sense of it. Why were there people in her bedroom? Where was Chuck?

She felt a pair of hands grabbing her hips and shoulder. With all the strength she had she fought those strangers.

"It's alright Ms Waldorf," a different voice said. "We'll be finished in a minute."

Trying to sit up Blair felt a strong pair of hands pushing her back down and rolling her to her side. "Where's Chuck?" she called out. "Chuck? Chuck!"

Then she was on her back again, feeling a cool surface beneath her. The hands gone. Still she couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. What did these people want from her? Where the hell was she?

The cool pair of hands taking one of hers between them, made her struggle for a short time.

"It's alright Blair," a voice whispered. "I'm here."

She calmed immediately. Wherever she was, if Chuck was here holding her hand, it would be okay.

* * *

"I don't know what's worse, how I acted last night or how frightened I felt," Blair was sitting up in bed, slightly leaning back against the cushions, her eyes only half open. By the morning her temperature had dropped back to 102 and she was coherent again.

"I knew I shouldn't have left you," Chuck had felt bad from the moment he had returned last night, seeing Blair toss restlessly. It had taken a few hours before she had been able to reorient herself.

"I don't think you have the power to lower body temperatures, Chuck."

"The fever has gone down constantly since I came back," he responded, only half serious.

A knock on the door made both of them look up. Dr. Parker stood there, files in her hand. What she told them wasn't surprising to Chuck - after last night - but still devastating.

"Blair, you're septic. The antibiotics aren't working. We're gonna have to increase the dosage."

"And so will the side effects?" Blair knew the answer before asking the question out loud.

Chuck didn't even look up to see Dr. Parker nod. He knew the answer as well. As the physician was left, both of them were left silent, hands joined.. For the hundredth time this month he thought why she had to go through this? Why not him? He deserved punishment. He had done so many bad things over the years and had always gotten away, while she had received her punishment almost immediately every time. So how fucked up was karma that she had to go through all this?

The silence was broken when there was a knock on the door. Eleanor stood there, looking more worried and motherly then Chuck had ever seen her before.

"Mom," Blair said with a small smile. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"

Eleanor stepped into the room, sitting on the bed, opposite of Chuck, looking at him directly and for the first time in years with less hatred than usual.

"Someone called me," she explained finally taking her eyes off him to study her daughter.

"I knew that I shouldn't have trusted you when you left the room voluntary," Blair gave him a look as if she couldn't decided if she should be thankful or pissed. The confrontation kept Blair busy long enough so she wouldn't notice that Eleanor needed to compose herself at the sight of her weak looking daughter.

By the time she turned to her mother, Eleanor wore her most encouraging smile. "How are you feeling dear?"

"Never worse would be an understatement."

"Oh Blair," Eleanor monopolized Blair's other hand.

"I should give you two some time," Chuck suggested, standing up and giving Blair a tender kiss. "I think I'll use the time to get something low quality from the cafeteria."

"Charles," Eleanor called after him. "Thank you."

He just nodded stepping outside and closing the door behind him. Standing outside the room he took a deep breath. Things were bad, really bad and he couldn't do anything at all about it.

The tightening feeling in his chest grew stronger and stronger. He loved her so much. What would he do if he would lost her? He had just gotten her back. With large steps he went towards the exit. He needed some air. With Eleanor in there, he knew Blair was in good hands..

* * *

As the next few days passed, Blair's condition didn't improve. The sepsis was getting worse so the antibiotics had to be upped to the maximum dosage. With her temperature constantly over 102, her body slowly began to shut down. She was barley conscious most of the time. Sleeping all day long, because her body needed all the energy it could muster for healing.

Six days after Blair had been readmitted to the hospital, it was late afternoon as Chuck was seated on Blair's bedside like always. Eleanor and Serena were on a quick break at home. Just like Chuck the only reasons for them to leave the hospital room were showering and to change their clothes.

Chuck had rested his head on the mattress, closing his eyes for only a second as he felt her hand brushing through his hair.

Looking up he could see her eyes opening a bit. It had been almost two days since she opened her eyes and as she did now he felt his heart jump in joy.

"Blair," he called out happily, kissing her hand.

"I love you," her voice was so hoarse it was barley audible.

"I love you, too," Chuck responded kissing her palm, holding her hand at his lips.

As he looked down at her fragile figure in the bed, seeing how she had to fight hard to keep her eyes open and how every breath she took seemed to cause her more pain, Chuck knew what he had to do.

"I'll be okay, Blair," he said right into her ear. "If fighting is too hard, if you're too tired and if it hurts too bad. If you feel it's time, you can go. Don't worry about me."

He sat up so he could look into her eyes just before she couldn't hold them open anymore and drifted back into a peaceful slumber. Exhausted, he joined her in dreamworld only a few minutes after she had fallen asleep.

A dangerous sounding alarm had him jolting awake. Before he realized what happened a team of nurses and doctors had stormed into the room, checking her non existent vitals.

"No peripheral pulse," a nurse stated.

"Femoral is gone, too!"

"She's flatlining."

Blair's head was pulled back by a doctor and a mask was put to her face, trying to secure her breathing. Meanwhile another nurse was starting cardiac massage. Chuck could hear a doctor calling orders on what drugs he wanted injected.

He couldn't tell how long all of this was going on, maybe an hour, maybe only for a minute. He stood silently in a corner of the room, the strangest memories running through his head.

Blair preparing for a dinner party, how she'd freaked out when the salad dressing didn't turn out the way she wanted it to.

Blair as a teenager lying on the couch in 1812, sick from too many bellinis.

The way her skin felt after she'd gotten a facial.

Her neurotic way of organizing her underwear drawer.

"She isn't responding," he heard a doctor's voice through a curtain. "Get me the paddles!"

A nurse started to cut her silken nightgown open with a pair of scissors.

"What are you doing?" Chuck managed to choke out.

One of the doctors he didn't know, took a brief glance in his direction, before yelling at a nurse: "Get him out of here! Now!"

"No!" he contradicted. "I want to stay with her!"

"You have to let us do our job, here!" Without giving him further chance to protest a nurse had guided him outside, telling him to wait there.

The last glimpse he got of the woman he loved was the view of her getting a breathing tube down her throat, then the door was shut.

Chuck sat down on a chair in the hallway and buried his face in his hands. That was how Serena and Eleanor found him, both of them understanding immediately.

* * *

The doors of the room being pushed open, had Chuck, Serena and Eleanor jumping up. Two doctors and two nurses rolled Blair out on her bed, covered in a sheet up to her chin. Between her lips was a breathing tube over which a nurse pumped air in with a bag valve mask. Several bags hung on the at the bed attached iv pole. She was rolled away hastily by the team. It was Dr. Parker who came up to the waiting family.

"She's in a coma and will be moved to ICU," she explained. "CPR has her temporarily stable, but we need a decision."

"Concerning what?" Chuck wanted to know.

"Not here," Dr. Parker insisted, leading the group into a conference room.

"Her heart only stopped for about three minutes. We have to run some tests to see if the oxygen shortage has caused any permanent damage. But I'm quite sure that won't be an issue."

A collective sigh of relief when through the room, however, it did not last long. Surely she hadn't lead them into a separate room to tell them that everything was fine. Hell, her heart didn't stop because everything was fine.

"The antibiotic isn't working as we hoped." No shit, Chuck thought as the doctor paused. "We have two options now. One, we keep her on the treatment and hope that we'll see some progress before her organs shut down completely."

"How much time would that give her?" Eleanor looked alarmed.

"With what happened today, I'd say about two days. Four at the most."

Chuck felt like he wanted to throw up. He couldn't say a word. It was like his tie cut had off his air supply.

"What's the second option?" Serena asked, clearly not liking those odds.

"Chances are that the infection has developed a resistance to our treatment, so I'd like to use two different antibiotics. One is broad spectrum, the other one is even stronger as the one she's on now."

"Do it." Chuck said, finding his voice.

"There are some serious risk to thos drugs. They are both very powerful so they could easily overwhelm her system, something she wouldn't survive with her current weakened state," even the doctor seemed anxious. "There is also the possibility that the drugs themselves could do damage to her organs and she wouldn't survive that either. If that would be the case, it would happen within the next twelve hours."

Serena laughed a humorless bitter laugh: "So you're saying if we do nothing she could die, but if we do something she might die faster?"

"What about the coma?" Chuck asked.

"It's not that uncommon. Her system closing down is just so it can find the energy to heal itself. By the time the temperature is at a acceptable level and the infection goes back she's likely to wake up."

"How quickly do you need a decision?" Eleanor tuned back in.

"I'll have the new possible treatment prepared, so if you decide for it, we will be able to start right away," Dr. Parker said before locking eyes with Serena. "Let me know your decision as soon as possible, Serena."

"Her decision?" Chuck and Eleanor called out simultaneously.

"I have power of attorney," Serena informed them earning two dropped jaws.

"That's ridiculous," Chuck said, shaking his head. "I've had power of attorney for years."

"No you don't Chuck," Serena said clearly something else on her mind then legal facts at the moment. "She put me in charge a little less then two years ago."

A little less then two years ago? It didn't take Chuck much to figure out when exactly Blair had made that decision. Around the time she must've found out she was pregnant. He jumped up, pushing his chair back.

"Well, I guess I'm not needed here then," he declared, getting ready to leave the room.

"Chuck!" Serena called after him. "We should all discuss this! It's what Blair would want."

"No. When she signed that piece of paper she made sure that it isn't what she wants," with those words he slammed the door shut behind him.

* * *

Staring at the empty glass of his third scotch was how Lily found him as she entered the bar across from the hospital fifteen minutes later.

"Charles," she greeted him slipping onto the bar stool next to him.

"Lily," he nodded. "Can I invite you for a drink?"

"I'll have a dry Martini," she said half to him, half to the bartender, earning a surprised look from Chuck that she actually took him up on his offer.

"What about the 'You shouldn't be drinking here at such a time'-pep talk?" he asked bitterly.

"If this isn't a proper time to get drunk I don't know what is," she shrugged.

They sat next to each other for a while, quietly sipping their drinks as they stared into space. Surprisingly Chuck was the first one to break the silence.

"You know, she made it pretty clear when she put Serena in charge that she doesn't want me there."

Lily wasn't sure if he was talking to her as much as he was talking to himself.

"That's just plain stupid, Charles," Lily stated, her voice hardening a bit. "When Blair put Serena in charge you weren't on the best terms. It was a logical decision."

His only response was an angry huff.

"I know the real reason you're here and not at Blair's bed at the moment and so do you."

"Why don't you enlighten me, mother?" Chuck practically spat the last word.

"Charles," her voice soft despite the insult. "I know how much you love her and how frightening this is."

Growing still he kept his eyes on the spot on the wall where the paint had started to peel.

"I know you have this strange idea that you don't deserve to be happy and that everyone who loves you will leave you eventually," she grabbed his chin forcing him to look her in the eye. "I'm still here aren't I?"

It took Chuck a second to realize what the salty taste on his tongue was.

"I know you're hurting Chuck. But Blair needs you. You can't let her down," Lily continued.

Chuck shook his head slowly. "I can't go in there. I can't go in there and watch her die," the next words were so tearful they were barley audible. "I love her too much."

Lily embraced him in her arms giving the opportunity to let the strength, he had held up through all of the last months for Blair, fall down. She held him slightly cradling him, like the lost little boy he was that moment.

* * *

A big cup of coffee, a few splashes of water and ten minutes later Chuck was back to his former strong self, walking down the hospital floor towards Serena and Eleanor.

"I'm glad your back, Chuck," his stepsister's words sounded truly honest.

"We discussed the possibilities," Eleanor announced, not really seeming to care that her former son-in-law was back. "We will wait. Give her more time to fight off the infection."

Serena agreed with a hesitant nod.

After a second of considering the options again Chuck shook his head. "No. She had time with this drug. It's clearly not working."

He understood it now. Blair had made a decision. And now they had to honor it.

"Are you saying we should try the new antibiotics?" Serena wanted to make sure she was understanding what he was saying.

"What utter nonsense! All this will do is kill her faster!" Eleanor jumped down Chuck's throat. "She needs time!"

"Her heart stopped beating and she came back! She wants to fight!" Chuck told Eleanor, in an equally sharp tone, before turning to Serena. "We have to give her something to fight with!"

"Do you really think so, Chuck?" Serena seemed to be wavering, her certainty slipping.

"I know she'd want to try something different. Even with the risks," Chuck said completely confidence in his tone.

"You can't possibly know that!" This time Eleanor practically exploded and screamed at Chuck. "It's easy for you to put her life in danger. That's exactly why you shouldn't have a say what happens to my daughter!"

"Eleanor that's enough," Lily stepped in, her voice sharp.

"Easy for you to say," Eleanor continued her rant. "I'd like to see how you if it was Serena in there, not even breathing on her own!"

Seemingly out of nowhere Dr. Parker stepped to the group, "I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down or to take your conversation outside."

"No need for that," Serena cut in. "I've made my decision."

Four pairs of eyes turned towards her. Lily being the only one able to speak. "You did?"

"I want the new antibiotics," as Serena had spoken those words Chuck let out a breath of relief, while Eleanor gasped in horror.

The physician nodded, already issuing new instructions. "We'll start right away."

As the four people were alone again, Serena made an attempted to explain her decision to Blair's mother. "Listen Eleanor," she started putting a hand to her shoulder.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Eleanor snapped jerking away. "My baby girl is going to die and it's all your fault!"

With those words she took a last hurtful look to her right were the nurse attached her daughter to a new iv bag behind a window, before storming off in the other direction. Lily followed at her heels.

"Thank you," Chuck said to Serena as they had turned towards the window where they could watch Blair.

"I didn't do it for you Chuck. I did it for her. Because I think it's the best thing for her," Serena explained, not taking her eyes of her best friend.

"Don't worry about Eleanor," Chuck said, reading his stepsister's thoughts. "She's not in control of what's happening here and she's afraid."

"I'd give anything to be in her place," Serena admitted.

"Actually controlling what's happening is even scarier," he figured.

Serena nodded. "No matter what you or Eleanor said before, I'm the one with the responsibility. I am the one who decides. If she dies I'll be the one that killed her."

Chuck put an arm around his shoulder letting her head rest on his shoulder. "She will survive. And you'll be the one who saved her life."

* * *

It was about eleven at night when the second of the two new antibiotics had completely infused into Blair's system. Chuck and Serena had gotten clearance to enter the room, but not without some preventive measures though. Since Blair's immune system had reached its lowest point, the danger for her to catch an additional infection was higher then ever. Both of them had to wear a surgical mask, gloves, scrubs and hide their hair beneath cap.

Dressed like that they sat at her sides, not talking to each other, carefully watching the nurse who came in occasionally to check her vitals, relieved when she seemed satisfied with what she saw.

"How will we know it's working?" Chuck asked sometime around midnight.

"When the inflammation blood levels clear and the fever goes down," she explained. "For now she's holding steady. She's not getting any worse."

Neither Serena nor Chuck slept for a single minute that night. The anticipation was too great. No matter what would happen, they'd be with Blair through it.

At five in the morning the fever dropped.

The minute her shift started at seven in the morning Dr. Parker stood at Blair's bed, updating herself on last night events. For the first time in days her face seemed to relax a little as she studied Blair's file.

"Blair's blood work improved even more than I had hoped," she said the hint of a smile on her lips. "I think it's safe to say we are on a good way."

"How long till she will wake up?" Serena asked.

"I'd like to keep her in a medical induced coma for the next few days. Give her body time to recover," she gave the siblings in front of her an encouraging look. "The worst is behind her."

By the time the doctor was gone Serena finally dared to leave her best friends side. Getting up she stretched her sore limbs. "I'm going to call Eleanor."

"I don't think you have to," Chuck smiled, indicating her to look out the window to the hallway.

Eleanor could be spotted talking to Dr. Parker, most likely receiving the same good news as them. Chuck could almost see the tension falling off her. He could tell because that was exactly how he had felt.

Without greeting either of them Eleanor entered the room, putting a hand on Chuck's shoulder, while smiling at Serena thankfully. She didn't have to apologize or say anything about what happened last night. Both of them understood what she couldn't verbalize.

It was a few hours later as Chuck, Serena and Eleanor sat at Blair's bedside and a doctor came into the room. The grim expression on his face had all of them standing up straight.

The doctor shook the hand of Eleanor "I think we haven't met, yet. I'm Dr. Conrad, the on-duty doctor for this unit."

"Eleanor Waldorf-Rose," she introduced herself. "You have news, I presume."

"No good news I'm afraid," the doctor said. "Blair's last scan showed mild heart damage. We will have to change the chemo protocol drastically, if she survives the infection."

Before the doctor knew what hit him, Serena had grabbed him by his scrubs pulling him outside into the hallway, Eleanor and Chuck following right behind them.

"No idea if you missed your sensitivity training, but if she's in the room you so much as imply that she might not recover. Ever."

With that she let go of the stunned doctors clothes. In that moment, Chuck and Eleanor fell a bit in love with Serena.. They both understood now why Blair had wanted her best friend in charge. The blonde was maybe shallow at times or easily distracted, but when it mattered, she would fight like a mother bear for the people she loved.

When the resident had left, Serena turned around, tears visible in her eyes. Chuck hugged her tightly thanking her quietly that she'd shown strength when he hadn't been able to.

* * *

Two more days passed till the doctors agreed that Blair had made enough progress to be removed from the respirator and should be woken up out of the medical induced coma.

From the agonizing moment when the tube had been removed – Chuck had held his breathe until her chest started rising and falling on it's own – he refused to leave her bedside, wanting to be there when she woke up.

"She's taking her time, isn't she?" Eleanor sipped on her coffee, pulling a chair up to Blair's bed.

One day had gone by as Chuck waited for her to wake up, so he gave his former mother-in-law a weak smile and nodded.

"Blair always knew that if you wanted to be the center of attention you don't come on time," she studied her daughter's face with a tenderness, Chuck had never seen on her before. "When I was pregnant and the due day arrived, the doctor told me that I was nowhere near delivery. After almost ten days they already considered inducing labor or preform a c-section, when just like that my water broke. And even then it took her another twenty three hours."

She smiled a bit at the bewildered look he gave her before adding. "Don't be inpatient with her. My daughter likes to do things on her own time schedule."

And as always mother turned out to know best. As if to mess with Chuck she picked the one moment Nate had forced him to – under the threat of physical violence - either get some coffee or something to eat.

When Blair fought her way through the fog, her eyes fluttered open slowly, the first thing she found focus on was Nate sitting by her side, cradling his daughter in his arms.

"Nate?" she asked with a hoarse voice.

"Blair?" for a moment he looked so startled, nearly dropping the baby. Then a big grin spread over his face. "Welcome back. Oh man, Chuck is going to kill me!"

It was clear to Blair that Chuck had other things on his mind, then getting revenge on his best friend, when she spotted him in the doorway, smirking at her with tears in his eyes.

"Morning beautiful," he greeted her.

**

* * *

**

To be continued

**AN: **Alright, even though I had a lot of opportunities in this chapter I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger. I think that deserves me... hm... let's say 20 to 30 reviews? *bats eylashes*

Thank you reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	18. A Real Bitch

**Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.**

**AN: **You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews!

Special thanks as always to my fantastic beta Eileen!

And of course to Sandra who's letting me use the pieces she wrote for me, whenever I was stuck!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

* * *

**Way Back Into Love**

**Chapter 18: A Real Bitch**

"B?" A wave of blonde hair came rushing into the hospital room. "B?" Seeing her best friend awake and half sitting in bed had Serena overwhelmed with emotion. Tears welled up in her eyes as she placed a hand over her heart in an non-typical manner.

She fell down next to Blair, not caring that she was pushing Chuck aside in the process.

"You're really awake," she breathed out, somewhere between tears and laughter of joy.

Blair smiled at her warmly, still feeling pretty weak, but being close to her friend gave her some strength. She felt her own vision blur as Serena touched her face, feeling it like a blind person, as if to assure herself that this was real.

"Hi," the brunette laughed.

"Hey," her best friend responded, her cheeks drenched.

Falling into another fit of giggles and tears they hugged each other as tightly as possible. When they parted, Serena couldn't help but study Blair's face intensely, once again, needing to make sure she wasn't dreaming this.

"I was so scared," Serena admitted. "And I prayed – can you imagine? - I prayed every single day that you would be okay. I was so afraid I would never talk to you again."

"I was afraid, too," Blair said. "But everytime you showed up in my dreams it got a little bit brighter."

Serena embraced her again, sobbing into Blair's shoulder as the brunette softly stroked her hair.

"I'm so happy to have you back," Serena choked out after detaching herself from Blair a bit later, still holding her face between her hands.

In the euphoria of the moment Blair pecked her friend's lips briefly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, S."

And so the day passed, people rushing into Blair's room all day long, telling her how glad they were that she was awake.

It was already dark when Chuck was the only one left at her bed. She studied his right hand, which she was playing with, intensely.

"All day long people have been telling me how good it is that I'm on the road to recovery – which is a pretty big exaggeration if you ask me – but no one will tell me what was really going on."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Blair demanded. "What did I miss while I was out?"

She could see his mind working for a second, probably considering if he should tell her everything. Or reliving it for that brief moment.

"You died," he told her in a a voice devoid of emotion. "On your sixth day here, your heart had taken so much damage from the infection that it stopped."

Blair's mouth had formed a perfect 'O' as he continued.

"You had to be resuscitated," he went on. Now she could see how much it hurt him to even remember the details. "And then we – Serena had to make a decision how to proceed."

"Chuck, I-" Blair started an attempt to explain why she'd wanted Serena in charge, but Chuck silenced her by placing a finger on her lips.

"She choose right. That's all that matters," he exchanged his finger with his lips. "This has been quite a day, I think you should rest."

"I've been resting for the past ten days", she said dryly. "You on the other hand look like you've been awake the entire time."

"Something like that," he admitted.

"I'd offer to let you lie in bed with me, but I'm afraid it would mess up all of the tubes going in and out of my body," she laughed.

"I'm fine here," Chuck told her. "I slept the previous ten days on this chair, one more night won't kill me."

"There is no chance I can get you to leave tonight, is there?" she sighed.

"I'm afraid not," he told her placing a kiss on her lips, before he crossed his arms and rested his head on her bed.

Blair reached over to her nightstand, switching off the nightlight. Staring into the darkness of the room, her mind wandered. If she had died, she wouldn't even have been awake to say goodbye. So much she hadn't done yet, so many unresolved things came to her mind.

"Chuck?" she spoke into the dark.

She could feel him lifting his head off the mattress, "Yes?"

"I love you. If I had died, you would've known that, right?"

"Yes. And I love you, too," he kissed her wrist.

She couldn't help but cry as she spoke those next words. "Oh god, Chuck I don't want to die."

"And you won't," he told her.

"I only barley escaped death," Blair sobbed. "And just because I survived this infection doesn't mean I will survive cancer."

"Yes, you will," Chuck kept on insisting.

"You don't know that!" she exclaimed desperately. "I was already dead. I was dead, Chuck."

"And you came back," he told her softly.

"What if the next time I won't be as lucky?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking. "You know my prognosis. Chances I won't be alive in five years are about thirty percent."

"That's seventy percent that stand for you," he argued.

"What if I won't make it?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know," Chuck admitted. "But no matter what happens I will be there every step of the way."

Once Chuck was asleep Blair had time to let the shocking fact that the cancer had almost managed to kill her, or rather had killed her, if only for a few minutes, sink in. She stared ahead full of melancholy, sobbing quietly, when a nurse entered the room.

"Everything okay?" The young nurse asked worriedly.

Blair took a deep breath to compose herself, unsuccessfully trying to hide her tear stained face and nodded. "Do you think that it would be possible to get a bed for my husband?"

The nurse looked at the couple in front of her. She had been there the first night Blair had been admitted. She had seen how he had managed to calm her, when her patient had been caught in a feverish delirium, by only his presences. That moment she'd decided that she would – name aside – grant Chuck Bass as many privileges as possible, to be with the woman he loved.

* * *

Chuck eyes fluttered open, momentarily not knowing where he was. When he spotted a very amused Blair smiling from next to him, he remembered the last night.

"How the hell did I get into this bed?" he wondered, rolling onto his back and yawning loudly.

"You walked," she told him matter-of-factly. "But you were still half asleep, I didn't think you'd remember."

"I am aware that this mattress is a lot less comfortable then ours at home, but hell, I haven't slept this well in years!"

She laughed. "You haven't been awake for ten days in years. Or ever."

"Good morning Ms. Waldorf!" a resolute, vigorousnurse stepped in and supporting herself at the foot-board**.** "I'd like to get you up and into the bathroom."

Blair already nodded eagerly, wanting to get out of this damn bed desperately, when Chuck cut in. "Don't you think it's a bit soon for that?"

"Shut up, Chuck!" Blair answered instead of the nurse. "I've been lying in this bed for the past ten days, my muscles feels like jello. If I don't get up now, you can get me a room in a nursing home right away."

"Good attitude!" the nurse acknowledged while disconnecting the infusion.

"Can I get rid of that damn catheter soon?" Blair motioned to the tube between her legs.

"That will have to wait a few days," the nurse explained. "Till your mobile enough to go to the toilet by yourself."

The patient pouted in a annoyed manner.

"I could remove it now," the nurse smiled slightly. "But then you would have to use the bedpan for the next few days."

Pure horror appeared on Blair's face.

The nurse laughed dearly. "That's what I thought. Now come on. Let's start with you sitting on the edge of the bed."

Chuck had sat up in bed as well, watching the nurse helping Blair to sit up with professional motions. He could see how much Blair was struggling and how much strength it cost her. Quickly he stood up, going to her other side, so he could support her.

"No!" She stopped him decidedly. "I have to do this on my own."

Chuck smiled at her stubbornness. That was why he loved her. She smiled at him brightly when she'd reached her sitting position on the edge of the bed. He returned it.

"Alright," the nurse said, clapping her hands. "Now I want to move you into the wheelchair. You'll have to hold onto me for that, your leg musculature isn't nearly as strong as necessary."

Blair nodded eagerly, clearly excited she was allowed to leave the bed. Like instructed she slung her hands around the woman's neck, while the nurse stabilized her at her shoulders. In a see-saw like motion Blair came to sat down in the wheelchair.

"Well done," the nurse praised.

Blair was just about to answer, when a second later her body tension changed, she slumped down and her eyeballs rolled back in her head.

"What's happening?" Chuck panicked. "What is happening with her?"

"She's collapsing," the nurse explained, an annoyed 'crap' expression on her face. "Grab her legs, we have to get her back into bed."

Chuck obeyed the command, helping to lay Blair back down. The nurse immediately lifted the foot of the bed. About thirty seconds passed till Blair regained consciousness and her eyes focused again.

"Don't say it," she ordered as soon as she spotted Chuck.

"Say what?" he wondered.

"'I told you so," she grumbled, causing Chuck to chuckle silently.

"Alright," the nurse cut in. "Ms Waldorf you just won yourself a sponge-bath. Maybe Mr. Bass would like-"

"I'll do it," Chuck offered, a little to quickly.

"Of course you will," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "Pervert."

"I love you, too, Blair."

* * *

Exhausting. That was the only word that came to Blair's mind as she walked along the hallway supported by a wheeled walker. Three days had passed since her collapse, the first time she'd gotten out of bed. Four days since she had woken up. According to her physical therapist, she was making enormous progress and shouldn't be to hard on herself. Still she challenged herself every day. With the goal to get out of this hospital as soon as possible.

Today she'd planned the longest walk so far. It was a cliché, still she felt the need to go three floors down to look at the newborns. With a goal like that, she figured the exertion would pay off.

She longed for the more friendly decorated unit. She was sure to develop a full-on depression if she had to stare at the white walls of her room for one more day. Not to mention that she was bored out of her right mind. Ever since her life wasn't at ultimate threat anymore the number of people who visited her had dropped a bit.

Not that she was mad at them or anything. Blair of course understood that everyone – besides her apparently – had a life outside of this building. And she was doing better, for the time being. Still she regretted a bit that she had forced Chuck to the office a few hours earlier.

A smile appeared on her face as she had reached the window behind which the newborns slept. Well, some slept. Some were crying, others were just seeming to study their environment curiously, despite the fact that they hadn't developed proper sight yet.

One had to be pretty heartless not to melt away at the sight of those small creatures, she figured.

An all too familiar voice coming from a corridor to her right had her stomach turning inside out.

"Thank you so much," the voice said, "I'll see you next week then, doctor."

Thankful that she'd decided on a red wig for this trip she quickly turned away, as she heard the clicking of high heels coming closer. The reflection in the glass protecting the infants, confirmed her apprehension.

Valerie. Chuck's former mistress.

Blair's mind raced. What the hell was she doing here? Sure, this was a top medical hospital. But why in the world would she be on the floor specialized on OB-GYN?

A bad feeling washed over her as she walked along the hallway she'd seen Valerie come from. The name plate next to the door caught her eye.

_Howard Kurtz, MD_

After reading the name of Manhattan's most famous ob-gyn Blair couldn't keep her breakfast down. In the middle of the hallway she emptied her stomach.

* * *

It had become night when Chuck finally arrived back at the hospital. He'd actually planned on staying just a few hours at Bass Industries this morning, just working through the necessities. But it had turned out just the necessary was still a load of work, since he hadn't been properly been to his office during the time Blair had been at the hospital.

He saw Blair working on her laptop when he entered her room. She quickly shut it closed as she spotted him in the doorway.

"Hey," he greeted her, leaning down to kiss her.

Just before his lips touched hers, she turned her head, so he only met her cheek.

"Puke breathe," she explained quickly. "I wasn't feeling to well this afternoon."

"The nurse said so," he nodded, accepting her excuse. "I told you, you were overdoing it with the exercise."

"I think it's the new chemo protocol that's giving me a hard time," she forced a smile. "Everything alright at the office? You were gone quite some time."

"Just a lot to catch up on," he said, studying her carefully. Something was off. Definitely.

He loosened his tie, jerked of his jacket and shoes before he climbed into his side of the pushed together hospital beds. He rolled onto his side so he was facing her.

"Is something bothering you, Blair?"

She hesitated. He could see it. Her mind obviously working, if she should cut to the chase.

Blair shook her head. "I guess I just have too much time to think, when I'm lying here all day long. Forget it. I don't want us to fight."

"What is this about?" he asked softly.

"I'm being overemotional. Let's just go to sleep," with that she rolled onto her side, switching off the light, her back facing him.

"Is this about my behavior in the past?" he felt his way carefully.

"Good night, Chuck," the edge in her voice told him that he was right.

"About the other women? About _her_," he kept on interrogating.

He shifted closer to her, his arm going around her waist. "They- She meant nothing Blair. It was just the cheapest way to hurt you. I love you."

"I'm just wondering," she admitted, her voice shaking. "You wanted her to live with us. You must have cared for her on some level."

"Not at all. She was just something to piss you off," he explained.

"It worked," her tone grew hard. "That day I relapsed for the first time in five months."

Chuck was quiet. What devil must've been within him, to hurt the only woman he ever loved so much. "I'm sorry."

"The day, she was with you having lunch-"

"I told you what that was about!" he cut into her sentence.

Ignoring his interruption she continued, "She said she had been at the apartment the week before. Was that true?"

His mind began to race. How much would the truth hurt her in her vulnerable state of mind? Still, how much would it hurt her and them if she would find out the truth later?

"Yes," he admitted, pulling her closer as if he had to stop her from running away. He wouldn't blame her if she did.

"I see."

"It was the night, Mike told me that you were in Europe together with Jack," he continued. "I was hurting and-"

"Did you sleep with her?"

No more lies, he told himself. If they wanted this relationship to work they had to be honest.

"Yes, I did."

"And then?"

"The next morning I told her to fuck off and didn't hear from her until she told me that she knew about the cancer."

She lay still, needing time to let this new information sink in.

"I'm really sorry, Blair. For everything."

"You're here now," she said, turning in his arms so that they were facing each other, searching his eyes in the darkness of the room. "That's all that matters."

* * *

Blair had regretted the choice of their meeting point the second she had left the hospital. Even though it was mid-April, weather wise there was no sign of spring. The climate was raw. Just this morning there had been sleet and through the day it hadn't gotten any more comfortable.

But really? Weather was her least problem right now. Her mind was racing.

She had lied last night. Him being here wasn't all what mattered. It maybe helped, yes, but the possibility that _that_ woman might be carrying Chuck's child was making her sick all over again.

She'd done the math. Yes, it was possible. The night Chuck had been with her, was the night after she'd had the surgery. Three weeks later she had started chemo. Four rounds til now. Once every three weeks.

If her fears were true, she had to be about ten weeks along. Which also explained why she hadn't looked pregnant yet. It would be another few weeks before she started showing.

But, maybe the whore had been there for different reasons. Who knew? And if she was pregnant why hadn't she shown up at Chuck's door immediately? Blair would expect her to squeeze every loose cent out of Chuck, if this was really his child.

Blair held onto that last small stray of hope with all her might. Anything else was unacceptable. No matter how strong she and Chuck were going now, it was impossible for them to survive something like that.

She couldn't lose him. He was her strength. Solid as a rock, when she couldn't be. She needed him, no matter what.

It was her fault, if that woman was really expecting, it was Blair's fault. If she hadn't made Mike tell Chuck false information, that she knew would drive him further away from her, he wouldn't have slept with her that night.

No use to cry over spilt milk, she had told Chuck. And she wouldn't. At least not until she was sure.

"Have you lost your mind, B?" Serena scolding voice brought her back to reality. "One cardiac arrest a month isn't enough for you?"

"What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" Blair asked as the blonde took off her coat putting around her.

"I met one of your nurses who was just on her way home, she said she saw you going in this direction. But the more important question is what are _you_ doing out here?"

"I'm meeting someone," Blair said curtly.

"Well you're going to have to meet that someone inside," Serena decided, trying to pull Blair towards the entrance, by grabbing her wheeled walker.

"No," was Blair's simple answer as she let go off the handles and walked, with a unsteady but decided pose, in the opposite direction.

"Blair," Serena sighed in an irritated manner, pushing the walking aid back in front of her friend. "Care to tell me what's going on?"

"No."

"Who are you meeting? And why out here?"

"Chuck can't know," Blair answered and demanded at the same time.

"Can't know what?" Serena looked at her friend worriedly.

"You have to promise," she couldn't help but her voice being on an edge. "Chuck can't know about this."

"You're starting to scare me, B."

Blair looked at her expectantly, still waiting for the requested words.

Serena quickly nodded. "Of course, if you don't want me too. I promise."

"I'm meeting Mike," Blair admitted.

"Chuck's PI?" Serena sported a confused expression. "Why?"

She inhaled the cool air before responding. "It's possible that _the whore_ is pregnant. I'll give you one guess on the happy father-to-be."

"Oh my god." Even Serena had turned pale, at those news. "What happened? When..."

"The night after the surgery. When I bribed Mike into telling Chuck I was with Jack."

"And now?" Serena wondered. "Did she blackmail you? What did she say?"

"I haven't talked to her yet I just saw her leaving Dr. Kurtz office."

The blonde had both eyebrow's raised. "That's it?"

"What do you mean, that's it? I think that's quite a lot to take in, when you're heart just stopped a week ago," she huffed.

"You're such a drama-queen, B," Serena said, amusement playing on her face. "She could've been there for a whole different reason!"

"At the very best OB-GYN in Manhattan?"

"Maybe she's screwing with him," she suggested with a shrug.

"I'm afraid not." A voice caused both women to turn around.

Silently the PI held a file out to Blair, who took hold of it immediately, studying the containing. It didn't take her long to see the information she was looking for.

"Fuck," was all she said, flipping the folder shut.

* * *

Chuck didn't know what hit him when the door to conference room slammed open and Blair burst in. The business associates sitting in front of his desk turned around as well, looking bewildered at the former Mrs. Bass looking that dissolved.

"I need to talk to you!" Blair insisted, supporting herself on the door frame, trying readjust her breathing.

"Gentlemen, if you'd excuse me," he rushed towards her. With an arm around her waist he supported her as good as possible while he walked her to his office.

One the first available armchair he sat her down, kneeling down next to her. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I can't lose you," she exclaimed, getting a tight hold of his hands.

"No offense, Blair but you're the one with cancer," an amused expression crossed his face.

"Only one more reason why I can't have you leaving me.."

"Why would I go anywhere?" His confusion and worry grew by the second. She was making no sense. Something horrible must have happened.

"Yesterday, I made a walk to the newborn unit of the hospital," she started.

"Blair," he interrupted her, understanding now. So that was what this was about. "No matter how important kids may be to me, I wouldn't leave you just because you don't want any."

"I may be emotional at the moment, but I'm not a hysteric," she rolled her eyes before continuing. "I saw _her_, Chuck. She was leaving the office of Dr. Kurtz."

He looked at her confused, before she continued. "The OB-GYN."

Now understanding finally dawned upon him.

"I immediately contacted Mike and he confirmed it. She's ten weeks pregnant."

"Blair," Chuck tried to cut into her sentences, but she wouldn't let him.

"No, please don't," Blair freed herself of him, stood up and began pacing in the office. "I should've been prepared for something like this. This is the universe punishing me. Punishing me for the abortion."

"Karma's a real bitch, isn't it?" The voice from the door had Chuck and Blair swirling around.

Valerie Molane. In all her glory.

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To be continued

**AN: **I figured it has been some time since I ended with a cliffhanger. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. If so, please review. If you didn't, do anyway and tell me!

Although I'm not known for updating all that frequently, I promise you the next chapter will be up within the next days.

PS Anyone who caught the reference in the end of this chapter?


	19. Priorities

**Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.**

**AN: **Thank you once again for all the amazing reviews! I hope you enjoy the resolving I choose in this chapter!

Special thanks to my great beta Eileen. She was the one to give me the crucial idea on how to resolve the Valerie plot. I'd be seriously lost without you, darling! *hugs*

Last but not least of course thank you to Sandra! (I think it's about time you kick my ass, because I can't seem to get any writing done!)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

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Way Back Into Love

**Chapter 19: Priorities**

Valerie stalked into the room, eying Blair like she was her prey. "Not even I'm dishonest enough to tell you that you don't look like shit. But considering the lack of hair and boob, it's probably the best you can do, right?"

Chuck planted himself protectively in front of Blair, facing Valerie. "What do you want?"

The blonde smirked mockingly, fishing a sonogram print out of her purse. "To congratulate you. _Daddy_." The fake smile grew even wider when she turned to Blair. "Sorry, you had to find out on your own. I would have loved to break the news to you myself."

"Let's cut to the chase," Blair snapped back, taking Chuck's checkbook from the desk. "How much?"

"I'm offended really," Valerie mocked. "What do you expect me to do with that money, anyway? Get rid of it? Not everyone has the airy indifference to kill a baby, B."

Chuck's arm shot out by instinct to hold Blair back from scratching Valerie's eyes out. She was not worth it.

"Already protective of your offspring?" Val rested both of her hands on either side of her belly."I really appreciate that, darling."

"Get to the point, Val," Chuck demanded.

"Ever the business man," she laughed. "I don't want money. I figured with Blair here unwilling to give you a child and practically barren at this point, you'd welcome the chance to see your child grow up."

Chuck studied her silently, encouraging her to go on with his eyes. He was very aware of Blair next to him, jumping back and forth between rage and horror.

"I want my child to know you. The father should be a part of this pregnancy and the baby's life."

"I agree," Chuck stated in a calm voice, feeling Blair tense at his side. To reassure her, he briefly squeezed her hand before going on. "So I suggest you go and find the father. Because it's not me."

"As adorable as it is to watch you try to protect your doomed ex-wife's feelings, you are the father, darling. The date of conception matches the night we spent together at the Empire."

"That may be, but it's not mine," Chuck was completely relaxed as he walked to the bar to pour himself a scotch. "It's not possible."

"Because you used a condom?" Valerie sneered. "I'd really expect you to know that those aren't always effective."

Chuck sat down on the couch as he took a sip of the scotch. "I tend to believe they are combined with a vasectomy."

As Val's face blanched, he could see Blair looking completely stunned out of the corner of his eye. Now there would be yet another talk they would need to have.

"You're bluffing!" Val accused.

He didn't answer, but took another sip of scotch, which made her even angrier.

"As long as I've known you, you were always complaining about the fact that _she_ didn't want children," Valerie exploded pointing at Blair. "Once you were so drunk you were nearly in tears because she had that fucking abortion! There's no way in hell you'd get a vasectomy."

"What do you want, Valerie? My medical record prove that I'm telling the truth?" he replied calmly. "We can even do an DNA test if you want. It's not mine."

At his conviction he could hear Blair breathe a sigh of relief. He wanted to go over to her and explain her all about his actions, but he kept his focus on the blonde in front of him. "So, I suggest you go on to the next poor fellow on your blackmail list and scratch me off."

Fury burned in Valerie's eyes, as she stuffed the picture back into her handbag. "This isn't-"

"It's over Val," Chuck said. "It's about time that you get out of our lives!"

The raging blonde spun around, halfway out of the office when Chuck called after her. "I would think twice before you spend more than a moment on revenge. You have child to think of now. The kid is punished with a mother like you as it is, wouldn't want to have it grow up with a mother in prison."

"We'll send security after you." Blair placed both of her hands on Chuck's shoulders smiling sweetly at her enemy. "Just to make sure you find your way out."

* * *

Chuck closed the door behind the security escorting _the whore_ out. Blair watched him, from behind the desk where she had sat down. He faced the door for several moments. She knew he was trying to avoid the uncomfortable conversation that was ahead of them, and – god – she did too.

Walking up behind him, she put both of her hands on his upper arms, resting her forehead between his shoulder blades. He covered her hands with his ,squeezing them softly.

"It's over," he told her. "She's gone."

Even though her eyes stayed dry, she couldn't help the sob that escaped her lips at his statement. For almost two years now that woman had been messing up their lives. She felt like a ton had been lifted off her back. It was almost hard to believe that it was really over now.

"I'm sorry," she exclaimed, causing him to turn around in her arms.

"Unless you had an affair with her as well, you have nothing to be sorry for," he said, framing her face with his hands.

"That's not it," she shook her head, hiding her face at his collar.

"What _are _you apologizing for, then?"

"I should've at least talked to you before I terminated the pregnancy," Blair acknowledged, not able to look at him..

Chuck grip on her grew a bit looser as he let her continue.

"I just didn't know... I didn't care how much it hurt you," finally she found the courage to search his eyes, surprised when she didn't meet the find anger.

"I've been replaying the events of _that _day so many times," he admitted. "It took me a while to realize that I wasn't mad at you for not involving me in your decision or actually going through with it."

"But?"

"I was angry, because you made the right decision. Using a child to fix our marriage would've been wrong. You were right."

Uneasy she lifted her gaze to meet his eyes. "Was I?"

"It's water under the bridge, Blair." Placing his hand on the nape of her neck he pulled her close for a deep kiss.

"Is it?" Her forehead rested on his. "I always knew that your one burning desire was a child. Maybe I'm not the right woman for you if I wasn't wiling to give you that."

"Your are my burning desire, Blair," he told her with sincere eyes. "I was a free agent. If I would have wanted a baby so much nobody was stopping me to leave you."

"But you didn't," she said, almost shyly.

"I didn't. Because I love you."

"I don't deserve you."

"Well I guess that makes two of us." He leaned in for yet another kiss. She met him eagerly by parting her lips for him, granting him access.

"I love you," she mumbled into his mouth, while responding keenly to his kisses.

"Love you more."

"So," Blair was the one to break their making out session, pushing him away and detaching herself from his mouth, asking the question that had been burning on the tip of her tongue for the last ten minutes. "Vasectomy, huh?"

A startled expression crossed his face, before he nodded, returning her grin. "Yes."

"I hate to say it … no that's not really true … this time you owe me an explanation."

Chuck ran a hand through his hair, clearly looking for a way to justify his actions to her.

"I was so hurt after the abortion that I wanted a way to repay you," Chuck started explaining. "I did it to torture you."

"By cutting your spermatic cords?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "I think you have definitely lost your touch."

"I stored some sperm," he said, clearly afraid to meet her eyes. "I thought that if you ever changed your mind about having kids, this time you'd be the one to beg me for it."

"We're pretty fucked up, aren't we?"

Meeting the others eyes they both immediately into a unstoppable laughing fit. Whenever they had calmed down a bit, looking at each other had them snorting with laughter again.

"Yeah we are quite messed up," he admitted finally.

"Still, do you realize that this is the first scheme that worked out well for both of us in the end?" she asked, a smile on her face.

"More luck than judgment, I'd say," he chuckled. Concern appeared on his face as he studied her fragile frame, noticing that she looked exhausted. Understandably after the day she just had – the year really. "I think we should really get you back to the hospital."

"I was actually considering, not going back," she admitted, moving her hand through his hair.

"Well, you better abandon that consideration immediately," he decided for her.

Blair looked to the floor. The idea of that sterile, cold building had her cringing. As unpleasant as the reason for her present leave of absences hat been, it had been nice to see what was going on in the real world for a change.

"I'll have to make sure that you actually get back, don't I?"

She readjusted his blazer. "You have a meeting to attend to."

He pecked her lips. "I have priorities."

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To be continued

**AN: **I do realize that this chapter is a lot shorter than my usual work, but I figure the fact that Chuck's mistress is gone now, should earn me a few bonus points!

Reviews are loved!


	20. Idiot

**Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.**

**AN: **Big thank you to the amazing Eileen for her – as always fantastic - beta work!

I also want to thank Sandra (Stella296) for writing the flashback for me. (You may think it lacks tension, I still love it!)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.

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Way Back Into Love

**Chapter 20: Idiot**

Blair was positively glowing as she emptied the closet and nightstand of her personal things. Two more hours and she would make it. She would finally be released from the hospital today. As terrific as that fact alone was, it wasn't the only reason why she was in a chipper mode. She had everything packed up, was properly dressed, and her last MRI scan had shown that her heart had recovered almost completely from the infection. Still none of that could over trump the actual reason for her good mood.

After three and half nerve-wracking months, today was finally the day of her – drum roll please – last chemo. One more time and that whole nightmare would be over. She felt like throwing her arms up and squealing in joy. For a short moment she actual considered doing so, in retrospect thankful she didn't when Hannah appeared in the door way.

"You seem in a jovial mood today," the elder woman commented on Blair basically dancing through the room.

"Hannah!" she greeted .

"Day of last chemo, huh?" Hannah laughed, sitting down on the made up bed.

Blair sat down next to her nodding happily. "How did you know?"

"I don't think I've ever seen you smiling this much."

"I feel like I haven't smiled that much in the last five years," Blair admitted.

"They told me that you had a pretty tough time," Hannah said. "Last time I was here you were barley conscious. Are you alright?"

"You mean dying and everything?" Blair smiled. "Yes, I got over it."

"I'm glad to see you so light-hearted," Hannah pulled an envelope from her clutch, handing it to Blair. "So I don't need to feel bad about being so euphoric about my news."

"What news?" Blair wondered studying the presented suspiciously.

"My husband and I want to renew our vows next month, I was hoping you would come."

"Of course I will!" Blair exclaimed. "It sounds really romantic! Your husband came up with it?"

She nodded holding out her hand, "Yes. A whole new proposal. Ring and everything."

"It's gorgeous!" she admired, her expert eye recognizing the caratage immediately and involuntary realizing how empty her own ring finger felt.

"Will you bring your significant other?" Hannah questioned and deliberately hesitated before the last two words.

"I'm sure my husband be thrilled to accompany me," Blair stated simply.

"I'm sorry, but have I missed out on something?" she frowned. "I thought you were divorced."

"Lawfully yes," the younger woman admitted. "But we're together. I guess I never felt like I wasn't married to him. I've always loved him."

"What happened?" Hannah made herself comfortable on the chair.

"Ever seen 'War of the Roses'?"

Her eyebrows raised. "That bad?"

"Minus the chandelier," Blair said dryly. "Although it was a close call."

"And then?"

"I got sick and that brought us back together," Blair finished her telling.

Hannah pursed her lips, a skeptical expression on her face.

"You think I'm making a mistake," Blair caught the change in her friends mood. "If it wasn't for me being sick we would still be at war. I can't tell you how many time I asked myself if you can build a relationship on cancer."

"Blair I don't mean to bring you down, I know you're really happy that you will be finishing treatment today-"

"But?"

"But I've been happy to finish treatment three times in the last four years. Cancer can be terribly devious. Sneaking up on you from behind when you least expect it."

"I hope this has more behind it but ruining my good mood," she snarled.

"Are you happy, Blair?"

The corners of her mouth went up instantly. "I haven't been that happy since the summer before college when we first started dating."

"Well, then maybe you should see it as the one good thing cancer brought to you."

* * *

"Who knew all you had to do to occupy center stage was die?" Blair did final touches on her make-up, applying her favorite lipstick.

Chuck – already done and ready to go – watched her from the couch in the bedroom. "I'll tell you when bragging about dying start's to get annoying, alright?"

She popped her head out of the bathroom. "Jealous of all the attention I'm getting?" She went back inside, reaching for her necklace, before going to Chuck holding the jewel out to him. "Would you be kind enough?"

"The Dior? Isn't that a bit much for a simple family dinner?" he wondered, putting the ornament on her anyway, finishing with a kiss on her nape.

"I think it goes with the evening gown," she shrugged, admiring herself in the full-length mirror. She swirled around in front of it, the skirt of her dress shimmering and flowing in a divine way. "How do I look?"

"Ravishing!" he smirked, eying her like he was considering tossing her down on their bed and doing just that.

That plan in mind he closed his arms around her waist pulling her tight. It had been about a month since the last time they'd slept together. Way too long for his liking. First there had been the medical issues of course and then the idea of sex in hospital bed's hadn't really appealed to either of them. For the last six days Blair had struggled with side effects once again and today seemed to be the first day she actually felt – with the help of a tiny bit of pot this afternoon – good.

"Don't even dare to think it!" she warned. "It took me half an hour to adjust this damn wig, in a way that wouldn't make me look like a drag queen!"

"I don't like items that prevent me from touching you," Chuck said his hands sliding lower on her along her back. "Why not just wear a scarf? You say those are more comfortable anyway."

"This is about looking good, not comfort," she closed her eyes as his lips made their way along her jaw line and his fingertips caressed her spine. It took all of her willpower to detach herself from him. "I'm not showing up there like I've just been fucked."

"It's just a family dinner!" he repeated, not even bothering to hide his frustration. "Half of the people there have seen you in far less appropriate ways."

"It's way more than that," she corrected him. "For the first time in the last month I don't feel like I've slept under a train. I look amazing and I actually look forward to seeing everyone! … Even the Humphreys. I think this is the first family dinner in about three years I'm going to enjoy. Please don't ruin it for me."

Still sulking a bit he embraced her one more time. "Still can't believe it."

"What?" she peeled his hands off her rear, giving him a scolding look. "That we attend a dinner that is not going to end with me aiming towards your head? Because your pushing your luck here."

"No, that you actually consider the Humphrey's family," he smiled smugly, giving her ass a firm squeeze.

"Behave yourself!" she freed herself off his arms, pecking his lips. "I'll make it up to you later!"

"You know what I think?" Chuck started as they made their way to the hallway, stopping at the coat closet.

"What?"

"It's a bit excessive that Eleanor, Harold _and_ your stepfathers are only flying in for this evening," he decided.

"Says the man who once flew all the way to London to buy a pair of socks?" Gladly she slipped into the coat he held up for her, reaching for her purse. "Is poor orphan boy jealous that his stepmother wasn't pausing her spa trip for his last birthday?"

He placed a hand of the small of her back, leading her into the elevator. "We'll see if you can make it through the first course without speaking to the poor orphan boy. Have fun only speaking to Eleanor."

* * *

The first half of the night went by pretty uneventfully. The food was delicious, conversation pleasant and Blair enjoyed herself to no end. Even Chuck had a good time once he had overcome his blue balls, in part because of some certain actions she'd taken in the limo ride over to the Humphrey/Van der Woodsen apartment.

In a silent moment after dessert, everyone followed Rufus and Lily to admire the latest artwork, while Nate and Jenny asked Chuck and Blair for a private word in the sitting room.

"You guy's are acting quite serious," Chuck stated, sitting down next to Blair, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"There's something we wanted to ask you," Jenny started out, the nervous way in which she fidgeted with her armlet not lost on Blair.

"We've been talking about it for quite some time and at times we were doubting if we should ask you at all," Nate continued for his wife.

"Is this a marriage proposal or are you asking us to go swinging with you?" Blair wondered out loud, causing Chuck to smirk.

"Guys!" Jenny said. "This is serious."

"Maybe they're breaking up with us?" Chuck suggested.

Noticing the disappointment on Jenny's face, Blair decided to knock it off, apparently this was really important to them.

"What is it?" she wanted to know, before assuring. "I'm all ears."

"We wanted to ask you to be Victoria's godparents," Jenny finally announced.

The brunette was pretty sure that the expression on Chuck's and her face was priceless, as they sat there gaping at their friends. She was confirmed in her assumption when Nate muttered. "Wow, Kodak moment."

The dark haired man was the first one to press out a word. "Us?" he asked, earning a confirming nod from Nate and Jenny.

"Don't you think that maybe Serena and Dan would be more appropriate? You know, like actual family?" Blair made a suggestion, realizing how lame this had to sound.

"You guys are family," Jenny said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"But... us?" Chuck couldn't seem understand.

"We thought about it for a long time," Nate laughed. "We're sure. We think that she would be lucky to have you guys as her godparents and maybe it would be good for you to have her in your lives."

"Now I get what this is all about," Blair raised her chin in an aggressive manner. "It's the latest charity to distract poor, sick me from the fact that I might be dying, isn't it?"

"Get over yourself!" Jenny replied, her tone just as sharp as Blair's. "I don't think I like either of you enough for that half of the time."

"You just said we were family," Chuck started at his best friend's wife dumbfounded.

"Well duh," Jenny rolled her eyes. "People don't necessary like their family all the time. Try to keep up, Chuck!"

"So?" Nate demanded. "Yes or No?"

"I just don't get why you would want us," Blair shrugged unsure. "Granted this is the Upper East Side, but still there must be better role models available then us."

"Exemplary function is overrated." Nate answered.

"You say that now," Chuck said dryly. "When Victoria decides to rule her kindergarten class and starts scheming one day, I bet you'll talk differently."

"She might just get that from me," Jenny threw in before her husband continued.

"Listen we know you guys may not be the perfect godparents, but we also know that when it comes to the people you love you both are loyal to no end. And that's why we want you to have a permanent part in Victoria's life."

Blair looked at Chuck doubtfully. Were they really willing and most of all ready to take care of another human being like that, when their own relationship was still in early stages of development. Sure, the Archibald's hadn't asked them to adopt her, but being Godparents was still quite the responsibility. Weren't they – as Godparents - supposed to raise the child if something happened to Nate and Jenny?

Seeing the indecision on both Blair's and Chuck's face, Jenny got up from the couch, walking over too the window were her daughter lay in the bassinet. "I think we need your help convincing those two stubborn jerks," she cooed lifting the baby into her arms. A devious expression crossing her face she walked straight towards Chuck.

Even Blair had to stifle a laugh when she saw how panicked Chuck looked as Jenny leaned down to put the baby in his arms.

"Just support the head and you'll be fine!" Nate advised, smirking at how awkward his friend looked, the tiny pink bundle in his arms, not knowing that is was about to get weirder.

Blair did a double take as he started to dandle the baby and doing baby talk. "Well, aren't you the cutest little thing?"

"If he start's doing peek-a-boo get the camera," Nate muttered.

Unable to resist any longer, Blair leaned over Chuck's shoulder, studying all the little smiles and burbles he received from the baby girl. The corners of her lips involuntary went up a bit. It was a odd image for sure. Both of them dressed in dark Couture cradling and fuzzing over Victoria who was all just wearing pink, but unmistakable completely in love with her.

"I guess we have our answer," Jenny said pleased with herself.

* * *

Chuck was worried when he made his way home. Blair and he had wanted to meet for dinner tonight. When he had left the apartment in the morning everything had been alright. She had been happy that they had reservations at her favorite restaurant and had planned on using the day to glam herself up for tonight. Then, sometime around late afternoon a text had popped up on his cell.

"_Canceled reservations. Not feeling well. See you at home."_

He had been worried, but he hadn't been prepared for the sight before him when he arrived home. Blair was sprawled across the bed, fully dressed, her eyes barley opening as he entered the room. She hadn't even put the covers over herself. Chuck was by her side in a second.

"What's wrong Blair?"

"I forgot today was day ten after chemo," she murmured, her eyes still closed.

Chuck suppressed the urge to palm face himself. Day ten - of course. It had happened to her once or twice before. On day ten after the chemo infusion, the white blood cell count of patients was evidential at its bottom and sometimes the organism surrendered at that.

"It's okay. Not that bad," Blair tried to trivialize. "Will all blow over till tomorrow morning."

Chuck smiled at her for the try to reassure him. They both knew very well that it wouldn't be over by the morning. That sort of chemo hangover lasted for thirty six hours. Night, then day, then night again. Not more, not less.

Carefully he slipped his hands beneath her body. Even though his movements very slow and cautious, she winced a few times as he changed her into a proper position on the bed. Kissing her forehead he finished by placing the covers over her body.

Chuck sat against the headboard, with Blair resting her head in his lap. He caressed her face, giving her a gentle massage to the temples, hoping to ease the headache. Finally she fell into a restless sleep, as he stayed up a bit longer, trying to calm her as she kept tossing and turning. He studied a business report until close to midnight, when his eyes were unable to stay open any longer.

A fingernail was poking into his chest waking him up rather suddenly. "I'm hungry."

"Then tell the maid to fix you breakfast," he replied not even opening an eye. "That's what I hired the help for!"

"She won't be here for another hour," she hit him with a pillow. "Would you get your ass up to get your seriously ill wife a damn yogurt?"

"You're not my wife, you're a pain in the ass," he muttered, not wanting to be so touchy, but still unable to help it after the restless night that lay behind them. He was terribly sleep deprived. By the time he'd woken up, she'd moved around so much in her sleep, none of the sheets corners were still tucked under the mattress. And the night hadn't been better. He knew of course that she hadn't done it to spite him, but simply because she was fucking miserable. During the night he had been woken by her whimpers a few times, while she had been curled up, clutching her head because of the massive headaches.

Groaning Chuck got out of bed, heading towards the kitchen. He didn't mean to treat her so vile this morning, he was just terribly sleep deprived.

"I feel like crap," she said, sounding pitiable, as he returned to the bedroom.

"It'll pass soon," he assured her, gliding back into bed, handing her the food. "And after you come through it this time it's over for good."

Her face lightened up, realizing that he was right. "You're right, those are probably the last few hours of chemo side effects I'll have."

"Enjoy it while it lasts, because once you feel better you will be done bossing me around," Chuck smirked.

"I'll never be done bossing you around, darling!"

* * *

"I'm not so sure this was a good idea," Blair rushed nervously through the apartment. "Seriously, what do we even know about babies?"

Chuck watched her amused from the the dining table, still enjoying his after-dinner-scotch, as she paced around making sure the apartment was child proof. Which it of course wasn't - but he didn't even dare to think of telling her that – since it was a typical home owned by a childless couple. Sterile atmosphere combined with lots of expensive, very brittle art.

"Don't give me that smug look!" Blair warned. "I want us to bond with our goddaughter, I'm just worried we might kill her while doing so."

"I think we will manage to keep her alive for the two hours Nate and Jenny are at the show," Chuck stood up, taking the antic Greek vase from her hand she'd just been trying to find a safe place for.

He put the vase back in to its origin on the windowsill, her protest following him. "She could get a hold of that and it could drop on her head!"

"She's not even crawling yet," he rationalized, leading Blair to the couch and sitting her down on it. "She's not going to reach it unless you hand it to her to play with. Even then I'm not even sure she could hold it in her hands."

Blair sunk onto her favorite armchair, gladly accepting the drink Chuck handed her. "I've gone a little crazy, haven't I?"

"You are a control obsessed perfectionist," he sat down on the armrest and gave her a kiss after clinking their glasses together. "And I love you for it."

_"Blair? BLAIR! What the hell?"  
"What is it, darling?"  
"What is this mess! Was there a reason for you to empty my whole closet?"  
"Yes, I wanted to organize it. By color and designer."  
"Nobody asked you to do that."  
"Gee, don't be thankful or anything."  
"Ever since you gave up that job all your doing is worthless, stressful stunts like this. Now I have to go through three hundred suits to find the one I wanted to get alternated by my tailor!"  
"I can look for it."  
"Thanks, I'd rather do it myself. _You_ did enough."  
"Don't be so mean."  
"Mean? What are you eight? And I am not, I'm honest."  
"Well I'm sorry to be such a burden to you."  
"Start to be sorry by not being one."_

_"..."_

_"Where are you going?"  
__"Maybe I'll go puke! That would be one meaningful thing I could do with my day."  
"Blair!"  
"Leave me the fuck alone."_

Dorota appeared in the door, a smile on her face as she saw her employers in such an dearly embrace. "Ms. Blair, Mr. Chuck, the Archibalds are here."

"No, backing out, now," Chuck said to Blair, after telling Dorota to lead them to the living room.

He held out his hand to her, as she got up from the armchair. "Let's go Aunt B."

She cringed at the word aunt, causing him to chuckle. Aunt wasn't a word she associated with a positive image.

"Whatever you say Uncle Chuck," she shot back, knowing very well that he didn't have the best connections to the word Uncle as well. Victoria would have to settle on calling them by their first names.

When they arrived in the sitting room, Jenny and Nate were already waiting for them, carriage, diaper bag and of course baby in hand. The women greeted each other with a brief hug, while Chuck and Nate settled for a handshake.

Jenny had handed all items she had on herself - including baby - over to Blair before she had even finished greeting her, taking the brunette completely by surprise.

"Why don't we sit down," Chuck offered, gesturing towards the siting area, noticing that the young parents hadn't even taken off their coats yet. "Have a drink?"

"We are in kind of a rush," Nate said a little too quickly, his wife basically glued to him. "The show starts in ten minutes."

They both placed a kiss on their daughter who napped in Blair's arms, before escaping to the door. Jenny turned around one last time filling them in on the basics in five sentences, halfway being pulled outside by her husband. "She just ate. I put some milk in the bag if she's hungry anyway. If she cries it's probably for the diaper or because she's tired. The comforter is also in the bag. Bye!"

Completely overwhelmed Blair and Chuck stared at each other. Not sure what had just happened.

"Weird Broadway show that starts at 7:35," Blair noted.

Chuck put his arms around her, leaning over his goddaughter. "I would bet any money that you parents are practicing, so you don't stay an only child."

"Don't corrupt the child!" Blair demanded, seriously considering to cover the baby ears.

"But that's what godparents are for," Chuck argued. "She has her parents to be political correct."

"So what, in ten year's you'll hand her a joint, a bottle of scotch and a few condoms and leave her parents to deal with the consequences?" Blair sat down on the couch, dandling Victoria as she grew a bit uneasy.

"I don't know any better," Chuck shrugged, sitting next to her. "Jack was my Godfather."

"I rest my case," she flicked her tongue, before bringing her attention once again to the baby in her arms. "Or what do you think sweetie?"

The only answer she received was a burble followed by several loud wails. "See, she disagrees with you. She wants to be corrupted by me," Chuck said.

Blair gave him a warning look and then tried again to get her goddaughter to calm down. She changed the girls position in her arms, lifting her up so the baby could look over her shoulder. That action was well received. The crying changed into soft whimpers and finally stopped completely, as she started to explore the unknown environment with bright blue eyes.

Within half an hour the usual overly tidy, almost sterile living room, had turned into a messy nursery as Chuck and Blair did their best to keep Victoria entertained. As it turned out, after all her possible needs were satisfied the baby got bored very, very easily. Especially if she noticed that she wasn't one hundred percent the center of attention.

Normally both of them would've cringed at the thought of having their clothes ruined by drool or spit of an infant, still right now they were busy with fuzzing over the baby.

Chuck studied Blair as she held Victoria – who only barley managed to hold her eyes open – looking down at her lovingly. His ex-wife caught his gaze.

"You really enjoy this, don't you?" Blair said amused.

"What?"

"Playing house."

"I can't help it," he leaned over to kiss first Victoria's forehead, then Blair's lips. "It's just gorgeous."

Ignoring Chuck's comment, Blair smiled as the baby squirmed in her arms, the little mouth opening and aiming in the direction of her chest in order to find something to latch on. "You might be lucky with the other one, sweetheart, but you definitely won't find anything there."

She could feel Chuck searching her eyes carefully, when she remained concentrating on Victoria. "Don't worry, I won't burst into a flood of tears," was her only comment. It was sort of sweet and understandable that he was worried, in consideration what her last reaction to breast feeding had been. Regardless, she didn't want him walking on eggshells, just because she lacked a breast. She had come to accept it. More or less.

"Am I wrong or is this the first time there is a child in our apartment?" Chuck wondered out loud, causing Blair to laugh, before a serious expression crossed her face for just about a second.

He looked her in the eye, placing arms around her waist so that he could pull her tight. "What's on your mind, B?"

"I was just thinking... if a vasectomy is reversible?"

At that question his eyes shined in a way she hadn't seen it in years. "Are you serious?"

"I'm not promising anything, Chuck," she told him honestly. "At least not while I'm still in recovery, but after that... I think it would be something very worth considering."

"Who knew all it would take to get you there were a divorce, cancer and a cardiac arrest," he beamed at her, earning a smack on his chest, but his smile got even brighter as he leaned in to kiss her.

* * *

He obviously didn't consider it and he definitely didn't mean for it to happen, knowing Blair would be anything but amused. A fear that proved to be serious now that he saw the look on her face. Still what was done, was done. Spontaneously they had decided to start their lazy Sunday with a quickie. She'd been riding him for all he was worth, just leaning down to kiss him, when caught up in the heat of the moment he had yanked the cap off her head.

She'd immediately stopped her movements, looking at him shocked, then furious. Clearly thinking he'd done it deliberately. Angrily she reached for her cap and he was just about to tell her it was by accident, when he saw it.

"Blair," he held her wrist as she tried to readjust the cap.

"What?" she barked annoyed. "You want me to take my slip off too, so I can really relax and enjoy sex!"

"When was the last time you looked at yourself without head covering?" he asked, ignoring her comment completely.

"You know I try to avoid it, as much as possible," she said irritated.

"Be thankful passion turned me into a clean head fetishist!" he smirked at her irritated expression. "You're hair is growing back."

"What?" Her eyes widened as she felt the evidence of what he was talking about with her own hands.

He didn't know what hit him as she broke their connection, jumping out of bed, leaving him on the bed gaping and with a major hard-on.

"You don't notice for god knows how long and now you're disrupting sex for it," he called after her as she disappeared into the bathroom.

When she hadn't come back after a while, he putting his shirt on, before going after her. She didn't even realize he was standing at the door, as she leaned over the sink in front of the mirror, angling a hand mirror to get a really close look. It was an odd image seeing her there and yet the way she stood there, the teddy riding up her thighs revealing her backside, aroused him to no end.

"Huh," was all she said, looking at her image.

He put one arm around her from behind, the other hand running over her head. It was there, unmistakable. Dark fluff. Crossed by a few single gray hairs, a fact he'd never dare on saying to her face. Spinning her around he kissed her skull right on her fuzz.

Even when he'd ask her afterward, for the love of god neither of them could explain the motivation behind her next action. Her hands slipped under his shirt stripping it off his shoulders. Both hands were buried in his chest hair she as pushed him backwards to sit down on the flapped down toilet seat.

A leg on either side of his she stood in front of him, as she reached for the hem of her chemise pulling it over her head in a quick movement. Chuck looked at her absolutely stunned. No matter how often, where and in what way they had done it, in the last months, her top clothing has always been the one big taboo during sex.

As she stood in front of him, no hair - or not much- completely naked, leaning down to kiss him, the thought that this was the most intimate moment they had ever shared, crossed his mind.

Never breaking eye contact she gently sank down on his still erect penis. She peeled his hands off her lower back were he'd decided was a safe place to rest them, placing one on either side of her chest. Buried deep within her he let his fingertips run along her rips, his thumb outlining the scar.

Her hips started to rock against his and her head fell back in abandon. A throaty moan left her mouth – and maybe there was even a bit of a suppressed sob in there – when he started to spread open mouthed kisses along the flat, right side of her chest, while rolling the nipple of her left breast between his fingers, pinching it softly.

"You're-" instead of finishing the sentences, all that came out was a yelp.

She had successfully cut him off by biting his shoulder. "Try to ruin the mood by telling me I'm beautiful for the thousands time and I'll stop right away!"

"Actually I was going to say fucking hot!"

* * *

"What are you doing?" Chuck asked annoyed.

Blair glared at him through the bangs of her wig, as she scratched the back of her head. "I'm sure that whoever created that wig was a complete sadist. You wouldn't believe how much that thing itches!"

Shaking his head he leaned back against the leather seats, glancing outside the window to see how far away they were. "I still think you should show off your own hair."

"All three strands?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"I think it looks smoking!" his fingers slipped up the nape of her neck, teasing the hairline of the wig, by slipping beneath it, brushing over the stumps of her actual hairline.

"Leave it alone, Chuck!" she warned, slapping his hand away.

"We're attending a cancer charity," he said. "Don't you think that going without wig would really make a statement?"

Considering his words she grew silent. Statement maybe, she just didn't know if she was ready to make it. She'd just come to terms with the idea of facing the media tonight. After a long discussion she and Chuck had agreed that the the Pink Ribbon Ball hosted by American Cancer Society was the best way to make a first public appearance.

"It's a statement I'm not ready to make," she answered, hoping it would let go of the issue. "Besides its no real hairdo up there anyway, just a bit of fluff."

"All a question of styling," he argued. "You could ask Humphrey for advice!"

They shared a wicked smile at that. For the last few years Dan tried – with less to zero success – to hide his fast receding hairline with interesting combing techniques and styles.

"What's really sad about that is that I'm still balder than him!" she pouted.

He leaned over kissing her, "I still like you better if that helps."

"A really close call, I'm sure!"

"You did read his last _book,_ didn't you?"

Her response was cut by the car stopping and Arthur who opened the door. She took a deep breath, straightening her back. Chin up, chest out, she told herself, to nervous to even acknowledge the bad pun. Blair at her best had always known how to handle the press. The moment they stepped out of the limo, they were blinded by the flurry of camera flashes. She was the star tonight. No question. Maybe not for the reasons she would've liked, but who scrutinizes when all the attention is on you?

Her name was called from every single journalist present. Ms. Waldorf here, Ms Waldorf there. A few bold one even called her by her first name. Some uninformed ones even shouted out for Mrs. Bass.

With a gentle – not even all that fake – smile she delivered herself up to the question assailing her.

* * *

"Are they serious about this?" Chuck argued as he and Blair arrived at the Ladies Pavilion, dressed up fancily, gift in his hands. "Marrying in Central Park? Stereotype much?"

Blair rolled her eyes since they'd been having that discussion for the last thirty minutes the way here had taken them. "It's a vow renewal," she growled. "Get over yourself. It's not like our June wedding in the Plaza was all that original."

"Yeah but it cost five Million dollars, was very traditional and classy," he put the package - containing a precious tea set – on the gift table, as he continued in a toned down voice. "This just screams cheap wedding, tourists can book online!"

"Please be nice!" Blair asked of him, unlinking their arms as usher showed them to their seats.

Sitting down somewhere in the middle she could Chuck taking a look around with a frown.

"What is it now?" she asked annoyed.

"Have I stepped into one of your support groups meetings here?" he whispered, motioning subtly to all the different colored head scarfs and wigs a major part of the guest of the wedding were wearing.

"Hannah is very committed when it comes to her projects," Blair explained, to appreciating his attitude in the least. "You know you could've said so if you don't want to be here."

"I want to be here," he assured, lifting her chin so he could kiss her. "I'm just a hopeless cynic. Never mind my nagging."

"I'm glad you came here with me," she whispered against his lips, parting just in time for the music to start.

The crowd turned around watching the bride enter. Hannah looked beautiful as she walked down the aisle. Her dark hair was about three centimeter long and she wore a big calla lily in it. The simple white dress complimented her curves in the best way.

Her husband stood in front a big smile on his face as she walked up to him. All of the love he held for this woman showing on his face.

By nature Blair wasn't a religious woman. The only things she and Chuck had ever believed in were money and the class system. Still, something in her moved as the priest started his sermon.

It was the first letter to the Corinthians, _the_ typical wedding lection, used at every single wedding she'd ever attended, including her own. She'd used to see it as nothing more then religious fancy talk, but with the months she'd just brought behind herself and how Chuck had stood by her side through everything she couldn't help that tears welled up in her eyes as the priest continued.

"Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil;" Chuck leaned over, placing a kiss on her temple, as the priest continued, "doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

As the marriage ceremony continued, Blair tried to remember what her own wedding had been like. Ironically she didn't remember much, although she had spent months organizing every little detail. They'd used their own vows, that she knew. But for the love of god she wouldn't be able to tell what they'd promised each other that day. Chances were good they'd broken at least fifty percent of those promises. What she did remember was a moment at the reception when she and Blair had floated over the dance floor to "Heaven" by Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald and she remembered thinking in that moment that she had never been so happy in her life.

Through the curtain of her memory, she heard how Hannah had started reading the renewal of her vows.

"...I'll be yours in time of plenty and in time of want, in times of sickness and in time of health..."

Chuck reached for her hand linking their fingers.

"...In times of sorrow and in times of joy..."

He squeezed her hand tightly. Sorrow is behind us now, it meant. The joy will come back.

"... in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you for all eternity."

Blair rested her head on his shoulder, thanking him silently. For... well, everything.

* * *

It was way past midnight as Blair and Chuck finally lay in bed. He felt exhausted, even if it was in a good way, the only thing he was capable of, was to reach out and pull Blair into his arms.

"It was a beautiful ceremony, don't you think?" she asked him, resting her cheek on his chest.

He nodded. "They seem really happy together." In a recently discovered routine, his hand caressed her head, feeling the, with every day better visible, fluff of hair.

"I think they truly are," she agreed, a musing expression crossing her face.

Something was bothering her, he could see that she was having some serious thoughts running through her mind. "What are you pondering now?"

"I want to get re-married," she stated, her tone so causal as if she would have just told him that she was having her coffee with cream.

Chuck on the other hand hit that statement completely out of the blue. Never had he ever spared a thought on remarrying. The word marriage was a synonym for all the mistakes they had made and all the hurtful things they had done.

When she turned in his arms to look at him, he realized that she was expecting him to say something and he'd been silent for at least a minute, assimilating the information. "What about you?"

"I don't. Never again," he answered. Quick and simple. Like ripping off a band-aid he figured, a short pain and then it would be over. Just a moment later he was proven differently when pure disappointment appeared on her face. His expression softened and he kissed her lips tenderly. "You know that I love you, Blair. I just don't think we should ruin what we are now by marriage."

"What exactly are we?" she asked and he wasn't sure if she was incredibly hurt or just simply pissed. When she sat up, swinging her legs out of bed, he realized that not even she knew.

"We love and respect each other," he said, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard.

"You didn't answer my question," she crossed her arms. "What are we? Boyfriend and girlfriend? I think we're way past that. Or maybe I'm your roommate? Is that what we are? Roommate's with benefits?"

He looked at her helplessly. "Is it really necessary to define every damn thing?"

She looked directly into his eyes. "Do you know me at all?"

"What else do you expect from me?"

She nodded in a resigned manner. "Nothing. You're right. I was wrong to expect anything."

With a hard and cold face she slipped back into bed, turning her back to him and pulling the covers up to her chin. As he wanted to place an arm around her waist to calm her, she shrugged it off. "You shouldn't expect anything from me either," she told him, switching off the light.

Sighing Chuck fell back onto his side of the mattress. What had he been thinking really? That Blair would squeal in joy, when he told her he didn't want to marry her again? He was such an idiot.

**

* * *

**

To be continued

**AN: **I do realize that this chapter maybe lacked the drama compared to the ones ahead of it, still I hope you enjoyed. If you did, please be so kind to leave a review.

Thanks for reading!


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